I can't see a way through this

[JODIEhadtoomanymincepies]

Can't be bothered even to name change, and I might waffle alot, so beware...

DH, on the whole is great, helps with Kids, cleaning etc, but he's such a nag (can't think of a better way to put it). These are the type of things he nags about on a day to day basis, and I;m getting so sick and tired of it, I just want him to leave me in peace.

The chpping board is left out... Well I'm sorry, but I use it throughout he day, why should I put it away only to get it out again in an hour?

There is toys everywhere.... again, with a 2.6 DS and a 8 month DS, what else am I supposed to do?

I leave the post out... Yes I do this as it's usually bills that need paying or somehing I want to read later when DS's are in bed, if I put it away they get forgotten about.

There are alot of things that annoy the hell out of me, the worse thing is the general huffing and puffing. I ask him a question, and it will be 'sigh.. yes I had an alright day a work' etc...

I really feel like asking him to go back to his mums for a few days, just so I can do what I want. The house is always clean (well tidy at least) by the time DS's are in bed, but it's getting me down. I hate it when he gets home from work, even worse I hate it when he works from home as he's on my back all day to do stuff (like today, DS's are at nursery this morning, so I've done stuff like e-bay, am about to start cleaning, it would have got done at some point, just not first thing)

I don't know what to do really, I still love him, but I can't live with him at the moment...

It might sound obvious but have you told him how you feel?
How his nitpicking is really grinding you down?

Did you stop working to be a SAHM? Is it possible that although he was happy with this arrangement at first he may be starting to feel resentful about working and being the only person bringing the wage in so he sees all the little things that aren't 'done' as you somehow not doing your job?

I work 15-20 hours from home, but he does gripe about being the main earner

I have told him about his nagging, but he says I'm making excuses as it takes 2 seconds to put the chopping board/toys away, it shouldn't be a problem and I'm being lazy. (which I probably am, but I see it as making life easier for myself )

Rather than sending him to his mum's, perhaps you should try and get him to do the childcare for a few days on his own? I'm only partly joking, and realise it might not be a feasible option, but DP has been doing the bulk of the childcare/cooking etc here for the past couple of months while he's unemployed and I'm working (I'm freelance, so working at home but have upped my hours while he's not working) and it's really openend his eyes to what is involved I think. He was pretty good to start with, I must say, but he really appreciates how hard it is and how things just don't all get done when you have LOs around.

Totally agree with midnightexpress. Can you go and stay with a friend for a few days or a week (even better). Give him a couple weeks notice, so he has time to sort out his work. Then just go & leave him to it (house, children...), dont try to plan anything to help him or worry, as he is their dad and can take the responsibility himself. I think time at home, sorting out the children himself, will be just the eye opener he needs to see how much you do normally and how thankless a role it can be. I think it isn't uncommon to think the other one has an easier time, but it's really about talking to each other like human beings, not to resort to nagging or criticising to make a point. He needs to walk in your shoes for a while as I dont think he understands your life.

I am going to my mums for a weekend in April without the kids, so hopefully he'll understand abit more then. He'll probably be superdad and get it all done though. (maybe with a bit of help from Peppa Pig and Fireman Sam) After all he doesn't have MN to distract him.

I just feel like he expects to live in this beautiful show home. It ain't gonna happen...

Thinking about, all of his friends are childless (or have newborns) so their houses are spic and span. I go to other mum's houses and it's the same as mine, toys, clutter, washing up etc, I guess he has higher expectations than me.

I agree with BeanieB - my Dh def. sees all aspect of housework as my job and gets upset if the house is less than perfect.

I don't really agree with swapping for a short amount of time, cos all that happens is all the non essential stuff doesn't get done (like, your DH will put all the post away, but YOU will be stuck trying to sort bills etc., out later cos they haven't been paid)

when I go to friend's houses, I find myself silently thinking 'my DH would go BALLISTIC if faced with this / that / the other'

To be fair, it doesn't bother me that much, but that's largely cos we have a fairly big house, which allows us to have 'adults only' rooms (and I simply mean child / pet free - nothing kinky!! ), but I have noticed that he's turned his attention to the playroom (which now looks amazingly like a study) and I've moved DS's toys upstairs...

Can you get to the root of his problem? It sounds like tidiness (having stuff put away) rather than cleanliness?

Haribosmummy Your DH sounds like mine! Even to the point where our playroom became an office!

I think the route of his problem is 'clutter' he is constantly moving things around to have more space (I can't even put the clothes airer in the kitchen, has to be upstairs, so it doesn't look like a 'chinese laundry')

He grew up in a fairly large house and his mum was a SAHM, and a clean freak (and to her admission, had no friends to go on play date/coffee mornings with, I don't ean that badly I love my MIL) I grew up in a small house with 2 parents working FT, so 'mess' wasn't an issue. Maybe that's where we differ?

Thankfully, mine works in Russia 5 days a week, so I only really properly clean up on a Friday!!! (don't tell him I said that!)

I do think it's important for adults to have somewhere calm etc., to relax, but kids also need somewhere to be creative (AKA Messy!)

I've rearranged DS's nursery now, so there is a big rug in the middle of the room and he can scatter toys every which way. It works for now, but as he gets older, it's going to get more difficult.

Do you think your DH resents you having a social life during the way / away from the house?

I don;t think so as he is out alot at night, just 'pops out for a drink' about 4 times a week. So thats not he issue.

Got to go and pick DS2 up from nursety. Will check back later

It is your home too, and your life, you are not there to "provide" the home he wants. If we were talking about dirt, mess, or unhygenic things then maybe this would be a different matter.
If he doesn't like the toys on the floor and you are comfortable with them. Then HE can pick them up.
As to the chopping board/post situation, I bet there is something you could find that he leaves in a convenient place,(car keys??) start putting it away, so that he is inconvenienced everytime he needs it.
Feeling bolshy about men who think women exist to create their perfect life at the moment LOL

Tell him if it bothers him so much to clean up himself!

I also get annoyed at men that think they can tell women what to do, and then pretend the woman is somehow the one at fault if they don't "obey"

I sort of agree with both sides here - no way I would be able to put up with the sort of house DH wants to live in if he were here full time, but I do think it's quite nice to have a good clean up once a week and then we get the weekend off - the house is clean, washing sorted, shopping done, so apart from a quick hoover, there is no housework, but I couldn't deal with it on a daily basis.

Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to!!

Right, I feel so much better having got it off my chest, thanks ladies for listening to my wailings! He's not that bad (compared to some I read about!) I just got so peed off with him this morning! He'll just have to like it or lump it I;m afraid!