Ridiculous crush . Come and snap me out of it.

[WalkingCliche]

Ok, so the name i've changed to in order to write this is self-explanatory. i really am a sad old bint and need a good slap. Just need to write this to get it out of my system, mainly.

Moved the family to the back of beyond a few months ago. I'm a SAHM and feeling pretty lonely at the moment... spend most of the time going to toddler groups and taking dd up and down to nursery. I am getting to know other mums, but it's a slow process. DH is at work most of the time and although i'm a fairly creative person and try and keep my interests in art, music, languages etc ticking over, the mind can start to wander on occasion(not that that's any excuse).

So i've got into the habit of going to the one decent cafe in town when dd's at nursery, and holing up in the corner with a coffee and a book. And (as if you didn't see it coming) there's this waiter who is about 22, looks like a young Christian Slater, just gorgeous. I can't look at him without seeing visions of his hard, young body against mine, pushing me up against a wall somewhere... . I'm cringing at myself as i write this. He has these piercing blue eyes that just seem to look into my soul... and this smile...

Anyway it's just a stupid, cliched crush, i've barely even spoken to him, i doubt he'd be interested in someone at least 5 years older than him, 'happily' married with a dc...

Obviously i can't tell anyone in rl, that's why i'm boring you all with it. And i love dh. I wouldn't cheat on him even if i had the chance and i know i'm a huge hypocrite because if i found out he had these feelings for someone else (are they feelings, or just base physical attraction?) i'd be mortified. I'm just behaving like a desperate housewife without the glamour. Then I'm dh probably does fancy other people. and that's ok, i suppose, as long as you don't let it become anything more, isn't it?

He did cheat on me, with someone younger than i am, before we were married, years ago. Before we had dd... Maybe that's why part of me feels almost entitled to lech over this young bloke, even though i've forgiven him (for the most part) and it's all in the past.

And maybe it's just a part of small town life, this kind of thing? When we lived in the city, you barely saw the same face twice. Maybe i'm just enjoying the fact that i can go to this place and know i'm going so see this cute guy, even though nothing more will come of it?

Thanks for reading my ridiculous ramblings

Thanks for that - I enjoyed the bit about his hard young body.

I think this sort of thing has or will happened to us all at some point and you wouldn't be human if it didn't.

Just enjoy the view, knowing that it won't go anywhere, and one day you'll probably wonder why you ever got so hot and bothered.

Although you might benefit from finding an art class or a choir to join to fill in the time.

i know i'm still cringing at my own words. but he really is hot.

Yep i know i should really get other stuff going on to distract me from such silliness. it's such a backwater there's not really much happening, unfortunately, but i will try nonetheless.

Sadly we're not going to be able to snap you ... you'll just have to wait till it wafts away of itself - which it will, eventually. Though how long the wafting takes will depend on how much else you have going on (so I agree with nontoxic about other interests).

If you can be tough on yourself, the best route out, truly, is to stop going to that café. So long as you go on living the crush, so long you'll be in the holding pattern that won't let you move on.

(Not saying you can't give yourself a few more weeks of scenery.)

thanks, i was reading your post going 'surely i can go back one more time...'

you're right about the 'holding pattern' though. I hadn't heard that phrase before, but it fits. Also, i don't want all the other waiters nudging him and going 'there's your girlfriend' in a mocking tone... which is what used to happen when i was a waitress myself and had guys eyeing me up... seems a long time ago now

I know exactly where you are coming from. I work with someone i had a ridiculous crush on too and found myself imagining all sorts of crazy scenarios which usually ended up making me feel very

I got his mobile no one night and drunk texted him [cringe]! , but it turned out ok and we had a laugh.

But then i found that i was watching my phone for him to text me and it was getting silly! I started taking it into the toilet in case he texted while i was in there!. I even lost weight mooning over him [double cringe]!

Eventually it occured to me that nothing was ever going to happen and i snapped out of it, looked at my reliable oh and 3 lovely kids and realise how lucky i am

So apart from the weight loss (which was cool! ), all he did was give me an outlet for my fantasies

that's a good way of looking at it

perhaps it's healthy then...maybe?

