he owns the house and wants a separation

[lulus]

Hi i need some advice. been looking on the web and its all very depressing.

not married and living with partner and father of dd, he wants a 'trial separation' and says cos its his house me and dd have to go.

its his house, i'm not on the deeds or anything. i don't work as dd a toddler and we agreed that i would go back when she was at pre-school / school cos of cost of child care.

Just read on web that I am not eligible for housing benefit.

He had told me this today and expects me to go to dinner with his family tomorrow and play happy families.

He says he has contacted a solicitor about his visiting rights to DD - and been to a counsellor this week (don't believe that bit) he is supposed to be going to anger management - relate wont see us together until he does and the specialist program they recommended for him has no places for 9 months - he says.

out on my ear I guess, wish i had never tried to make it work, should have bailed months ago, only made it worse now as covered up for his behaviour - a real jeckyll and hyde - and now he is doing all he can to make sure he gets sympathy for me leaving.

Why aren't you eligible to for housing benefit?

If you're not on the mortgage, you should be.

Fuck going there and playing happy families.

Tell him he needs to think of an excuse and don't go.

Seen a solicitor and he has anger management problems?

Don't let him rattle you! Puleeze. he doesn't have an ear to stand on.

For now, look on Shelter's website and then get your ass back here tomorrow and I will too and we'll keep bumping this thread and there'll be some real help on here.

More than I can give but what plenty on here have lived through!

You should be entitled to housing and council tax benefit and income support and if he's kicking you out, then priority for housing from your council too if you are not on the mortgage.

Bullshit him playing for sympathy.

Don't buy itno it.

Bumpity bump!

meanwhile do some searching on here.

in relationships, in the legal section.

do searches on stuff like 'benefits' and 'partner split' and any other permutation you can think of.

you've come to the right place.

just a matter of keeping you bumped and you shouting out until we're at a time we can get you some real help.

you should totaly be intiled to housing benifit. when i left other half i was housed and given all benifits . it wasnt pretty was in b and b for 6 month but thats what u will be able to get. as for going to his folks his tell him to eat his own ass. also going to see a lawyer about visitation is good get it all leagal and above board. cant believe a man that man is throwing his daughter if he was a decent bloke he would move out since it was his idea.

u may have to ham up his aggressive behavior to get housed. just turn up at the housing office with ur bags and the child. and work it.

Have you got a solicitor? I think you need one asap. And if you live in England or Wales, and have an abusive partner (if Relate are insisting on anger management I am presuming that's why), you can use an Occupation Order to stay in the family home for a year, in two six month chunks of time. Did you pay towards the mortgage before your daughter was born? That could give you a legal claim to a share in the property.

You should post in the legal section asking what your position is - plenty of family lawyers post on Mumsnet. I'm afraid all I have is a 5 year old law degree, so can't advise at all helpfully.

I'm so sorry this is happening. But though it can't feel it right now, you and your daughter are so, so much better off without this excuse for a man.

You do need some legal advice which you are entitled to for free but the best place would be the CAB

unfortunately living in someone elses house always carries a risk especially if you fall out. But you could see this as an opportunity for a new start, a place of your own and be rid of this loser!

go to the cab, keep posting on here for advice and good luck

www.communitylegaladvice.org.uk/media/808/FD/leaflet27e.pdf
is a link to a handy leaflet on your rights. You do have some if you've looked after his child and been together a while. It depends on how long you've lived together, if under 2 years then you're probably not entitled to much except furniture bought together.
I think moving in to someone else's house and having a child with them isn't a great idea unless you're married. Too late for that now, but the habit of just living together does disadvantage alot of women financially. Marriage isn't just a religious institution, it helps protect you if you're the financially poorer person in a relationship.
I wouldn't play happy families. I'm not normally that big on maliciousness and revenge if relationships break up, but in this case I'd be inclined to go and bring up the fact that your bloke is planning to evict you and your daughter at a quiet moment during the dinner. He deserves that!

Get in touch with Women'sAid: whether or not your partner is physically violent, throwing you out of the house and saying he is seeing a solicitor about access to your DD is fairly abusive behaviour.

