No longer single parents-how did you get dating again?

[Pawslikepaddington]

I am realising that I am turning into a sad insular loner, so want to find a nice, light-hearted relationship, but don't know where to start! Am going for a dinner at a rowing club on Saturday, and know a few of the people there, and also heading out for cocktails with another single girlfriend next week sometime (sudden spate of fed up ness has propelled me into action!) but I can get incredibly shy and insecure, so even if I do really like someone, what would I do? Do I chat over dinner and then give them my number? It seems really forward-argh! I am adrift! I have no back up support, so basically work all day, pick dd up and head home with her, so don't go to the gym/any social classes or anything as I have to pay a babysitter on top and can't afford it, so am quite unfit and out of shape (although I am still size 10/12 ish, ok maybe a 14! ), and my conversation is dire as my life is dd and work. Is there anything I can do to make myself appear nice to single guys that 9 times out of 10 will not have children themselves?

Don't worry about being out of shape, you still sound very trim!

I would say just go out and enjoy yourself, don't try and find a new husband straight away. Am also shy but have found online dating relatively painless and quite successful, easier for me than trying to chat up people at parties.

Having said that a rowing club could be a great place to pull.

Am not looking for full on marriage or anything, just really fancy cooking for someone on a saturday or sunday night and curling up on the sofa with a film or something, and maybe going out if dd is staying at her dad's, and a bit of fond affection really. I miss someone liking me enough to hold my hand if it isn't to get across the road safely (I don't mean in public even, just a little squeeze as they walk past the kitchen or something). Rowing club dinner will be great fun, as rugby players go too, and the men are delicious, but most are either in long term jobs with supermodel like ladies, or are serious womanisers!

Bluejelly-how do you weed out the scaries in internet dating? I tried it once and met a few nice men, but one the dates with them one wanted me to take on his 4 children on the first date, another had women ringing him constantly and another was 35 and still lived with his parents! Twas not the best experience ever!

I met my BF / DP through a work collegue, I had worked with him years ago, but didn't even remember him.

Strangely enough very soon I felt more comfortable with him physicaly then I ever did when I was with exH, I suppose that was because my NP has only seen me as I am now in the all together.

I wouldn't try to hard to find a BF but rather work on being more sociable, even just at work and at the kids things. This was my new years resolution after exH left. I used to scuttle off to the office and avoid all the other staff arriving, now I hang about on the floor and chat to as many as I can, I also travel with them on the staff bus rather than driving, it is murder sometimes but I actually know their names now.

This year my resolution was not to discuss exH's latest arseyness with everyone, I make an effort to chat about music, films or whatever else might interest thos who are out in the real world , sometimes I just blag it and nod knowingly.

Getting out with your single freind should be fun and again don't sit scanning the pub or club for potential males, just concentrateon having fun or you might just come accross as desperate, even though you might be .

Ahhhh... I think you are piling on the pressure for yourself.

Just get out there and have fun. Hopefully you will meet others whose idea of fun is your idea of fun, and some of them might even be handsome kind men into the bargain!

I definately recommend against giving your number out. One -how do you know that they are not a nutter, and two - men like to chase. Be interesting, not interested.

Have a go at internet dating. I did for a while after a big break up, and although I didn't find the man of my dreams, I did find out alot more about what I do and don't want in a man. I also found I had alot more courage than I thought, oh and it taught me that there are PLENTY of men out there!

Try Sarah Beeny's guide to dating book. Its a funny and irrelevant guide to dating, which will make you smile and glad to be free and single to go out and have lots of fun.

Just relax and have fun, and the right man will come flocking.

;0)

I already come across as desperate I think-I scan EVERY room at the mo! -must stop doing that!! However, the last time I went out a man tried to chat me up, and I thought he was telling me off as I had taken my shoes off because they were hurting, shouted at him and he left -I need to polish my technique I think!

You are all very knowledgeable ladies-thank you! I must admit I am currently employing the technique of talking to anyone that is near me, as if it is a lady they may be an ally, or have nice sexy man friends, and if it is a man, if I don't fancy him it never hurts to have another friend, and if I do he needs to get to know me at some point, be it as a friend or something else! I just get so shy and my throat closes up and I say stupid things-was talking to one guy at lunch about Blades of Glory and mane and tail shampoo and how he should use it ffs!

Yup deep breaths and don't try so hard. Work on developing yourself and looking like a happy go lucky carefree lady, who is laughing and having fun, much more appealing than a nervous looking woman squintng accroos the disco looking scary .

Enjoy singleness while you can, I now have the joys of someone to cuddle up to (well some of the week, he hasn't moved in) and well the bubble is burst, halfway through CSI he is snoring and slumped up against me.

I am quite good at the happy go lucky side (to the point where I can come across as a bit ditzy/silly, but am in a social circle where we are all clever or we wouldn't be there, so it works as a bit of light relief.) Would have to be true love if I watched CSI for a guy! Would be quite happy with a bit of slumping!

The slumping I can stand its the snoring that is a bit fecking much especially when he claims he is still awake

Argh yes but surely you are still at the stage where you could poke him in the side of the nose or something, and then when he wakes up you can look lovingly at him and say "I do love you", and he will think you were kissing him or something?

No we have progressed to the "FFS sake I am trying to watch this" In bed I now batterhim until he wakes up and sleeps on the settee for a while

He has an appointment with his doctor next week, so hopefull he can have something removed and it might improve.

ATM he snores like a man who would weigh 20st more than him and has drank himself into oblivion and eaten 5 takeaways. And thats before he goes to bed.

I would shove corks up his nose! But that is probably why I am single and you are not!!

lol