Yes Im just coming out of one of these 'crushes' now! with a colleague who is a good friend and tbh flirts with everyone! but in the deluded mid 30's self esteem seeking state I was in I thought he was in love with me, despite being a newly wed himself! we'd run away together etc! I got a bit too ott at the xmas do and I remember him kissing me firmly on the cheek and saying GOODNIGHT, Your taxis here!! . I do still use him as an outlet for fantasies I am human but realise it was a bit silly! The way you describe him would have us trooping ten fold to this cafe (diet coke ad styley) just to drool! enjoy but don't take it too seriously

i know... i do 'sell' him rather well in my op! when i come out of this i'll probably realise he's weedy and still lives with his parents,

i think it's hard when he's someone who flirts with everyone, so easy to convince yourself he's paying you special attention. For instance today, he brought my coffee over, and i was convinced he was giving me a long smouldering look as he did so, and then he asked me how i was and smiled and i just blushed and smiled back, too dumb to answer except to say 'thanks'.

And i realise that he's just a friendly chap who enjoys his job and is courteous to all and sundry. I made it into something else in my head. doh.

You're right, i shouldn't take it seriously at all...

doh, just blew my identity... oh well, it's not like i'm a famous poster anyway.

just hope dh doesn't cotton on

oh i would say enjoy - i used to work in a hospital and there was a lovely dr who i even now still lust over.
You know you wouldnt do anything anyway and if he ever did approach you, you would not like him anyway (as he would no longer be the perfect man you see his as now).

Enjoy the lusting and know that is all it is.

Do tell us where the cafe is though.

mmm...doctors

it's good you are opening up your emotions - and just shows how many of us also have occassional crushes on other people - nothing wrong with this - and you can smile to yourself at your thoughts!

Hehe - I wouldn't worry about it.

Tbh I would probably tell my DH if I got a crush like this - if it was someone I knew/worked with then it would be a bit more serious and I would never tell him but deal with it myself.
We would have a good giggle about me lusting over inappropriate people.

I think the 'danger' in these crushes (which are so, so normal) is that you end up projecting all your feelings onto another person and making them someone they're not. So if maybe you are feeling a bit (ahem!) old, you fixtate on someone younger; if you are feeling rather bowed down by domestic responsibilities you fixtate on someone who doesn't seem to have any; if you are feeling broody, you fixtate on someone who comes across as a good father-figure. All perfectly normal and healthy, as long as you realise what is making you do it, and then you can take steps to address the root cause rather than they symptoms, if that makes any sense!

Best thing is to be aware of your feelings.

I have this problem from time to time. What seems to help is rather than run from it, indulge it. Imagine the 5 seconds of pleasure you might get, but then visualise the inevitable aftermath: even if no one ever found out, you would feel cheap and nasty afterwards, no? and that would impact on your ability to be a good partner and mom.

also, my experience has been that these things are fleeting. In a short time, you probably will have forgotten the whole thing!

enjoy it but make sure you know where the line is. and then don't cross it!

Oh, I love crushes. They make you feel alive! Just make sure that your dh benefits and no-one else

exactly Dior!

so,i took everyone's advice and started a vocal class today. A distraction. In another town, so that's safe, right? Wrong. I was walking home and just happened to bump into him. It was one of those dreamy smiles in both directions sort of situations as we were going different ways through the park.

Was the first time i've ever seen him outside of work, ironically. He was with some oldish types (what you mostly get around here) and must have just finished work. really dull information to anyone except me, i expect.

It did strike me anew how young he looks, i must admit, although embarassingly it doesn't seem to be enough to kill the crush.

To make matters worse, 2 separate people today told me i didn't look old enough to have a 3 yr old dd, so here's me thinking i'm in with a chance . although obviously i wouldn't ever do anything about it.

just coming back to this one for an update and to re-read all your sensible comments.

bramshott - your diagnosis sounds spot on. i hadn't really thought about it that clearly until today when i finally read your comment. puts the above into perspective.

what i'm getting my knickers in a twist about

he's just like this but minus the fag

i could just eat him, pity he's not on the menu

really crap 80s photo resolution i realise now. oh well.