SAHM

[corkscrew]

I am made to feel useles at least once a week from my DH.He calls me names and says I am financially a good-for-nothing amongst many other things.We have two children and I am not working right now but will start asap,my daughter is due to start childcare soon.I am losing my self esteem,have stopped contacting my family and feel very much like I would like to crawl into a hole.

I think you need to see your GP as it sounds like you have depression.

Your dh is being unreasonable and cruel, you need to both attend marriage guidance if you want your marriage to continue, it can't continue in its current state can it?

hi corkscrew, I'm sorry you feel so down today. There's always someone on MN for you to talk things through with, sometimes, letting things out to a stranger is a load off.

Do you think you could be depressed? Or a victim of abuse?

Oh dear. Your DH is treating you very unfairly. Have you talked to anyone close about this? Friend or relative? I think you should confide in a trusted person.

Thank you,you are all lovely to reply so soon.

Ask him to calculate the cost of 2 children's childcare, cleaning, cooking, personal shopper, etc. He'd soon realise you're priceless!!
You really should call someone/Mum? Doctor? and tell them how crap you feel, it'll make you feel so much better. So will meeting up with a friend and slagging off your bloke! They'll be happy to help too.
You've no reason to be made to feel useless as keeping children happy and running the house really is a full time job. Get a job if YOU want/need to, but not because your bloke is being a wanker. Is he worried about being the only bread winner? If so he can still encourage you to get a job in a more productive way.

Could you leave him with the children and go away for a few days - leaving no food in the fridge and instructions that the house needs to be kept up to the standard you keep it? May be the jolt he needs to see how much there is to do and be abit more appreciative.

My Mum always called herself household manager. You are managing the house and children and probably him too after all!

Exactly everyone.I know about depression and from the outside looking in ,can see everything so clearly,my children are 9 and 2.We have no family near by,the cost and stress of all the childcare options,before and after school care/full time childminder... was the reason WE chose not to.My house is always clean,my husbands dinner cooked,and our children home safe and warm,but this is not enough.

Your DH sounds charming. Whatever you do don't let him cut you off from your family and friends, and make sure you spend some time with them and if necessary talk to them about it so they can reassure you you are NOT a waste of space and are doing valuable work for the family.

Have you tried standing up to him and telling him you won't stand for this, & if so, what reaction did you get? Name-calling is just way out of order IMO, & if he keeps doing it after being pulled up on it that will at least tell you more about his intentions, whether he is just being thoughtless or deliberately trying to get you down.

Thank you all.Mumsnet is all I have right now and it is so nice to hear advice from all of you lovely ladies.I am just so confused.I have spoken to him about this on many occasions,and it just keeps happening.He is always apoligetic,and says 'he doesnt mean it'.I have heard this a thousand times before but in between times he really is fantastic,takes me on dates,buys me random gifts,adores our two children..but the words get worse and are becoming more frequent,so bad I would never repeat them on here.To tell my friends or family I would be so ashamed.I have applied for jobs for myself and because I feel extreme pressure to,but I cant help thinking that even then,I wont be good enough.Anyone been in a similar situation?

there is a very clear argument you can use. He is bringing in the money, you are looking after the children/home. If you weren't doing that, it would be costing the family around 2,500 pounds a month in domestic help. Your work is not reimbursed, but it is both valuable to your family and has a real market value. He shouldn't have agreed to have children if he didn't know about this cost.