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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Stately Homes Thread - Part 5

4 replies

oneplusone · 23/02/2009 11:18

Hi all. Please keep posting, I have to catch up on recent posts. Be back soon. x

OP posts:
snowbella · 17/05/2009 23:11

Hi oneplusone

I'm new to posting, just wrote my heart out, and then somehow deleted my own post. Still not sure how. I'll be back. I've been trying to read this post from its first roots and really hope to join. Will tyr again tomorrow!

PurpleOne · 18/05/2009 03:17

I'll be back too.

Just letting you all know I am reading.

I feel horrible right now x x

healthseeker · 28/05/2009 06:52

I just found this site and someone suggested I look for the wonderful advice on the stately homes post. I see I have some serious reading to do. Sorry about the length and all-about-me-ness...just in a bad place right now and could use some advice.

I am 41 and in a severe depression. I know it stems from my family. Here's the thing I would like to know...most responses say that mum has always been nasty. My story is different. I remember my mother as wonderfully loving when I was younger. It was when I became a young adult that it changed. I was 19 and financially dependent still (in college full-time) that I had a chemical depression and my parents were not there for me. I begged for medical help and they just said that it was too much money. My father is a doctor and just gave me an antidepressant and they would shut the door to my bedroom. A year later, my younger brother skipped school and they put him in therapy immediately. Favoritism has always been there...4 kids. One of my older sisters is a complete nut-job and has bankrupted them many times over. She rules the roost! It was always about her and my younger brother. Me and my other sister always got the shaft. A couple of yrs ago I had a baby and now that sister has gotten close with mom and she now has cut me out of her life. I feel my mom is jealous...she never bothered to help me with a new baby ( I have a joint disease and needed help desperately). I have lent her money over and over. My husband does pretty well and she seems to resent it. She seems to think that I have more than I do. I had a miscarriage a few months ago and she actually said "what do you want me to do? There is nothing I can do." When I had my baby a couple of years ago, I had to have an emergency c-section...they rushed everyone out of the room...my own DOCTOR father sat in the waiting room when I was in recovery. When asked if he wanted to come see me he said no. Everyone tells me I should get over this because he is not all there anymore. I just know if it had been one of my siblings he would have gotten out of the chair. He is in bad health now and I worry that I will never be able to handle it if he dies. I think it would be easier to accept had they been this way from the beginning. Somewhere along the way, they not only stopped loving me...but truly hate me. Sorry for the novel, I just feel so lost and broken inside.

smithfield · 28/05/2009 11:15

(((((healthseeker))))
Your story is really shocking and sad. Yes i see how that would feel so much more damaging to have had there love and approval once and then lost it.

Where are you in terms of birth order? Are you the youngest?

I think somethimes it is about control, and often about jealousy. A teeneager is less controlable less pliable.

My mother definately up'ed the anti when I approached my teens and got worse as I got older.

She was jealous of me and also threatened by me. As I was her scapegoat she needed to hold me down.

I dont have contact with my mother now and to be honest it's as though I am still paddling but the foot has suddenly been lifted from my head. My mothers foot.

As for your sister she is proably basking in the closeness she never had. She is in denial about the reality of her relstionship with your mother and that is is at 'your' expense.

Your siblings have been taught how to treat you by your parents a sad fact I'm afraid.
I know that knowing all this doesn't make it any less painfull for you, but maybe it is time to start grieving NOW. After all you are coming to terms with the fact of who and what your family truly are. That needs to be grieved over for the sake of yourself and your own mental health. You cant fix them and they will never change healthseeker. Not if they are as truly toxic as they appear to be.

Cross the bridge of your father dying when it comes. You need to start taking care of YOUR needs now.

Just to let you know we are on this thread here

Please keep postingx

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