sorry to resurrect such an old thread......
I need some advice from ATM, on behalf of someone else who is beginning to realise how unhealthy and controlling his mother is, and how that has led to him being virtually unable to forge relationships with anyone but her throughout his adult life.
She is a very subtle, clever bully - everything she does is dressed up as concern, kindness, selflessness, but she has used this to undermine and destroy his confidence over almost 40 years to make sure she is the absolute epicentre of his world.
He has hidden in drugs for years and is currently trying to come off them , and - right on cue - she has withdrawn contact from him and started writing unpleasant emails to him.
It'd obvious to me that this is because he is doing something positive for himself and that is a threat to her.
I would like to send him a book, or some sort of resource (ho only has sporadic access to internet) where he can read about this, because I expect if he continues she will do the whole 'getting ill' thing before long. I think it will help him to anticipate her behaviour and might be easier for him when she does start getting more difficult (as I and many other people know that she will).
I have googled the toxic parents book you often cite, but lots of resources I see are talking about quite blatant abuse - her form is so much cleverer and subversive. I'd like to send something that's helpful in translating that specific kind of behaviour.
Thanks so much in advance - this is a v quick post as I am dashing out somewhere but I shall be back in / on later. Hope you can help.