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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Does your dh/dp keep you and his mates seperate?

12 replies

juicychops · 12/04/2005 22:03

I have never met most of my dps mates. He never likes me going out with him and his mates cos he doesn't like mixing us. Im starting to think he is embarraced of me. Does anyone elses dp/dh keep you seperate from his mates?

OP posts:
louee · 12/04/2005 22:09

yep my Dh locks me in a cupboard when his mates come round......lol sorry had to say it!!!! No seriously i think you should invite yourself out with them ,then he wont have a choice!!!!!

ionesmum · 12/04/2005 22:10

For a while my dh was like this. I don't think he was ashamed of me, I just think he needed some space away from work and home where he could hang out, play a bit of pool, swear and play poker! Now most of his mates have got partners and we do things as couples - in fact five of them are godparents to our dds! The important thing is that you have your friends, too, for doing the things you need to do with.

Original poster
juicychops · 12/04/2005 22:16

Well, one night when i was ready to drop, i went to a bar with my mate. my dp was meeting his mates there and asked me not to stand with him cos it was a blokes night. i was offended but did as he asked. But then all his mates had their girlfriends with them but he still didn't want me to even speak to him. I felt like a fat ugly whale as it was but that just made me feel like s**t!

OP posts:
ionesmum · 12/04/2005 22:35

That's not very nice! Do you know any of his mates' girlfriends?

Rarrie · 13/04/2005 02:12

Yeah, we keep our social lives separate. I have met his friends, and we have some joint ones, but largely I have nothing in common with his friends and find it boring / difficult going out with people I have nothing in common with. He's the same with my friends that he has nothing in common with. So we tend to do those friends separately (girls/boys nights out) and we then have other 'joint' friends who we go out with together.

Maybe you guys could get some 'joint' friends or something? Easier said than done I know but worth a shot?

fisil · 13/04/2005 07:41

juicychops, that sounds awful. I clicked onto this thread cos I was jealous of the title - dp only sees his mates when I make the arrangements (and often I have to remind him first that he has mates), I then organise for them to go out without me! But what your dp is doing sounds really unfair. Does he realise what an effect it has on you?

BubblesDeVere · 13/04/2005 07:46

My hubby doesn't mind at all, in some cases I have known them longer than I have him, and on more than once occasion I have ended up going out for a few pints with them when he is at work, I am also the same with my friends, he knows them all and has been out drinking with us all, he loved it, he was the only males in a group of 12 women and he got all the attention.

Original poster
juicychops · 13/04/2005 10:31

some of his mates i used to work with so i do know some of them but they are more his mates so that is the way he likes to keep it. i don't know mate's girlfriends cos i never get to meet them as im never allowed out with him. Ive told him loads of times how it makes me feel but he just doesn't care. Its worse cos we never go out as a couple and i hardly go out on my own cos i have to look after DS. Its like his mates are more important than me.

OP posts:
ionesmum · 13/04/2005 10:56

What do you mean, you're not allowed out with him?????????????????

I seem to rememberthat you are quite young. Is your dp? He sounds very immature/insecure.

Original poster
juicychops · 13/04/2005 11:00

Yeah, hes 22. he is very imature for his age.

OP posts:
Donbean · 13/04/2005 11:03

its more that i dont want to mix with his work colleagues certainly! Im uncomfortable with them feel i have absolutely nothing in common with them and would rather not meet with then. Besides that dh goes out with them maybe 1/2 times a year so im not missing much.
We have friends who we started out as singletons with and now we all meet up together regularly with husbands, wives and girlfriends. Its fab. Have trouble fitting them all in truth be told.

ionesmum · 13/04/2005 11:25

Juicy, this is his problem, not yours. Tell him how immature he is being. If dp's mates are really going to judge you, I wouldn't bother even wanting to spend time with such shallow people. Your dp is undermining you and he has no right to. He has no idea how hard it is to be a mum - how it rocks your confidence and self-belief. Since having dd2 I've put on weight and feel like a knackered panda but dh still makes me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth.

Your dp needs to grow up.

Meantime, what might make you feel better - for yourself, not him. A new haircut? A massage? A workout video? Some sleep?????

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