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MIL rant alert!!!!
Demented · 06/04/2003 17:58
I am so angry!!! I would normally change my name for a post like this, but if anyone knows who I am and thus knows my MIL I don't care, she has gone beyond it now!
My DH is just off the phone to her and can you believe it she could not remember DS2's name, he is 10 months old!!! DH said she didn't seem in the least bit embarrassed. They have been very disinterested in our children and this just goes to prove it. Plenty of talk about houses, doing them up etc and my DH's business though! Grrrrrrr!!!
hmb · 06/04/2003 19:16
I'm not trying to pour oil on troubled waters, and I have a FIL who can't remember the names of his son's wives, so I do understand your anger. However, my mother sarted to forget my ds's name, and it was because she was in the first stages of dementia. FIL is just a jackass tho!
sobernow · 06/04/2003 20:18
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
snickers · 06/04/2003 20:22
OOOooooooooooooooooooh! Noooooooooooooo! Such awful stories! Can't believe these people - when there's SOOOO many people would be so thrilled to be parents, let alone grandparents!
Nothing to suggest, just want to add my shock and disbelief. We all know the other kind, but can you buy "world's worst grandma/grandad" mugs (badly made, so the handle falls off....)
hmb · 06/04/2003 20:31
Oh, if we are going to have examples of dreadful behaviour, can I put in the best FIL comment. He phoned DH, and at the end of the call told him to 'Have a nice day tomorrow'. The next day my DH was starting chemotherapy for cancer! In the year following the diagnosis his father phoned him 3 times.
Demented · 06/04/2003 20:49
Glad we're not the only ones. I think my DH's parents just never wanted to be grandparents, when my DH asked them what they wanted to be called they just looked at him blankly, when he said how about Granny and Grandad they looked at him in horror. When I was pg with DS1 they referred to my pregnancy as "this problem". I don't think they deserve to be grandparents and I leave all the contacting them etc to DH and wouldn't be too upset if they never got in touch again but just when I think oh that's it they haven't been in touch for ages, they don't want to know, the phone rings and it's them saying we should meet up. DH thinks it is all going to end in one big row which I don't really want either. I would like to make the excuse that MIL has dementia but events that have preceded this go to show a great disinterest in her grandchildren, forgetting DS2's name is just the icing on the cake, she only has two grandchildren, my DS1 and DS2.
hmb · 06/04/2003 21:01
I do sympathise Demented. My two are FILs only grandchildren, and he never remembers their birthdays, and even manages to forget Xmas as well. He has no interest in his sons, let alone my kids. He came over from the US at xmas, and spent 2 weeks with his sisters, and made no attempt to see any of his sons, or my children. What amazes me is that he doesn't think this is abnormal. As we say about him, he puts the dys in dysfuctional. After a while you just have to laugh at them and realise that it is their loss. But like sobernow's dad, my dad would have been a terrific grandad and sadly he died almost 6 years ago, so never met my ds , and dd was 6 months ond when he died. No justice in the world!
susanmt · 06/04/2003 21:38
My FIL is a bit like this. Remembers one birthday and forgets another (the b'days are 3 days apart, how can you forget???) - and INSISTS on calling dd by her middle name even though she is now big enough to wonder what he is on about. Dh left home aged 18 (now almost 33) and FIL has come to see him ONCE since then for ONE night. He never asks for the children (or for us) - it's all about him and his wife (not MIL) and his silly stepson who is older that dh but still lives in their pockets. He's been on holiday to South Africa twice with stepson and never come here to see his son and grandchildren. He drives me MAD and dh makes such an effort for nothing (FIL has lost contact with dh's brother totally) I don't know why he bothers but he just says 'he's my Dad'.
crystaltips · 06/04/2003 21:47
Don't you just hate disfunctional and selfish MILs and FILs ??
You guys have made me feel alot better as mine are truly awful.
Thankfully I have gotten over the feelings of guilt about the lack of contact. I don't bother any more. My life is so much less complicated now they are totally out of the picture. I don't have to feel compromised again as they are no longer welcome to visit.
eemie · 06/04/2003 23:02
Demented, sorry to hear this but remember your blood pressure, take a few deep breaths.
My MIL either pretended to forget or did forget, for months, that my dd, her only grandchild, is a girl. Referred to her as 'him', sent pointedly masculine presents (boys' clothes; a trainset for a 3-month old). When we didn't react she said to us both 'I always think of him as a boy' just to drive the point home.
She later had the cheek to complain about dd's name: 'When you've given her a lovely name like Anne, it seems a shame to call her Annie'. This is the same woman who's called her son 'Podge' for over 40 years.
