Well and truly at the end of my tether...what would you do

[Daisypops]

I will try and keep this short as I would be typing for hours if I told you the whole story from the thread to the needle.
Been with DP for 4 years we have a 2 yo DD.
I've found various girls names and numbers on his phone, probably about 15 different ones over the last 18 months, he denys anything going on with them and says they are work colleagues that hes know for years. I regularly checked his phone (wrong I know) and not all of those names have been in his phone everytime Ive checked.

We dont live together (thank god) because hes got a flat he cant sell and frankly I dont want to live with him after all this. Anyway, we have numerous bust ups over this which has just ground me down and is starting to make me hate him. He will not allow me to look at his phone and Ive caught a few times on his laptop smirking to himself then clicking his mouse and shutting things down when I walk in the room. He has two girls names on his MSN with hearts at the side of them (sad I know, hes 34) and when he texts me he puts 'lol' and 'hun' which is so unlike him, this just makes me think he is chatting online with girls because these are the kind of words used when chatting online. He NEVER calls me hun or says lol. This may sound really pathetic but when you really dont trust someone you read in to EVERYTHING.

In January he found a lump he thought was cancer and his way of dealing with it was to drink, one night when he was at my house, I came down and he was drinking a bottle of champagne a friend bought me for xmas, he'd already drunk 16 bottles of stella, I took it from the table and in to the kitchen, he came in grabbed my hair pulled me and slammed my head against the kitchen cupboards. I was in shock but uninjured, got dd out of bed and went to stay at my mums. We were there for 4 days as he refused to leave my house. In the end I spoke to his family and they got him to leave. He had an appt at the hospital and the lump wasn't cancerous.

Things have bever been 100% with us but I just feel myself hating him. He never spends anytime with DD, hasn't paid me for her this month asked if he could miss this month because hes short and he owes me money which Im getting back in dribs and drabs.

I feel so sorry for DD, she is a beautiful clever little girl and he is missing out on so much, he hasnt seen her since sunday and hasnt asked me how she is, hes wallowing in self pity at the moment because he has tonsilitus. He is such a let let down as a father and a partner. He has let me down in so many respects. I am finding myself really hating because he is just not interested in our dd and is all wrapped up in himself.

I think the time has come for me to completely back away and get a new life. Me and DD deserves a better life than this.

I cant tolerate the mind games and lies anymore.

Like I said at the beginning there are so many other examples of his shitiness that I could tell you about but there are too many to list and I dont want to waffle.

Would just like your views and support really as my mum is tired of talking to me about it all. TIA. Daisy. xxx

I started reading this and thought you might be being a little unfair to be jealous of him having female freinds, then I got to the Domestic Violence bit and I think you have had a lucky escape.

You don't want him back do you?

If he has met someone else then I think you should see that as a positive and be thankful for the lucky escape.

Perhaps he will want contact with his daughter some time, you probably need to look into getting that formalised sooner rather than later.

you cannot amke him care. you cannto make him be repsonsible. only he can do that/ and if he chooses not to, so be it...

you cannot be held responsible for his relationship with his daughter - agree is v sad and makes you angry when they let them down - but is not your repsonibility - is his. and soon your daughter will learn that - she prob already realises.

second, forget him. he ahs been violent to you!

take the videos to snappy snaps - it isnt cheap but it will get them done. or ask around other people who can do it for you.

The videos are on his comp and need putting on discs so i cant take them to be done unfortunately.
The girls issue is a big problem for me as I caught him snogging another girl when we were on holiday together a year after we met. It was the worst time of my life, I had to get a flight home from USA because I couldnt stay. That should have been it really but I was naeve (sp?). Ive checked his phone and girls have text him stuff but before i read what the messages actually say he snatches the phone from me.

What I dont understand also is why his family dont say something to him about taking an interest in his daughter. Ig that was my son I would be sitting him down and telling him to take care of his responsibilities. Hes never provided for her and never been here for her, hes a disgrace.

Forgot to mention he doesnt remember shoving my head against the kitchen cupboards. He said Im making it and mental, same old same old! That frustrates me as Im not the kind of person to make something like that up.

Someone asked if i want to be with him, no I definately dont.

My dd is really sick today and its been hard for me I just hate him even more for not caring and leaving me in this position.

You are worth so much more than him. What an arsehole. Get your videos sorted and then dump him. You'll be so much happier without him.