I split from hubby 12months ago, although I have stayed in property and he moved out he has made my life a living hell!
I can really recommend enquiring around solicitors which provide legal aid then going in for an initial assessment (there will not be a charge for this), that way you can find out your rights and do not feel obliged to carry it further if you do not wish.
Citizens advice may also be able to help you, can you speak to a friend or relative about this, he is a cheeky git! even if it is his property, he should have the decency to move out short term untill you get on your feet for his daughter!, Im sure his family would be disgusted about his behaviour - my inlaws were very good to me, like you I made excuses and protected him for a long time, it is hard now but believe me you are better off without him, start your life afresh, keep your chin upx

Tell him you want an eviction notice in writing in twenty four hours with detailed reasons why he is making you leave. Take it to council, who are legally obliged to help you and if you are not working and are a single parent you are entitled to a number of benefits. And be glad you are rid of the arse. P.s If he cant demonstrate he is dealing with anger issues his rights to access are severly limited particularly when the court sees the letter detailing why he kicked you out. Call your in laws in the morning, explain the situation and apologise for not being there.

Thank you all so much for the advice and sorry not to reply till today.

I have more than 16k in savings so the housing benefit website says i'm not eligible. The csa site said he only has to give me 15% of his income less his living expenses.

I like the idea of making him give me an eviction notice in writing. will ask him.

Did not planned on NOT being married 2rebecca - we were planning the wedding and trying for baby at the same time, but he then came up with heaps of reasons why not to marry before hand - i did not like any of them, but foolishly put my trust in him that he would marry me once the baby came, and now its too late.

Yes it was relate and his own doctor who recommended anger management therapy for him. He still hasn't been. I've told lots of close friends and family about what's been going on and that seems to have stopped him so far. His own family don't / won;t believe the extent of his behaviour and just think i'm a moody neurotic cos that's what he has told them, I tried to talk to his mum but she rounded on me and said i must have provoked him, and wouldn't listen, they are not really interested as long as they have access to dd, they want more, and think they should have a say in her upbringing, preschool choice, school etc etc etc. I told partner that his parents have had they chance to raise children and should back off and let us raise dd without their interference.

Like an idiot, to keep the peace - i went to his family yesterday, got through it by sitting on the floor with dd most of the time.

Will try the web sites you recommend as soon as dd asleep - and the link to occupation order - if i could get that - the look on his face would be priceless!!!!!! He wont move out in case I trash the house he said!!

I know he will make things so awful and his family are behind him.

Without sounding rude or nosy - you have 16 grand put aside. Surely you can use this to set you and your daughter up. How old is daughter, can you go back to work? If il are being that awful and devious,move. Make it difficult for them to have a say. Even if its only five miles or so, putting some space in will make life tricky but absolutely get an eviction notice from him and make damn sure it is factual.

Yes, if you have savings you can get a rented flat or house (with the economic situation there are lots of places to rent quite cheaply), and as a single parent you will get working tax credit and help with childcare.
Though if this man is violent/abusive, have you reported the abuse? Are there records of injuries or the police having been called? If so you should be able to get him removed from the house as it is DD's family home and her needs take priority over his (he forfeits his rights by being violent).

I am already looking into rented places - not cheap at all - savings wont last long, dd one so would need nursery place - not cheap either! job in a nursery would be good if i could take her with me!

not been to police but have reported it to the docs so record there and at relate. He will deny it in any case and there is no other proof. No incidents for a while now, he is playing it safe as he knows i will dial 999.

Could you possibly transfer some or all of the savings into your dd's name, open an account for her? Would that help you with the housing benefit situation? Just a thought.

He sounds like an arse. What kind of man would throw their own dd out onto the street? Bizarre.

Echo the above re CAB and a family solicitor. I understand most will offer the first hour free.

Are you getting support and understanding from your own family? Hope so.

as you are married you may be entitled to more than a domestic partner would have been.

and you may be entitled to legal aid to help you.

i second seeing Women's Aid and the CAB.

he can't just throw you out and walk away, the twat.