What goes on when I leave our tiny baby with DP?

[justtoomuch]

In a nutshell - left 8 week DD with DP on Saturday to go for a haircut. Was gone an hour and a half.

In that time, he took her round to his ex-girlfriend's house to meet her. He didn't mention to me he was going, didn't ask me whether I minded. (She's a friend of his, but I've only met her once, and that's only because I came home early from work to find her here as they'd been to a funeral together.) I called him when I got back and the pair of them weren't here, he dropped the call but actually pressed the answer button so I could hear he was talking to a woman. I thought he was in some cafe, didn't think any more of it so hung up.

When I finally got to speak to him on the phone, he told me where he was. I was angry that he hadn't asked me if I minded, but there was nothing I could do, so I dropped it. We haven't been getting on and I didn't want another row.

However, something else has come to light. I just noticed a porn site on the computer's drop down address bar, so, (rightly or wrongly, I don't care, flame me) I checked the history to find nothing, so looked in the cache. In the minutes after I left, before he went to his ex's house, he spent about 6 minutes looking at this porn site. From what I can remember, DD was awake when I left to go for my haircut. I don't care what he looks at when he is on his own, but I feel sick to my stomach to think he has been looking at porn while in sole charge of our new little DD.

Yes I think that this definitely needs to be addressed.

And at him for the tummy comment.

Sounds like he needs to do a bit of growing up tbh.

I have to go out for the day with dd now. Hope you are okay jtm - it must have given you an awful fright finding out about the porn when you have had such a dreadful experience yourself. Just try and remember that your DP is an entirely different person from your stepfather and try not fire cannons meant for someone else entirely if you do decide to talk to him about this.

Will log on later. Hope you are feeling bit better x

That's horrid. He needs a wake up call imo - what a nasty thing to say.

This could also calm down in a while, I think it is quite a shock to men's systems to become fathers, my DH was very supportive but became a bit depressed.
I also have to go out, I do hope you feel better soon too!

I think the porn is pretty harmless ie you're not interested in sex at the moment and lots of blokes in this situation think that it's kinder to look at some porn and have a wank instead of putting pressure on w DW who is still recovering from the birth of a baby. I appreciate that it's particularly upsetting for you because of your own past but as Pottycock says, your DP isn't your stepfather and it's a different situation.

Also, him telling you he was at his XPs house suggests that he;s not hiding anything sinister. SOme people do regard XPs as longterm friends and nothing more (I am v friendly with several of my XPs with no interest in shagging them at all).
However, it sounds like he could be supporting and reassuring you more.

I agree with what fanjo's just said (cripes - it feels like I'm being a bit over-familiar shortening you to that!) - some men seem to go into total meltdown and behave like total idiots. Some feel a bit excluded in the early days when the dc is getting everything they need from their mum - I know mine did. Will log back on later, really must go out!

It's ok, I will shorten you to Cock!

And with what SGB has said too

NICE!

< quick hijack >

how do you look in the "cache" (whatever the heck that is)

Tools - Internet Options - General tab - Browsing History - Settings - View Files

The visit to the ex isn't in itself a big deal. Nor is the porn, esp if DD was asleep. There is nothing odd about wanking or having sex when there is a tiny baby in the room - if you didn't you would never do it at all in the first few months! They can't tell what is happening and can't be affected by it.

However...going out 3 nights a week, getting horribly pissed whenever he's at home with you - not OK. He needs to step up to the plate and you need to lay down the law a bit here. DH and I aim for one night out a week EACH since DS was about 2 months old. If he was out 3 times I would be fucking pissed off. He is also given license to get stupidly pissed once every now and then, not several times a week. Not good

jtm, sorry to pester but do actual pages show up when you "view files" ?

Anyfucker, I think they do, depends on your browser (IE or Firefox etc). Either the whole page or a part of the page will appear when clicked, ie a photo or gif from the page.

thanks, but it doesn't seem to work

I just get a list of gobbledigook that isn't clickable.

Hello OP, just wondering how your day went and hope you are feeling bit better than you were earlier.

The day was ok - feeling like crap with the shingles, but have asked DP to put DD to bed - feeling ok about it all really, don't really think he's been sitting there letting DD look at Busty Passion or whatever it is he browses, and don't think there's anything going on with the ex. I'm annoyed that it didn't cross his mind that I may be put out at him taking our daughter to his ex's house. I just think that if he wanted to introduce our daughter to her then he should have invited her round, with us all here, like the family we are.

There's not much I can do about it now, it's done. No desire to row about it, feeling too tired and poorly

awww, look after yourself, shingles is awful