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Original poster

Me, DH, DD and new baby

13 replies

TheLastRockShow · 05/03/2009 20:53

I have a 14 year old daughter to a previous marriage and a baby DD to my current husband.

Current husband has very little experience with kids or teens. He is learning everything from new IYSWIM. DD1 is not making this easy.

Earlier for instance, DD2 was crying. DH goes over and starts rubbing her belly saying:

"Do you have belly ache? is that what it is? you have belly ache don't you?" etc etc...DD1 then rolls her eyes and says "it's not always stomach ache you know" and gives a list of all the stuff it could be.

DH completely blanks her, carries on rubbing DD2's belly repeating the belly ache thing over and over again. This antagonises DD1 who then says "well, lets hope it isn't belly ache ... because if I had belly ache and some moron kept rubbing my stomach, I'd want to punch them"

DH then starts shouting and balling that he "just won't bother" in future and that he'll leave DD1 to do all the childcare. I'm piggy in the middle again. She was disrespectful to him and I have had words with her about that. BUT on the other hand, it secretely pisses me off too that he seems to know NOTHING at all about kids or what to do etc. You'd think he'd have SOME common sense, even if no experience? or am I being unfair?

OP posts:
Lilyloo · 05/03/2009 20:57

So you are cross with him for rubbing her tummy and suggesting she had tummy ache? Maybe she did ?

'Current husband has very little experience with kids or teens. He is learning everything from new IYSWIM. DD1 is not making this easy.'

If this is the case why are you pissed off with him ?

Original poster
TheLastRockShow · 05/03/2009 20:59

I'm not pissed off at him as such, its just that with him and DD1 arguing constantly and him always needing telling what to do, I feel like I'm the only adult in the house sometimes and I'm starting to resent in.

OP posts:
Lilyloo · 05/03/2009 21:02

I think you need to be careful of projecting your 'caught in the middle feelings' onto his parenting iyswim.

Your dd was very rude to him. It must be hard for him if he feels his parenting is being questioned when he is trying to find his feet.

Doha · 05/03/2009 21:04

You are being very very unfair Give the guy a break at least he is trying to help.

Does DD1 not get one with your DH ? parhaps DD1 is feeling a bit left out but that's no excuse for her behaviour. This needs sorted now.
As you yourself says DH has no previous childcare experience has he not been in DD1's life very long?

Original poster
TheLastRockShow · 05/03/2009 21:10

No about a year or so. They really don't get on at all.

OP posts:
psychomum5 · 05/03/2009 21:13

sounds to me like she is being a normal 14yr old feeling pushed out by a new sibling and still not gelled with a new father-figure, and your DH is being a completely normal new dad, who when qustioned by a antagonising teen is hitting back cos he feels that she is making him out to be a mockery, which is feding on his own insecurities.

just think, if you were both new parents together, what your DP was doing would seem endearing and wonderful, not irritating. he is only trying to bond with his new baby after all.

and of course your feel torn................your love your DD1 as much as ever, but loyalties are such that your love for your DP and new DD are just as strong.

give it time. explain to your DD1 (take he out for a girlie day for this), that your DP is finding his feet as any new dad does, and ask her to let him be. and then while DD1 is at school, tell your DP that DD1 is exactly what he needs to expect from his new baby in 14yrs, and so just let a lot of what she says go (as you need to do with 14yr olds.....I have one mysef, my toungue is sore from all the biting right now).

and congrats on the new baby

Doha · 05/03/2009 21:35

Well said psychomum5

Doha · 05/03/2009 21:36

Well said psychomum5

Lilyloo · 05/03/2009 21:37

I just guess it is going to be a tough time for you all adjusting now.

Good points there Psycho i think most 14 year old girls are difficult to get along with without all the changes she is adjusting to.

psychomum5 · 05/03/2009 22:12

I have a 14yr old, they really can be aggravating

benfmsmum · 05/03/2009 22:26

My dp has 4 children from a previous marriage and we have one ds together and I am completely gobsmacked at how a man with 5 children can know sooooo little about caring for them!! Be easy on your dh as it is his first time, treat him as you wanted to be treated on your first time.

Hassled · 05/03/2009 22:33

Having been your baby girl for 14 years, your DD must also be feeling a bit insecure - PsychoMum is spot on, and the only thing I'd add is that you must give her constant reminders about how much you love her, how useful and important etc she is to you. My DD had a very hard time when DS2 (new partner - now DH) came along when she was 9, and I'd imagine those extra few years would only make it worse. If your DD is constantly reassured that she's as loved as ever, she may lay off your DH a bit.

psychomum5 · 05/03/2009 22:39

ah yes, hassled added what I forgot.

reassure DD1 lots and lots that she is still as loved as ever. she needs that as much as DH needs his reassurance and new baby needs love, and you need rest

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