Just think of Les Dawson ('The doorbell rang...I knew it were 'er...'cos the mice were all throwing theirselves in the traps' ...)
Libby65 · 07/04/2003 06:09
My MIL saw my ds yesterday (2.9) for the first time in months - we dropped in to see her and give her a birthday present. MIL and FIL wouldn't let ds into their back garden so he was trapped on a small patio with a table and chairs (where we were sitting) and pot plants all over the place. We had only been there for about 10 minutes when ds started exploring the patio, and he accidentally knocked over a small pot - it was plastic & it didn't break so dh just picked it up again. MIL's first comment was "We need a cage to put him in." (What - for behaving like a 2 1/2 year old?!) A few minutes later he tried to open the gate leading down to their back garden, but we all said "no" to him, so after a minute he gave up and moved away from it. Her next comment to me was "I suppose he's as good as gold when he's at home..?" (implicating that he was being naughty by being curious). Then a few minutes later she kind of shook her head and said "There are TOO many boys in this family." Well she has two young granddaughters too and doesn't see much of them either. So my guess is that anyone who is under the age of 20 falls into the "too hard basket" for her. I was going to try hard not to rant about this but to be quite honest, her comments really offended me and this is the first time I'd seen her in a couple of months - three comments about my ds in the space of an hour was too much for me.
susanmt · 07/04/2003 10:20
I think I resent my FIL's attitude so much because MIL, and my parents (all 4 of them, due to remarriages) are BRILLIANT with both our kids, we leave them overnight, the children choose to go into their room in the morning when they wake up when we are visiting, MIL and my parents phone at times of day when the children will be up just to talk to them, write them letters, come to visit, make us welcome. Whereas FIL just doen't seem to give a monkeys. Dd doesn't even recognise him in photos (she's 3) even though I try to tell her who he is. He just has no interest in them at all (or in me) and so I have just about given up making any effort at all.
doormat · 07/04/2003 10:32
My dp's gran was the most cruelest, horriblest old bag ever!!!!! She would complain at everything.The final straw came when we showed off our son to her. She knew he had breathing problems but she lit up her fag anyway. When my dp told her she could'nt smoke in front of the baby. She replied "Dont bring him here in my company again then " That was enough for us. She never clapped eyes on him again.
megg · 07/04/2003 13:45
My FIL is an alcoholic and we've heard from him probably twice this year (once was after midnight to tell us some distant aunt had died and he'd known a week). We had serious words with him after last year when he didn't bother about all four of his grandchildren's birthdays but then complained that no-one had bothered with his. Dp had a card this year with just Dad written in it. When he does ring up he always says he can't talk long as he hasn't any change (thank goodness) he very rarely asks about ds. At least he's far enough away that he doesn't bother us. He's always bleating on about how important family is but last year when his daughter and the kids were over from Japan he never even rang for a chat or come down to see them despite the fact he hadn't seen them in 2 years and had only spoken to her on the phone twice in that time. If we ring up he's never there (although if we rang the pub we'd probably get hold of him) or if he is there he's always in bed. Dp has practically given up trying to speak to him. Its all so annoying that MIL was a lovely woman and would have loved being a nanna again but she was the one who died. Personally I couldn't care less if we never see him again but as ds has no nannas I think its a shame he has to miss out on grandfathers as well.
Lindy · 07/04/2003 14:01
I'm with edgarcat on this one - my own mother often calls me by my fathers or brothers' names ........ and yes, senile dementia does run in our family (on the female side!!).
No longer have any in-laws to moan about but I'm sure my DH would have a few complaints about his in-laws of course!!
IDismyname · 07/04/2003 16:58
Dh had such a blazing row with his mother yesterday afternoon that she's apparently ripped the phone off the wall, and it's now out of order.
She's only 82, about to set house on fire/ leave windows and doors open, has invited strange men in to peruse contents of attic and safe, and was burgled on Saturday night. It is costing £2,500 a month to keep her in the house, and cared for adequately.
All he said was that she should think about moving out of the house.....
At least she occasionally asks about her grandson, and does know his name. I should be thankful for small mercies!
Demented · 07/04/2003 22:22
edgarcat, you're right it's not about that for me really. If she couldn't remember his name fine but DH said there was no hint of embarrassment about it or even a sorry. I suppose for me this is more about 10 years of nonsence that I won't even begin to bore you with and I just feel my patience is running out now, final straw and all that!
Meanmum · 07/04/2003 22:33
Isn't there somewhere you can adopt a grandparent??? Is this another business waiting to be set up. I shouldn't be flippant as I feel for all of you.
I thought I had issues but my MIL is an angel compared to what you guys go through. She worships our son and is wonderful to all of us I just can't seem to gel with her for some reason.
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