think friend is, at the very least, on the verge of an affair with another friend's dh.

[shouldIStayOutOfIt]

I am a regular but have namechanged because I don't know ifanyone from rl posts here who might recognize who i am talking about.

The two people involved are both friends of mine. That is to say, she is a friend, and he is the husband of a friend. All our children are in the same class, but we've known each other for a couple of years.

I knew they were friends. I've seen them chatting often and it's never crossed my mind that there might be something more because I've never considered her the type and he's the type to chat to everyone, iyswim?

But this morning I bumped into them both on the way back from the school run, and I stopped to have a chat. And i can't put my finger on it, but it was as if I had interupted something, and the chemistry was clearly detectable between them, does that make sense? He kept steering the conversation back to her, complimenting her on things such as her figure when she talked about exercise etc, and then he started going on about facebook, and it's apparent that they spend an awful lot of time chatting on facebook while their respective partners are in bed.

And now I just don't know what to do. If they're not having an affair, there is definitely chemistry between them, so given the right circumstances IMO it's a bomb waiting to go off. But do I say something to her? After all I could be wrong and if I mention it then I could lose her friendship. I certainly wouldn't say something to him or to his dw, but WWYD?

don't do anything

you can't start stirring things up on the basis of a hunch or what they may or may not do on Facebook

It is not your bomb.
Dont make yourself part of the explosion.

Stay well out of it. It's none of your business.

Don't do anything, you may have read all the signs wrong and could cause all sort of trouble.

Maybe keep an eye on them if it's bothering you that much and wait till you have 'strong' evidence before confronting them.

It is not your problem, you're better off not knowing.

I think a well-timed "don't do it" from a friend could save a lot of heartache, but I'd only say something if she talks to you and it's obviously up for discussion IYSWIM. You could arrange to do something with her eg go for a drink, and if it comes up, then you can say you're worried and you think she should take a step back.

what muffle said

There may well be chemistry between them. It is hard to avoid that; but grown ups know where the line is, and they have to make their own choices. Plus, if you point it out, it might make her aware of something that she was not really consious of, which then could start the ball rolling.

Could you ask your girl friend to your house under the pretense of a glass of wine, etc? Chat about whoever and then ask: Did I interrupt you and X last time I ran into you? You both seemes very flustered (surprised to see me/close/etc.) Does he fancy you?

Make it sound as if it's coming from the guy, so she wouldn't look like the OW IYSWIM and may confide in you if she doesn't feel accused.

THAT's the point when you take her and and say DON'T DO IT. If it comes out (and it inevitably will), then your family will fall apart, his family will fall apart, her dc's lifes at school will implode and she'll either spend a lifetime making up to her poor DH or accepts that every second weekend she'll have to hand-over the kids. Shit where you sleep comes to mind.

I would not stand idly by and watching someone's world being shot to bits if I know the involved people well.

take her hand

Do nothing

I would be a lot less confrontational than half of you lot on here... maybe next time you have a coffee together you just say "X is a nice chap isn't he? He's always so happy to chat to us all... blah blah blah" That way she's go the opportunity to talk about it to you (whether to rant about how actually he's a selfish git who keeps coming on to her or to agree that he's nice, and actually she fancies him a bit) or to look incredibly guilty and say nothing (which is your cue to change the subject and never mention it again - but will have alerted them that they are in danger of being outed if there is anything going on).

I really would avoid asking straight out - if the answer is no, then it could ruin your friendship because you doubted her; if the answer is yes it'll ruin your friendship because you'll be part of the explosion.

Mind your own business. For one thing, you don't know if one or both of them are in acknowledged open relationships: quite a fewpeople are. But whatever their situation, it is nothing to do with you, so keep your beak out.

Do nothing.

There is a different sceanrio, one in which I'd say: tell her.
It happened to someone I know. Most of her friends knew that her friend was having an affair with her husband. It went on for more than a year before she found out. She was then faced not only with the knowledge that her friend and husband had been having it off, but that a huge chunk of her social circle - her supposed friends - knew and said nothing. If you have hard facts, say something. I would.

But in this case you don't, so keep your lips sealed.

I'd agree with the people who say have a quick general word about it with her, without coming out and saying "I know what you're up to - I think". If there is anything being hinted at then knowing someone is on the case may be enough to stop them going to places that will cause a huge amount of misery and that they'll probably both end up regretting. But then again, I am the kind of person who goe 'oi' if I think kids are bullying each other at the bus stop - I do believe is stepping in if it will prevent pain. I don't think i know a single person who has had an affair and didn't wish it hadn't happened. And if you have spotted it, in such small circles it won't stay a secret.

Of course, if they are having a fling and you do stick your beak in, they might decide that the game's up and 'everyone' knows, thereby they will have to run away together and unite against the world, whereas if you'd left them alone whatever ws going on would have fizzled out.
But you have no proof of anything at all. ONe or both might be thinking Impure Thoughts, but what a person is thinking is that person's business and not yours.

But isn't it the case that once the cosy secret love bubble is burst and the cold light of day / fact they might have to actually deal with consequences shock! hits home, the affair looks a lot less attractive than it did? I thought the whole point of most affairs was the thrill of secrecy? We'll have to agree to disagree, but personally I'd try and nip it in the bud. Okay, they might go ahead, then it maybe wouldn't work out and they'd split up, but like I said, if they're so crap at hiding it that the OP noticed, I'm sure they'll get found out and two families will be destroyed because by then actions will have happened. Imho, people don't really THINK when they are being led by the genitals. A quiet hint might spark some life upstairs...

Stay completely out of it.

Thing is, the OP has no evidence at all that these people are having, or even contemplating any kind of affair, apart from her fevered imaginings. To do anything would be officious. It is none of her business.

Butt out. I have a very close male friend. There is very definitely "chemistry" between us, but we have taken it no further (I am married, he was in a LTR when we met but is now single). We see each other for lunch/coffee/drinks every day, now we are working in the same city. When we were on opposite sides of the globe we would meet up periodically for lunch in Paris, London or Brussels. His boss told me (not him!) that if there was anything going on between us, it would have to stop. My response was, And it has precisely what to do with you??

Ditto, say nothing and ignore. Not your business.