DH and DM are driving me mad!

[helsy]

Rant alert:

I had a minor but painful operation on Thursday. Can't go to work for a week or so, can't carry or lift stuff. Mum came to "look after" me on Friday. By 2pm I was knackered. She is obsessively organised and clean. I am NOT. Every time she washed or cleaned something I'd get a lecture on how dirty/disorganised I am, intertwined with how bad I am with money. I was pottering about all day - mainly so she'd stop criticising - and got really tired and achy.
She wants to come tomorrow but I've asked her not to, so now she's offended.

Yesterday and today, DH has been doing everything -ferrying dds around to various things, cooking, washing and so on. We normally share - or so I thought.
What a bleeding palaver. He can't put the washing on at the same time as he's cooking Sunday lunch, he can't let dd2 "help" with the veg because it's "too difficult" so I have two dds racing round me falling out with each other because he can't occupy them and he's popping out of the kitchen every now and again to bark at them.
There's so much stuff on the stairs and all over the floors you can barely see the carpet in the front room, and I can't pick up because it hurts (I know, sounds pathetic but it does). I'm hiding up here but can't relax because it needs hoovering, and if I ask Dh to do it he may have a nervous breakdown, and if I try to do it he'll grab the hoover from me and tell me off like I'm five.
Rest? It's more bleeding stressful than the operation! I know, I'm an ungrateful cow.

Killed my own thread! well, I didn't exactly ask for advice or an opinion, did I?

grrr at your mum
can't your dh just take the 2 dds out for Sunday lunch and then to the park or the cinema or something so you can rest?
I hate that I'll look after them thing but not actually take them anywhere so you all get cabin fever

Why don't you ask your Mum to take your children out (thus making her helpful) and your husband can organise the house when they're out (thus making it more simple for him).

How old are your children? You could either plonk them down to watch a dvd (you sit next to them so you're there but make sure it's calming so they don't need you) or, start an art project that you can supervise and your husband can clean up.

I would definitely suggest to your husband that if he's finding it difficult, how about you 'helpfully' telling him what to do and in what order. Mine is great at doing stuff around the house but sometimes it's the lack of logic that makes it more difficult...

But helsy - sorry - your attitude to your DH is exactly what you are ranting about your mum doing to you! Can you not see?

Your DH is not doing it all as well as you would and you can't just allow him to get on with it his way.

"I'm hiding up here but can't relax because it needs hoovering" - no it doesn't. It doesn't NEED hoovering. You would like it to be hoovered but those are your standards and as you are not in a position to do it yourself and you've refused your mum's offer of help today then I think you'd probably better let DH off the hook!

I mean this in a sympathetic way btw, , just incase you think I've come across as rude (problem I had on another thread the other day).

Poor you. Stay holed up upstairs and let DH get on with it. Easier said than done, I know, but you've got to get better.

Sorry about your mum too. Mu mum's also a bit pants in that department (tho' not anally tidy, unfortunately). She kindly offered to come for a week after DS was born (he came early and I had chronic SPD and was bed bound). Rather than let me sleep, have skin to skin, feed etc while she looked after me (as per offer) she wanted to hold him all the time and told me to get on with the much-needed housework. It was far more stressful with her here as she expected to be waited on!

Hope you start to feel better soon xx

Thanks - Dh is taking dd2 (4) to a party soon so Dd2 (9) and I can watch a DVD or cook or something.
You're right about the organisation thing, but if I try to tell him what to do he just gets this hunted/panicky look.

Mum comes over when the girls are in school and Dh is at work - tbh it'd be better if they were in so she could fuss over them and forget about picking on me - of course then there's "oh dear, doesn't mummy take you to get your haircut very often?", "would you like Nain (her) to make you a nice cup of tea?"(No, they wouldn't!) "doesn't mummy ever dust in your bedroom?" and so on .

Mintyy you're a bit right, but not completely - I'm far from houseproud but do find it difficult to let others be in control sometimes.

agree with mintyy - you're doing to your dh what your dm is doing to you.

let him get on with it. absolutely DON'T do something you're not supposed to do or your recovery time will be longer.

you've slipped into martyr mode, slip back into invalid mode please