It's his loss if he lacks interest in your DD. I know it's painful and hard as you see the effect it has on her, but you've got to put her and your happiness and well being first.

Ive text him to tell him shes ill and hes put 'oh no, poor little angel'
Loads of effin interest. Im starting to REALLY hate him. Do you think his uninterest in us could be bcause hes got someone else in the sidelines? Is there anyway I can catch him out? I thought about buying a sim card and just starting to text him and miking up a name, Im sure he woudl respond, he needs his ego preening constantly. Would its just upset me or shall I just let him go?

Why waste your time?

Get your discs and get rid.

Sort out proper maintenance as he should be paying that whether he is seeing his child or not.

Don't waste your time. I know you might feel like you need absolute proof positive of him being an arsehole, and you want to catch him out so that he can't deny it.

Well you know what? No matter what you catch him doing, he is likely to come up with some story or other, just like he always has in the past.

Your greatest 'revenge' (sorry can't think of a better word) is to kick him out and make a success of your life without him in it. Make your life the way you want it to be so that you walk around with a genuine smile on your face because you know in your heart you are doing the right thing.

Honestly, there is absolutely no point at all in 'catching him' or 'finding him out', why prolong the agony and hurt yourself in the meantime? Have dignity in your dealings with him and don't stoop to his level. Start your new life now, make your plans and look forward to a brand new chapter.

Thanks holyguacamole, all my plans dont involve him and i actually feel quite relieved that i dont have any torment anymore. Just want my disks!!!!

What a Bastard. I feel so sorry for you and your DD.

Was there ever a time when this man was nice to you?

CWEL-yes the first 6 months of the relationship, then we went to usa and he thought he'd get pissed and snog some young america tart unfortunately for him i walked in to the bar and hit him, tried to get her but was pulled back, oh god, im so glad i came home i wouldve killed him-literally.

Daisypops, do, please do, work on making a good life for yourself without a partner in it. Or you will move on from one not-very-bothered, unplesant dipshit to another, and the next one might be worse.
By all means try to get the videos from him, but be prepared to go without if he starts using them to try to manipulate you in any way, it's not worth it.

Ive had an awful few days. DD was admitted to hospital on sat with dehydration, tonsilitus and gastroenteritis. Didnt hear anything from ex DP from friday when I told him she was ill to sat aft when i text him to say they were keeping her in. On sunday he said he was coming to the hosptal i said i needed him to help me bathe her but it was difficult to do because of her drip. When he got to the hospital he refused to help me do it so I had to wait for my mum to get there to help me. What a complete arse. I rang him on monday with an update and I could hear his MSN messenger alerts going mad in the background!!! Anyway, DD is now home still not 100% but much better and I am glad to be rid of that idle waste of space.

You poor thing, so sorry to hear about your dd, but at least she will be more comfortable at home. This man sounds like a complete knob - you are so much better off without him and so is your dd. Does he know that you are coming to terms with the relationship being over or, in his selfish immature head, does he still think you're together and he's just 'getting away with it', whatever it is he's doing?

even if he's not seeing anyone else, i'd dump the fucker

IG-he came round to see DD this morning and asked if he could hug me i said no and he asked why?!!!!!!! Then he said arent we together anymore I told him we werent so he asked why, i told him it because I dont trust him and Im sick of all his lies and Ive had 4 years of it and enough is enough. On this note he left!

As others have said, I don't usually post on these threads but wanted to here - I'm sorry but he sounds such a selfish, nasty, immature, uncaring little bastard - Christ, the wanker won't even help bathe his daughter when she's in hospital. What sort of scum is that? For his behaviour in the last few days alone I'd dump him, let alone all the other shit he's put you through.

Apologies for being so vociferous - I'm just utterly staggered than somebody could act like this and expect to have anything at all

cestlavie-thanks, i know. Now Im actually detatched from it all Im cringing. Hes a first class prick. Hes a 34 year old man with a good job but he sounds like an immature teenager. Sad.

Actually Daisy, he doesn't sound like an immature teenager. Those teenagers I do know are a good deal more sensible, compassionate and thoughtful than him.

OMG, it just gets better. I got a text from his phone yesterday saying 'your so sexy, all i want is you, i love you' then he rang to say one of his workmates sent it to everyone on his phone for a joke! FFS.

God, what a twat.