What do you think about long...

[Wuxiapian]

... distance relationships?

I met a man online 7 years ago and we kept in touch via email/chats for a year or so.

Lost contact until this Xmas when he popped up online. So happened that he was coming to UK to visit family as asked if I wanted to meet up.

We did and hit it off straight away - no funny business, mind.

Anyway, more email exchanges and he invited me over to Switzerland a few weeks ago. I went for the weekend and we had a fabulous time - with only a smidgen of funny business this time.

He wants us to meet again soon. I get the impression he'd like to get serious.

My family/life is here and I can't ever imagine leaving. He loves it there and his job is kinda immovable.

I also have to consider my son - do I uproot him from everything he knows?!

Talked to a few friends all with conflicting views.

Do I go for it, try get what happiness I can or is this a non-starter?

Wise mumsnetters, please give me your views?

Any responses very much appreciated.

I had a long distance relationship for about 6 months (talking 100s of miles not different country) We spent a fortune on hotels (good fun but darn expensive!) and came to the conclusion that we had to decide sooner rather than later to get SERIOUS or not......we did, married a few months later and have been married for almost 14 yrs now! I was lucky though and I do realise that. Give it a go and then decide - if you love him, do it, if you just like him, I honestly wouldn't.

I don't think it is time to move yet.

Hubby and I lived just 2 1/2 hours apart for a while and then lived together for 6 months before he bought a house a couple of hours away. I said I was moving with him or not at all until we were married. We moved together and have now been married for over 9 years.

Wow, cluky! Congrats!

It's too early to bring the love word in to it, but I've certainly developed feelings for him.

He's intelligent, funny, cute and we just kinda gel.

He's always on my mind and I crave his attention.

I know that the more time I spend with him, the greater my feelings will become and that's what I'm scared of. Then the heart-breaking decisions would have to be made.

One friend thinks it's a big no-no. Another reckons I have nothing to lose.

I'm so confused.

Craving his attention worries me a bit tbh.

But, Nabster, if we were to give it a shot, the dilemma would be who, if either of us, would be prepared to move?

He has a fantastic life in Switzerland, and as much as I'd love to spend more time there myself, living there away from everthing my son and I know doesn't bear thinking about.

Ok, Nabster, craving's probably not the best word.

I'm missing him, I guess. Says he's missing me madly, too, and keeps asking when/where we're next going to meet.

I guess I moved to be with my man and it was a risk as we were't engaged or married and I was selling my flat.

You move - you gain him but lose the life as you know it now.
He moves - he has to get a new job and leave behind his life as he knows it.

Difficult one.

Thanks - it worked! (and neither of us could have predicted it to be honest) I did know that I loved him though and he fulfilled all the 'criteria' which I considered important in a marriage relationship (ref: children, stability, wider world views, married for life etc, etc) I agree with Nabster ref: marriage/living together though - neither of us wanted to live together as we thought that we needed to either commit or not commit - nothing in between. I would give it some time til the 'shiny' wears off a bit and see if it becomes something more lasting and meaningful. Then you get to make the decision together.

Wux - it sounds lke early days but promising - good luck x

Incredibly difficult, Nabster, because ultimately, one of us would be sacrificing.

Clucky, you think I should continue with things, then, see how it pans out?

Wux I think that as you continue in the relationship (if successful) it will become a whole lot easier in the decision making - instead of it being 'who is going to sacrifice' it will be 'we are getting hitched, we move to be together because that's what happens'. Again, you make the decision together, for the right reasons, with everyone;s welfare in mind because you love each other.

When I got married we both moved as my dh got a new job a month after we got engaged and I moved to be with him, BUT then commuted daily to my old job - a mere 98 miles away. Mad decision but I had to do it as I felt I didn;t want to move life, job, house etc all at the same time. It didn;t take long to realise that I was being a dipstick though and I changed jobs!

We got to the point where we had a full and frank mind blowing conversation on holiday and we realised that both of us wanted to get very serious, very quickly and after that decisions were joint ones - still difficult in their way and we had a few ding dongs but teh basic premise was there - we wanted to be together.

Don't look at what you would be sacrificing - that won't last long - but look at what you will gain.

Clucky, how often were you seeing one another during those 6 months and how soon was it you realised you wanted to be with him?

Nabster, that makes sense...

My son's father and I split after 5 years and I guess the fear of another relationship failing is another thing holding me back.

Not sure how to overcome it.

You've just had a few dates. How can you be thinking about uprooting?

I hve had quite a few broken relationships and a couple broken engagements. Just served to make me see the man I did deserve when I met him. If I had met him sooner I would have walked all over him.

I would say, enjoy it for the moment, don't spoil what could be some good fun times with fretting about what might happen. Long distance relationships can be terrific as you don't have to opportunity to get bored with each other.

Wux - we used to see each other every other weekend, although occasionally every weekend. I still remember the '3pm on Sunday' moment when it dawned that we would have to leave each other again. I was pretty sure from that point on (and after spending a miserable weeks girly holiday pining after him like a teenager!!)