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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH redundant and selfishly I am finding it hard.

4 replies

pamelat · 02/03/2009 20:07

Dh been made redundant twice in last 17 months.

First time he was given quite a lot of money (about a years salary) and he found work within a month or so.

This new job was only part time (we had the redundancy money and a baby on the way - I as 8 months pregnant). He has worked 3 or 4 days a week (alternated it) for a year, which was wonderful for both of us with DD.

Poor DH was made redundant again over Xmas. No money this time.

I have just returned to work after 13 months off. I have been back 3 weeks. I am part time, 3 days a week.

DD was all set to go to nursery but we cant afford it (or we can but we dare not pay out in case we need to rely on this money for our mortgage if DH can not find work)

So DH is having DD 3 days a week and looking for work in her 2 to 3 hour lunch nap (which is about enough for him to be honest) and then looking for work on Thursdays/Fridays.

He is really trying.

However, I am finding it hard (as I suspected) that he is with DD for 3 days.

I am finding it hard to "let go" and I call him twice a day so see how they are getting on and asking Q's like "has she now had her mid afternoon bread stick", so far he has not told me to f off!

More worryingly (I think) I feel resentful towards him. I think that I am somehow annoyed that he is not working?

I know thats selfish of me as its hardly his choice. I just feel that I/we really want another baby and that this whole job "mess" is ruining things. I dont want to get pregnant without knowing that we have some security.

I know lots of people are out of work, and I know he is trying (not as hard as I would like but still really trying) but I just feel that my life has been knocked off kilter (spl?) and feel resentful.

He does not know this as I feel its unreasonable of me and instead I am nice and supportive, but I think he probably knows .... ???

We are both a bit stressed but at the same time I know that we are lucky compared to lots of people (to have that redundancy money).

OP posts:
pamelat · 02/03/2009 20:18

PS) I supported myself on my year off with my savings. Know its not all about money but realise that otherwise I look like a spoilt brat who didnt have to work!

OP posts:
chainstitch · 02/03/2009 20:20

sounds perfectly normal to me

pamelat · 02/03/2009 20:26

thank you. Am a bit worried that maybe I am meant to be more gushing about what a great job he is doing with DD but instead I just want him to get a job!

I still praise him as I know how hard she is.

Have spent my lunch breaks emailing him jobs aand asking him to apply - am sure it can soon become a nag!!

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 02/03/2009 20:29

It's not actually him that you're angry with is it - it's the crap situation. I do know how you feel - my dh has been redundant twice - the first time his company went bust so they got nothing - no notice, no holiday pay and no salary! The second time was a month before Christmas (nice) but he did get his salary that time. Thankfully he got another job quite quickly both times - I do hope that will be the case for your dh this time too.

It is terrible isn't it - how your world just shuts down. First time for us was 6 months before the time we had agreed we would try for another baby - it wasn't till the plan seemed to be going out of the window that either of us realised how much it meant Second time we were trying to sell our house....

He may know that you're faking it and are actually very frustrated - but that doesn't matter imo. Swallowing your anger and not taking it out on each other is as much an act of love as selflessly holding the fort. You are nice and supportive - being a verified saint would be a bit too much to ask!

Good luck - just keep being kind to one another.

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