my mum is driving me mad i just want some peace !!!

[kirsten75]

i don,t think my mum listens to anything i say anymore shebrings my ds junk food over and if i ask her not to she does it anyway she invited herself over yesterday and i told her not to give ds any toys/food because he had been naughty and she still did it anyway. its me who has to deal with the tantrums so i took the toy away. it just seems that she will do things her way and i,m so angry. i,m on my own with ds and i feel getting any ME time alone is a bonus but even in that she wants to tag along go for coffee etc and i,m really going to crack up if she doesn,t give me a bit of space. i get on better with my mil. How can i get her to back off a bit without us falling out ? i,m seperated from hubby and my ds is 3.5 and i,m not really struggling caring for him or anything...

Hi

My mums' so very similar to yours and I get on better with MIL to.

I had to get annoyed with mine (We all share a house inc DH and DD and DS) it meant we got the silent treatment, glares and sniffs from her but it worked.

I also said to the kids when she'd given them something ' I'm sorry Nan keeps giving you ... when she knows you're not allowed it. You know you've been naughty and why you're not allowed it. I'll ask her not to tempt you again'

My mum always wants to tag along when I try to get 5 minutes alone or wants me to take her places and i'd much prefer to spend 10 minutes away from her.

Good luck but you might have to be tough and really tell her off, if she's like mine she won't back off for long. You could tell her that she won't be welcome the next day if she doesn't do as you ask. Difficult one for you. Know how frustrating it is.

Can you put your mum on the naughty step? In a time out? Can you and DC laugh that she's being naughty not listenning and point it out whilst she's there. It might take the sting out of what she's doing and make it obvious to her. She's misbehaving by not respecting your wishes as a parent. You make the rules, not her and DS is your child and it's OK to pull her up on it.

Can you say, "I want time on my own I'm X years old for goodness sake mother!", when she tries to tag along. Try to keep your voice light and jovial and just walk away.

If your child was doing this, you'd be able to deal with it, so maybe you can be as clever in how you deal with your mum.

Arrgh difficult situation - maybe step back and think what would you say to a friend whose mother was doing this?

the naughty step sounds funny lol really i just wish she would respect my wishes and leave me alone sometimes i can,t even go to gym anymore without her wanting to meet up afterwards or go to bingo coz she will come too every phonecall is like a running commentry on my life i should just make a tape recording up and leave it on when she phones !!!

how do you do it paranoidmother ? staying with your mum ? you must be a very patient lady !!

Why not just say no and tell her you have other things to do and suggest she joins a club or something if she's at a loose end. I would probably get quite annoyed about giving a present if asked not to and tell her that if she undermines your parenting you'd rather she didn't come round.
You wouldn't accept it from any other adult.
Moving away is good to encourage parents to be independant. I think sometimes it's not just teenagers who need to learn to be independant, alot of mothers seem to struggle and need to learn to live independantly as well when their children leave home.

We live with my mother as we can't afford to find a place on 1 salary and with 2 DC's. However we are saving up slowly.

Most of the time I try to pre-empt what is going to happen and try to stop it or forward think by a few hours just in case but sometimes it comes out of the blue.

I wish I could put her on the naughty step especially when she sulks after being asked to wash up her stuff or put things away that she has left out.

I also find a glass of wine in the evening and now spend most of the evening elsewhere in the house away from her is the best thing, either that or I put my I'm ignoring you hearing aid on.

i had made plans with a friend for friday mordning there and on thursday she was tryingto invite herself over i said we,ll see and she started shouting and crying down the phone that i,m trying to stop her seeing her grandson and she hung up on me haven,t heard from her since. i never got the chance to tell her i had plans for friday. do you think its up to her to call me ?

Ah, a bit of emotional blackmail!

Let her simmer down for a few days. She may realise what she's doing if it goes a bit quiet from your end.

she,s always been like this , controlling if she doesn,t get what she wants when she wants she starts the tears. it,s not fair on me. she will have to realise i,ve got a life too. my health visitor has been trying to encourage me to meet up with friends or do a course or anything to get me out the house. was starting to feel down being stuck in with ds especially through the winter.

I'd view her tears in the same way as you would a toddler who cries when he doesn't get what he wants, best ignored.
Its sad she's like this though, I'd have hated to have a childish mother, but if she gets her way by crying she'll just continue.
I wouldn't ring her for a few days as you've done nothing wrong. She is in the wrong by putting the phone down on you in a selfish strop when she couldn't get her own way.
If you've not heard from her after a week I'd give her a ring, but I would make it clear that you think she needs to be less reliant on you and your son and not get upset if she can't get what she wants.