desperate to divorce - I've got no money and can't see how I can get divorced, any advice?

[greenjean]

I'm stuck in a very unhappy marriage. been living seperate lives in the same house for two years now. hubby won't move out and ive got nowhere else to go.
He wont agree to divorce and I'v got no money. Spent 10k on a lawyer who got me nowhere, now i'm broke (earning 16k pa and strugling to pay for food). I can't get legal aid because I own my home and lawyers wont offer loans any more due to credit crunch, neither will they take a charge on your property.
I am trying to get my head round doing the legal stuff myself and representing myself in court as it seems to be the only way forward. trouble is I work during school hours and then look after kids rest of time so I don't have much available time.
Husband is a real nasty piece of work and is determined i should live on the streets if i dare divorce him!! hes just a nightmare and has got to go!

I am entitled to free mediation and i am doing this but hubby being very uncooperative (timewasting by saying im mentally ill and children in danger in my care and making bizare claims that I owe his exwife half million pounds - hes driven mediators mad and they have suggested I don't let him use it as a delaying tactic.)

does anyone know of a way around the system. should I lie about the value of my home?

Any one else represented themselves? Do i really need a lawyer?
I just can't believe that there is no help for people like me to get divorced.

I do also want to start up a campaigning group to lobby the government for access to legal aid for low income women like me - I would like money to fund a divorce that gets paid back out of the settlement.

thanks for any feedback, im jsut feeling really disheartened about the whole situation

Message withdrawn

am so sorry you are having such a crap time. surely your h realises how awful and unhappy he is making everything/everyone?

don't have much advice other than i did my divorce myself and found the staff at my county court very helpful. filled out the petition myself as well as the statement of arrangements for the children, asked the court to check it and handed over the fee (£300). www.wikivorce.com was also helpful.

my nisi was issued on the 22nd jan so I must have done something right.

BUT - things are amicable at the moment with my stbxh - thought he did do the whole 'i don't believe in divorce/why should i move out/you are taking my children away' stuff to start with but fortunately we had a very honest and open chat in a public place and things have gone well .

sorry I can't offer more advice and hope someone will be along soon to offer more support - think mumoverseas is a good mn legal type.

offering lots of sympathy and a MN hug xx
and yes mumoverseas is excellent
can you start a new thread asking for her help?
Mutha how are you btw
hope alls well

Try Women's Aid: your husband sounds quite abusive - abuse is not just hitting you. WOmen's Aid may be able to point you in the direction of a solicitor who can help.

not wishing to hijack but not that fab blonde - after a month of him telling me how much he loved me and we would get through 'this' and him wanting to see me nearly every day - he went away for a few days last week, came home and on Tues said he needed to be on his own. asked for him to post my key back and not heard anything since, obv he has major cold feet. am heart broken but doing okay, keeping myself busy and have some fab rl friends. life goes on.....

hope all okay with you and thanks for your fab prev advice.

sorry for hijack here btw
Mutha aww.
am so sorry to hear that
and i can imagine that you are truly heartbroken its been such a roller coaster of emotions for you
he has major cold feet for sure
how you want to progress things from here is really up to you
he still has your key so will be in touch
and yes it is a really horrid situation that youre in but youre approaching it in the right way and i hope you keep strong and get thru this
will always post for you if you start thread or hop onto lone parents
theres a good thread on there'let down again'
which you may find helpful or maybe not
fingers crossed for you
asbm xx

I agree with MHubbard - I think the forms are quite simple and the court staff are often v helpful. getting a divorce is the easy part, arguing about the finances will be more difficult especially if you live in the same house and he is a controlling bully. But it sounds like you can't go on like this, so I would just bite the bullet. Citizens Advice Bureaux can be quite helpful and I think Which published quite a helpful guide on do it yourself divorces, which covered finances as well.

Hi Green

How awful for you stuck in the position that you are. Is there anyway at all that you can bite the bullet, take the children, leave the accomodation, perhaps going into social housing seperately to start with, and have all the assets frozen whilst the details are started. Once you have seperated after two years I dont think he can contest the divorce any more. On your salary you will get a great deal of help with working tax credits, child benefit, lone parent tax credits etc.

In terms of the government thing, without meaning to sound negative, unless its a case of abuse, i doubt very much you will ever see a government funded divorce system. It would be perceived publically as making the breakdown of british families even easier and would be extremely difficult to have pushed through. I suspect the argument from the other side may be that there are people just as desperate to get married who dont get financial aid.

You may well however be able to lobby for more assistance for mediation and relate before it comes to that. I understand that wont help you now but if you want to change the system, my experience is that you need to take it a little bit at a time. Personal Opinion obviously.

I did my own divorce with forms from HM Court Service online and free advice sessions with the Citizen's Advice Bureau. However, I had to turn up early, take a number and wait. Best thing to do is research as much as you can about the process, make a stab at filling in the forms yourself, and then take it to CAB advice session just to make sure you've got it all right.

I went for one consultation with a lawyer at the start, for a fixed price of £120. Wish I'd researched myself first and gotten straight what questions I needed to ask! I saw one again for a 1/2 hour just before the court hearing, just to make sure I had everything in order. It was stressful, and it took loads of effort on my part, but I'm glad I didn't spend loads on a lawyer, simply wasn't necessary. My ExH spent over £3k and got nothing for it.

Forgot to say as well, I was a homeowner too, had lots of debts, didn't qualify for legal aid.

Your husband can't kick you/your kids out of the house--if anything, it will probably wind up with him leaving!

My ex was supposed to leave, but suddenly refused, so I left instead. Luckily did not have children with him so that made it easier.

wish you the best and that there was more I could do to help!