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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Why am I so upset about this?

8 replies

ItsGrimUpNorth · 23/02/2009 19:41

We had friends coming to stay the night and go out for dinner on Saturday night. We'd not seen them for ages and my DS and their DD get on really well. DS was really excited at the prospect.

They've just 'phoned tonight to say they're not coming because another friend who lives abroad has in the UK for a week because her father is ill. She would like to stay that Saturday night with the friends who were coming over to ours. They've agreed and rang to let me know. Why it couldn't be the Friday or another night, I don't know.

I nearly burst into tears when my friend told me this. I think he knew I was really upset and I felt such a fool. I didn't want to put another date in the diary to meet them because I felt I would come across as a bit of a doormat.

And I've not got PMT. Why has this got to me so much?

OP posts:

MrsMattie · 23/02/2009 19:43

Is it the PMT? Sorry to be patronising, but I do think that, while it's natural to feel disappointed, bursting into tears and refusing to make another date is a tad over the top.

Original poster

ItsGrimUpNorth · 23/02/2009 19:53

Definitely not PMT. It's definitely OTT and pathetic.

OP posts:

Nabster · 23/02/2009 19:55

I felt like crying when my friend wasn't able to meet up last week so I sympathise.

yama · 23/02/2009 19:55

I can imagine something like that upsetting me ItsGrim. Perhaps you are feeling rejected.

Rather than think you look like a doormat, why not think of it as doing someone a favour? Their dd will probably be disappointed too.

Nabster · 23/02/2009 19:55

she lives miles away btw and we haven't seen each other for 2 years.

what2donow · 23/02/2009 19:56

I can understand how you feel, its awful when you're so looking forward to something and then it gets cancelled for a not particularly vital reason......

I can understand as well what you say re being a doormat, I sometimes feel certain friends take advantage of me in various respects, yet i know if i were to do the same to them, they would either get all huffy, or a row would kick off

I think id sleep on it, tbh, and see how you feel tomorrow, you might feel you want to rearrange then. however if these friends do regularly drop out of things at the last minute, maybe it just reinforces that they're not that 'good' friends iyswim, and perhaps that what upset you more than the actual cancelling......

for you though.

Original poster

ItsGrimUpNorth · 23/02/2009 19:58

I did feel totally rejected, like a B list friend. It felt like something better had come up for them. I'd booked restaurant and babysitter. Disappointment is the worst even as an adult!

We'd not seen each other for six months or so.

Never mind. Self pity over. Thanks.

OP posts:

Gorionine · 23/02/2009 20:09

You know, as silly as it may sound to some, I totally sympathise with you. I went trough a similar episode a few month back, quite a few things had not really gone "my way" and when a frien cancelled on me I had the very same reaction as yours. I calmed down after a while but on the spot, the feeling of rejection was really awful.

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