Dont know where to start, need someone to talk to........

[npg1]

I just dont know where to start.

OH is away all week at buisness school. When he comes home for the weekend he works one of those days. The past few weekends he has been away one day either at school still or in london. He just phoned me to say a friend phoned him who is abraord and may buy a car over here so OH might pick him up from airport to help him. I then said 'great, another day at the weekend?' and he started having a go, telling me im being unreasonable.

I feel like I cant talk to him as he never understands me, I feel so alone and the kids are driving me down so much. i dont get a break. Even when he is home he doesnt tidy up after himself.

I know he is working really hard for us but I feel like im cracking up.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. There is more than one issue here:
You don't spend as much time with him as you want
He doesn't seem to make spending time with you and the children a priority
You can't get a break from the house and family responsibilities
When he's home, he increases the load rather than lightens it

Does he stay in a hotel during the week? Men that do often fall into the habit of leaving a mess because the maid will sort it out.

Can you get a friend or relative to babysit next time he is home? If not, is there a babysitting agency in your area? I use one and the children have two regular sitters they love. Then you can get out together and talk things through properly.

He needs to know how you feel, and you may find when you talk things through that he is stressed too and you will have the opportunity to appreciate how each other feel. HTH.

Hi. Thanks for your reply.

He stays in the Halls of residence during the week. He has always been messy! Occasionally he will wash up but not much else.

We dont really have a babysitter although we are going to a party on friday night (which i am now dreading!) I do need a regular sitter though so may look into the sitting service.

I do try and talk to him but when I do he doesnt like it. I know he is stressed with the course and he has loads of work to do. There are times he gets invited out with people on a friday night but he always turns them down to come home, he made a point of telling me this earlier but to me I feel the main priority at the weekends is to be with us.

The agency is called Sitters and the fees are reasonable.

Maybe the friend pressured him into helping out with the car, and he found it hard to refuse, or owes him a favour? Would it help to compromise and say that he could do that one afternoon, and spend the morning with you and the children?

I think housework is invisible to some people, not sure how you can change that without turning into a nag!

why dont you ask him to invite his friend over for dinner or just coffee and just drop little hints like things are so much easier when daddy is around hey kids so that next time he wouldnt pressurise your husband in to helping him so much and he will also see that he is needed more at home if that doesnt work have a quiet word with his mother indirectly