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Original poster

mrs/ms - change surname?

22 replies

normalornot · 05/03/2009 10:49

My dh and i are likely to split up soon and have a ds. Do most people still use "mrs" when speparated or divorced and what about surnames when divorced? Do you keep eh surname (which obviously is now ds's surname) or revert to maiden name or other name? If you do change name, what about ds's name?

OP posts:

wilbur · 05/03/2009 10:56

I think it's entirely up to you. Friends of mine who are divorced seem to choose either, some are still Mrs. Ex-H and others go to Miss or Ms. Maiden name. The ones who haven't changed back do it simply because they want to retain the same surname as their dcs. I don't know anyone who has tried to change their dcs surname - that would be pretty diffcult I think.

Lindenlass · 05/03/2009 10:57

My mum kept her name the same until she remarried - far too much faff to change it I think, when she already had a million and one things to sort out!

Original poster

normalornot · 05/03/2009 10:57

whatabout if they remarry? do you then change dc's surname?

OP posts:

MitchyInge · 05/03/2009 10:58

I'm ms but kept his surname because it is nice, my original surname is a bit poncey

not that I am divorced but we have been separated for about 14 years so as good as!

Lindenlass · 05/03/2009 11:00

up to DCs really, isn't it? I didn't like having a different surname to my Mum and Step-dad and Step-siblings, but still was seeing my real dad so decided not to have it changed.

Original poster

normalornot · 05/03/2009 11:00

i actually hate my married surname and also my maiden name! However i do like the surmane i had when i was married the first time but would be a bit wierd to revert ot that!

OP posts:

Original poster

normalornot · 05/03/2009 11:01

DS is only 2 so would be a quite a while before he'd be able to decide!

OP posts:

MitchyInge · 05/03/2009 11:01

let's make up a new one for you!

what do you fancy?

tangarine · 05/03/2009 11:02

It's whatever you feel comfortable with. I know people who have done both.

I am married but stayed as Ms maiden name rather than becoming Mrs married name. DCs have DH's surname, so people who don't know me e.g. school tend to call me Mrs married name (which I don't mind). Not having the same surname as DCs has never been a problem for me.

Original poster

normalornot · 05/03/2009 11:02

OP posts:

mumoverseas · 05/03/2009 12:05

Most people on divorce don't change their surname, particularly if they have children as they don't like to have a different surname to their kids.
You can't change your DS's surname without the consent of his father which I imagine (like most men) he would not consent to. If you were to start using a different name for your DS then your ex would be able to apply to the Court for an Order that you change it back.

piratecat · 05/03/2009 12:08

i havent changed my surname and am still Mrs. my dd shares the same surname. I guessit's personal preference, and maybe how the split came about might influence how you feel about the name.

I feel ok haivng his name still. But don't know how i would feel in the future, but dd is 6 and it's good for her iyswim.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 05/03/2009 12:11

I am still Mrs despite the divorce it's just easier for everyone and tbh have had my married name for such a long time now would feel weird to be called by anything else.
I do have a friend who has reverted back to her maiden name but her situ.is different to mine.

piratecat · 05/03/2009 12:13

just spoke to dd and she wouldn't mind going double barreled apparently!! if i changed mineback to my maiden name.

i siad well daddy would have to agree, and she said well it doesn't matter he's married again now anyway, it's what i want !!!!!

Original poster

normalornot · 05/03/2009 13:16

Those of you who stayed Mrs xh, are you with another partner?

OP posts:

Rubyrubyruby · 05/03/2009 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sparkyoldbint · 05/03/2009 14:18

I've remained Mrs XH purely for the sake of 9 year old DD. I really don't like his name though and hanker after my maiden name of which I'm very proud. My new DP loves my maiden name too (it's Irish and so is his) but I don't think I could change back because of DD.

Double-barreled is an option but it wouldn't sound great because both names are a bit of a mouthful! May well marry DP and take his name and then DD could go DB'ed because it would sound great!

OhBling · 05/03/2009 14:21

And men simply don't have this issue... Drives me crazy. our marital status is always in the public domain and our names are an issue and for men they just get born, become Mr Man Forever and that's it. This was the main reason I didn't want to take DH's name and have certainly insisted that in formal communication I remain Ms - although I can't stop people from calling me Mrs all the time.

tangarine · 05/03/2009 15:18

OhBling - that's why I didn't take DH's name at the time - but it mattered far more to me 12 years ago than it does now . We both work for the same, relatively small, organisation, and DH has quite an unusual surname, so it also helps me feel as though I have my own identity at work ie Ms me, not Mrs DH .

busybeingmum · 05/03/2009 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lilac21 · 05/03/2009 23:00

I'm very tempted to change mine back when we divorce, don't like his as it's so ordinary, mine was nothing special either but at least it was mine! The DD can keep his name because they aren't stuck with it forever unless they want to be. I can still answer to Mrs XH if people are confused, I rather live with that than live with him!

sarah76 · 06/03/2009 18:25

I stayed Mrs Ex-H or Ms Ex-H mainly because that surname is the only one I've ever been known by in this country. My maiden name is German in origin, unspellable and unpronouncable by most---I did keep it as my middle name though, to preserve a bit of my pre-married identity. I got remarried recently and am going through the nightmare process of changing my surname. Now thinking I should have just kept my maiden name all the way through, regardless of how difficult it would have been for people!

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