Is there any hope?

[adad123]

Hi All,

Just looking for some advice.

I split up from my xp a couple of years ago, and one dc lives with me, and one dc half and half between me and xp.

I heard about mn somewhere and started reading to get advice etc I also read some Divorce sites to get advice to try and keep things amicable and do the best for our children.
What I'm getting to is there seems to be a lot of unhappiness out there and displeasure with partners.

Surely that isn't most relationships?
And to be honest it's putting me off getting involved in another relationship. I've been out a couple of times with some very nice ladies and as soon as there is a hint of nagging commenting or a 'typical man' comment I think I had 14 years of that I can't face it again. So it doesn't go anywhere.

I know there has to be give and take and tbh I think I'm ok on that front, just don't know if i can go through all the trials and tribulations again.

So I wonder if I'm a hopeless case?

Hello adad.
When things are going well people don't tend to post about it. So for example my DH is a wonderful husband and father, and tbh I tend to take that for granted.

However in common with pretty much everyone he does have annoying habits and its much more fun picking over those than it is talking about how perfect he is.

I'm sure you are not a hopeless case. You are making the effort to date which is a good sign. You are perhaps over sensitive to harmless banter based on previous experience, or perhaps you have just not met the right person and are getting out at the right point.

Why not do some more dating ? If you are saying the same thing in another 6 months, then maybe time for a rethink but test the water a bit more.

Good luck.

By the nature of a board like this you are going to get a very one-sided picture of relationships. People post here to get help with their problems - but it would be wrong to extrapolate from that that problematic relationships constitute the majority.
I have been happily marrried for nearly 20 years to a lovely man who is a brilliant husband and father.
I've never posted a word about him on here.
And there are plenty of people on this board who have extricated themselves from bad relationships and gone on to have much happier ones.
I suspect when you meet a person who is worth taking a chance on your dilemma will evaporate. You just haven't met her yet.

i bloody well hope so!!! yeah it can be tough, even more so with the complications of dc/exes etc.

rookie is right, we come on here more when things are going wrong to discuss/rant/get opinions. less so when things are going right.

do what you feel is right, when the time is right.

Well without sounding as tho i'm recruiting for the lone parents section lol
get on 'the fit and interesting men' thread
its been running a while now and is very light hearted and obv.focuses on dating as a parent
there's a couple of men who post on there
and i promise that we will be gentle with you
seriously,male pov always welcome

You are reading the worng posts! If you are looking on divorce boards and the like you are going to see lots of complaints and troubles - by definition!

Change your viewpoint a little. I am constantly uplifted by the posts on here - "Guess what dh did for me today.." "I am soo lucky to have dp.." one of the best is the threads for Lets Text our DP's!

Of course you hear about the tough stuff but that is normal. I am long term single, I cannot work out if I can be bothered with it all agin - but mostly because I can't work out the logisitics of it. Don't focus on the tough stuff, even if you don't decide to go for another relationship, it brings you down and there is no need for it! You know yourself that relationships go up and down, you don't need to remind yourself of the downs all the time!

To be honest with you, you mention nagging... generally "nagging" occurs when we ask you in the most diplomatic way possible (well, I do) to do something and the guy either completely ignores you, or you get "yeah, in a minute" then several hours/days/weeks of nothing, so it needs to be mentioned again, whereupon in the male mind, a simple request has now turned into Nagging.

If you don't want to experience such nagging from a reasonable woman, then listen properly the first time she mentions it, answer her, and if you do agree to do something, do it in as timely fashion as you can manage. Then she won't have to "nag" at all!

(Personal bugbear, sorry)

Getting back into dating is always scary. Fact is, when you meet someone you really like you'll want to be with them so much you'll be willing to risk the downsides, and there will always be some, eventually. Everyone's different, you may meet someone completely the opposite to your ex who'll give you a whole new set of trials and tribulations to fret about.

As people say, if you read where people are posting about problems in their relationships, you'll read about... problematic relationships.

I adore my husband. He's funny and intelligent and loyal and kind and direct, and he's the best friend I ever had. He knows me better than anyone else ever has, and he loves me just as I am. I enjoy his company, find him more interesting and intellectually stimulating than anyone else I know, am massively attracted to him and basically pretty much think he is the best person I ever met. I love him very, very much. After a decade, it keeps improving. But why would I post to say "yeah, sorry you're having a crappy time, but my marriage is great, thanks..."? I wouldn't.

Are you getting to a point where you think that things might not remain amicable?

Most of the upset and anger between ex's stems from people doing something against an agreement or to the disadvantage of the child or the other parent.

Things that work well are not going to be highlighted. People looking for answers of possible solutions are going to be plenty. If they knew the answer, there would be no need to ask the question.

On the dating front. No person is ideal when looking for a relationship. Everyone has picked up a habit or a behavior, most have some gripe of baggage. Rather than focusing on the person's negatives, see which of the negatives you can live with and look for the person's strengths. Look for common interests. The good qualities are the things you want to find and see if you can build on.