same man, same dilema, am even more confused!

[scaredoflove]

thread 1

thread 2

thread 3

I accept totally my past is making this/clouded this and I think everyone was right but now...

So, I have been drawn into speaking to him regularly. He phones or texts most days to chat. He is having trouble with his children and work, phoned last night in tears as his kids refused to stay at mums when it was her weekend and was on the way to get them. It was his first weekend off for weeks and he was planning on going out for a drink with his friends. He listens to my news so not all one sided. He tells me how much he likes me/fancies me.

I have so far refused to meet him but I am hanging on by a thread to say yes. In the last month, I have had 2 huge bouquets arrive, one for no reason this weekend and one for valentines.

I'm so scared that I will say yes and he will bugger off/become distant again and be like he was at the beginning. He tells me he wants a relationship but I know through our chats he still is mega busy so not sure how he would fit me in anyway

I just don't know what to do, we seem to have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with out the actually meeting and being intimate. What should I do now???

remind us when this all started.
Have you been to his house yet?

This started in the june and ended in october ish, he got back in touch properly in feb, tho we had exchanged email/msn a few times before then

I still haven't been to his house as I have refused to meet him since he has been back in contact. He phones me from the home number and I do have his address (what he tells me is his address) I also have company name and numbers, I do believe he is single, well, not living with anyone anyway

hmm. Tricky.
He really is not available is he?

How does he reply when you say "what's the point, I never see you?" ?

can you carry the status quo on for a while longer? seems to me he has a huge amount on his plate but is really enjoying the support you're giving him. i think if you're not getting hurt, what's the harm? you can always give him another chance but if he blows it again, you will have to walk away properly.

before he said i'm sorry, I'll make time, I want this....but never did find the time.

This time I have said I'm not ready and he says it will be different, part of me wants to believe and give him that 3 rd chance, the other part of me thinks, it won't change and I'm going to be all over the place again

We were talking the other day and I mentioned we had only actually met twice, he thought it was more than that. I'm wondering if he just doesn't notice how much time passes as he is always so very busy

do you mean you have only met twice EVER?
Since last June?

yes only twice, crazy I know

It was always I will see on tues, then on tures nothing, then it would be see you at the weekend and again wouldn't happen

In the june to october bit, we both had holidays at different times so that took about a month away. 1st date 28 June, last one 3 august, told him to I had to walk away end of sept, he persuaded me to keep going and I finally did walk away end of october

Only had very occasional email/msn from then to feb when I got the i want to try again email

To quote the movie I saw this afternoon....

'He's just not that into you.'

Seriously, check out the book....

this is not really a relationship, is it?

I can't see what is in it for you at all.

As for wanting to try again - he did not try first time around!

Sorry you are going through this.

I don't think there is a better definition/proof of love than wanting to spend time with the beloved.
He is making no effort to spend time with you.

If I were you I would tell him to take a hike! He is keeping you dangling.

I can not think of a single happy couple I know who started their relationship on a basis like this one.

I know, I know, you are right and this isn't my usual me

On paper he is my perfect man, he took my breath away (and if you knew me, you would see why that is such a big thing, I'm a closed book lol) We talk, I'm not shy, it's easy. He says the right thing. This last month he has been very different to before, it was me texting phoning in the summer, I haven't initiated a thing this time, have only answered

In october I walked away and meant it, I wasn't going to get sucked back in but I have, can people realise they were a prat or is it once a prat always a prat??

He sent me this tonight, a balloon email lol
"Life is too short to wake up with regrets.

So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who don't.
Believe everything happens for a reason....if you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it.

Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you can't get them back. So I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you."

What with the flowers this weekend and this today i'm so confused!! He wasn't romantic at all in the summer but is now???

he's still not bloomin there!
Tell him to get his arse to your door if he wants you tied to his heart.

Words are cheap.
Flowers not so cheap.

On paper George Clooney is my perfect man.

To date he has made NO effort to spend any time with me.

Perhaps he is not my perfect man?

I suggest balloon man is not yours either, and for the same reason.

to be fair him I have said no to meeting again, he has asked and I have declined, have told him I'm not ready

I live with my teenagers so I would be pretty peeved if he did turn up without an invite

It's the saying yes to coffee/dinner/drink that I'm undecided about as I'm scared if I do, he will go back to the unavailable person he was in the summer

Erm, this is not a relationship. I have read your other threads, as well, and what this most reminds me of is the old 'fake-lesbian-penfriend' thing (in the days of postbox personal ads, a man who had a thing about 'lesbians' would post an ad pretending to be a lesbian, asking for a lesbian penfriend - ad would be replied to by another man-with-thing-about-lesbians and the two of them would correspond happily for years without ever meeting).
Are you getting anything out of this at all? Or are you just some kind of wailing wall for this bloke (someone he can phone and whine at). I wouldn't actually expend any effort on him if I were you: talk to him if he's entertaining on the phone but don't waste any spare time speculating about him. Get on and enjoy life; look for other men to date if you want to date. You don't owe this one anything.

i am still looking and dating well not exactly dating, more shagging, which is the lifestyle I prefer/choose usually

At the moment I am getting telephone friendship out of it, so am thinking will keep it to that

It was the overwhelming feelings I got in the beginning that threw me/is still throwing me, I don't usually do feelings, I just don't have them. I've had over 50 lovers, but only 2 relationships longer than a month, one I married, the other went very wrong but I have only had loveish feelings once, aged 17. I vowed then I wouldn't feel like that again, then out of the blue this bloke had me feeling

I would love what others have tbh, a relationship with love. i guess this is why I am hanging on, I didn't think I was capable of feeling anything and now I still don't know but in 30 years I had a glimpse

I know this isn't a relationship, it was a pending relationship

Bullet and everyone else, you speak such sense and I know what it sounds like, please keep going, I need it

'Feelings' like this are more like a virus than anything else: they occur out of the blue for no real reason, and invariably they are directed at people who seem interesting but who are not really available or desirable. They do go away after a while, an in some cases the person can remain a pleasant friend, in other cases you realise that the person actually is a bit of a dick you can't be bothered with any more.

'well not exactly dating, more shagging, which is the lifestyle I prefer/choose usually' and 'I would love what others have tbh, a relationship with love'. ???

I've been there, wanting a man who loves me and cares for me and cherishes me, but then going chasing after unsuitable/unavailable men.

You DO deserve a happy relationship, but you won't get it by 'shagging around' (your words, not mine).

And believe me, I'm not preaching, I have only just come to this realisation now and I'm 30 after far too long spending time with men (well boys really) who were great fun and provided great drama, but also were never going to be the one to settle down with!

All I can say is, actions speak louder than words. He makes nice gestures and tells you what you want to hear but is actually unavailable. Your relationship isn't actually real anyway because you've only met twice. Sounds like he's full of BS and it's time for you to find a REAL partner.

Yes, he is indeed your fake lesbian penfriend.

And he sounds like he has 'boy disease' - he's only interestesd when you're not interested.