I'm begining to feel like an invisible woman

[LucyEllensmummy]

Things between me and DP are good, but just this week i have felt pretty invisible. Several things and i just wnat to get them off my chest really.

He is working quite a distance away so is getting home late, he has dinner, puts DD to bed (its his thing) - falls asleep on her bed and ended up going straight to bed. So i don't really get chance to talk to him.

I was TRYING to talk to him about something really important yesterday (well its important to me - i am thinking about doing a teaching course this year but my decision affects his business and i need to make my mind up SOON, so i need his input). He was playing with DD (aged 3), sitting with his back to me -"I don't have to look at you to listen!" So i tried to carry on with what i was saying but DD kept interrupting and he just let her talk over me, answered HER questions and when i said to him "I am TRYING to talk to you" his answer was "well DD is more important!" So i gave up. I'm not jealous of DD, i think its really important to listen to your children and interact, especially dads but i also think she is old enough not to butt in when people are talking. I was upset because i knew that he would just go to bed after putting DD up and i wouldnt get chance to talk. I don't mind really, i know he is tired as he is working long hours and has a long commute just now.

He went to bed, so i went up too - but he made it clear he didnt want to talk by rolling over and being grumpy because i had disturbed him.

Today he has gone to work again, i phoned him just for a chat - well i thought i might have half a chance of actually being able to finish a sentence. He was unloading his van with his nephew - he stopped talking to me mid sentence to say something to his nephew who is helping him with the job and just carried on talking to him while i was waiting on the end of the phone. So i hung up as i was trying to get breakfast ready too. figured he would ring back - he didn't. So i stewed for a bit - rang him back, he was clearly irritated that i hung up, but before i got chance to say that i thought i should let him get on DD had grabbed the phone from me wanting to talk to daddy. She was ages making small talk - very cute actually. She always cuts off before i get chance to grab the phone back - did he ring back? Did he bollocks!!

I did send him a silly text saying "I am the invisible woman" to which he hasn't responded, but i do feel really upset and hurt by this.

The only evening he hasn't gone straight to bed was one where he wanted me to type up estimates for him and he needed to tell me what was what.

Am i being over sensitive, he must be really tired at the moment, but i do feel pretty insignificant right now.

Its making my decision to do the teaching course very easy though

Yep - invisible on here as well!!

Sorry - couldn't leave this unanswered - and you're not invisible!

Sounds like you didn't pick your times well to try and talk to him - and if he's pretty busy at the moment surely it's a good thing that he's still devoting his attention to your DD?

And I wouldn't ever dream of calling DH at work if I know he's busy - it only makes things worse.

You need to say to him that you want to talk, and when would be a good time to have his undivided attention.

(Good luck with your decision, if it's not already been made!)

Don't worry - you're not invisible.

I'm having a shit day with my dh too if that's any consolation.

He just rang me - said we can have a cuddle tonight!! HAd to cut off though cos his nephew needed to get off of the roof - bloody inconsiderate if you ask me .

Yeah, is just he is tired tired right now - so am i. We could do with a night out but not a chance of getting a babysitter - arrrggghhhh!

I am currently on teaching course and i can throughly recommend it. The problem is now I have loads of stuff I want to talk with my partner about( lots more interesting than my old baby talk) and he still ignores me. Again, fabulous father, but I cease to exist unless it's to be 'Mummy'. The teaching course will give you a taste for lots of stimulating conversation, just don't be disappointed if your other half still ain't interested.

LEM - I know from previous posts that this is a bit of a recurring theme for you.

I think you are over reacting to these particular issues. No way would I ever expect to ring my DH when he's at work and have a conversation - he's there to do a job! And likewise, he wouldn't expect me to drop what I'm doing at work and start chatting.

The underlying issue though, is that you are reflecting too much on all this, and worrying about it, when maybe the best thing for you is action. You say you are thinking of doing a teaching course this year. Shouldnt applications have been in by now? When is the deadline? You've mentioned this before - perhaps now is time to act. I know there are issues with your partner's business but tbh there will never be a perfect time. Life is all about grasping opportunities. Why not forget about over analysing for the moment,and take a positive step forward. Then you may find a role reversal - that your partner is actually eager to find a time to talk to you because he can see that you are being positive and getting on with your life.

Good luck