This is a long story but the basics are that I have a daughter who will be 2 this May. I had always planned on going back to work when she was one as I enjoyed my job (most of the time!) and had studied hard to qualify.
Anyway when the time came to go back to work I found that I couldn't leave my daughter with a child minder or at a nursery because she was VERY sensitive - to the point that she cried if handed to anyone other than myself or my husband. Having said that I do think that if my parents had been a bit more active in getting involved with her I think she may well have got to know them better. As it was although they are both retired and have no hobbies or interests and despite the fact that they live around the corner from me I have seen them at most once a week for an hour since she was born.
Anyway I approached them to see if they could help me out by having my daughter for about an hour and a half a day during the week and only during term time as my husband is a teacher. I was trying to negotiate with work to allow me to work late afternoons. My parents made a huge deal out of of it saying it was a huge responsibility and laying down all sorts of conditions which basically meant they they made it impossible without actually coming out and saying no.
I resigned from my job and have not yet returned to work although now that my daughter is approaching 2 she is getting a lot more confident.
My younger sister had a baby when my daughter was 1 and in the months that followed we often discussed our parents and how it would have been brilliant to have parents happy to help out and spend time with their grandchildren - we both agreed that we felt let down by them.
My mother only really bothers coming to see me when her and my father fall out - last time she told me a lot of things about him - how he hates my older sisters husband (who is lazy and rude apparently) and how he hates everyone and never leaves the house and drinks too much. She was even convinced that he had mental problems and showed me an article on autism as she thought he had this! She even said that he wanted to go away for xmas so that my older sister and her husband wouldn't come to stay for xmas. Anyway when the arguments blow over its always the same - not seeing her or my dad unless I go round there and only for an hour or so once a week.
The next thing they offer to have my sisters child for a whole day each week so that she can return to work part time with her husbands mum having the child the other day she will be working.
All talk between me and my sister about the above stopped and suddenly they could do no wrong! I was really angry and very upset at both my parents and sister. I did send her a couple of upset texts saying how unfair I thought it was. I couldn't phone as her child is always asleep so phoning is difficult.
Coupled with all of this I had noticed that she was showing no interest in my daughter at all - almost to the point of ignoring her - fine when they're babies but she's been a toddler for several months and now likes to interact with people. I was starting to feel really angry whenever I saw her as it was obvious to me there was some problem. Even strangers on the street showed more interest in my daughter. My husband noticed it as well and was annoyed but we decided to ignore it hoping it would pass.
Then last week I was chatting to a mutual friend who said that she had noticed a change in my sister as well. She said that she had also noticed that my sister didn't seem interested in my daughter and she was surprised by this. Also she had seen my sister out with a group of other mums she has met and noticed how she was 'all over' the other mums babies showing a great deal of interest in them and talking about them.
It all seemed strange to me and I snapped and texted her - stupid I know. I should have spoken to her but took the easy option. I later emailed her explaining properly why I was upset and asking if we could sort it out.
She replied with a really rude and abusive email saying that I was going 'loopy' and had too much time on my hands (a dig at me because I haven't gone back to work and she is due to go back shortly). She also rang my parents and got them on side before I had a chance to put my story across.
I was really angry and without thinking rang my mum who obviously wasn't interested in my side of the story and had known about the issue and discussed it all the previous day with my sister behind my back. I had seen my mum the previous afternoon but nothing had been mentioned apart from a few sly digs about maybe I should get back to work etc etc which made sense later.
My mum was drunk when I rang (it was 5pm but she and my father drink a lot which is a whole other issue...) I was upset and said that she was drunk and that was that - I had hit a sore nerve!
According to my sister and my parents I have made the whole thing up as I'm unstable and have too much time on my hands. Ironic as my parents are both retired and do not do anything! I am out and about at groups etc with my daughter every day and resent the insinuation that I have an empty life.
My husband and friend also noticed there was a problem but that doesn't seem to make any difference.
I just wanted to get things resolved but wish I hadn't bothered.
Neither of them are speaking to me and I feel so angry and can't ever imagine resolving this! I just wanted an impartial view of things - have I been unreasonable?...