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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What is it about me that makes people not want to bother with me?

17 replies

MrsDoylesBoyle · 19/02/2009 23:07

I supposedly have 2 'friends' but it is always me who calls them or texts.Noone ever thinks of texting me or calling me.I took my dc to the park on monday and there were a quite a few moms there.I felt very sad and alone as they all had friends with them but i have noone who would go to the park with me
My parents literally live down the road and even they hardly bother with me yet have plenty of time to 'help'other people.
There must be something very wrong with me as it always happens.
I have tried to meet other moms but it either never comes to anything or they are not my type of people.
I am very lonely

OP posts:
scrooged · 19/02/2009 23:12

I have a saying that I've used on here quite alot. "Life doesn't come to you, you have to go out there and grab it, kicking and screaming and let it know that you are here and that you want to live!"

What are you going to do about it. If you don't like it then do something. Those mums are not going to come to you first. What about joining a club that you like to meet people more like you? What about doing a course in something you enjoy? There will be more people who like the same thing there right??

jasper · 19/02/2009 23:12

have your kids started school yet?

pinkteddy · 19/02/2009 23:14

Oh dear so sorry to hear you are feeling like this, I am sure there is nothing wrong with you. How old are your dc?

There is a thread going at the moment for mums who want to support one another at making new friends. I will try to find a link for you (not sure what it is called).

Timeisablindguide · 19/02/2009 23:14

Don't worry about the parent side of things - my parents don't seem to have time to come and see us very often and yet make plenty of time for their other commitments. It's maybe something that happens once you've done the parenting bit and your kids are older and have their own children....
as far as the other stuff, scrooged is right, you have to get out there and just see what you can make of the environments you find yourself in - are there mums at the clinic you'd like to meet for coffee? Maybe ask them to join you for a coffee while the childen play etc...

curiouscat · 19/02/2009 23:17

Hi MrsDB, you sound a little depressed. I reckon other people can be disappointing sometimes, but it's not usually about you so much as their busy lives, being rubbish at keeping contact etc. Perhaps you could try not to take it personally and keep in contact anyway.

Those playgrounds can be lonely, but why not go ask another mum the time, crack a joke about the weather, whatever and see if you get any friendly vibes back. Everyone else is probably bored and lonely too. Invite another mum round, or a child round and ask the mum to stay for coffee. Good luck

motherlovebone · 19/02/2009 23:18

i read threads like this often. am sure theres nothing wrong with you. or me, i go to the park on my own.
why dont you broach the subject with your parents, perhaps they have no idea you feel like this and think you are doing great without help.
join some meet up groups, ask the HV.
netmums have a whole list of mums wanting to meet other mums, and mumsnet can put you in touch with people i think.
dont cling/rely on these 2 friends you have, make more friends who are wanting the same type of friendship.
try reading some self help books.
do more of this and less of this

Original poster
MrsDoylesBoyle · 19/02/2009 23:20

My eldest is in yr2 so i am familiar with the school and dd2 goes to preschool.None of the moms seem to want to break away from their little cliques(large ones actually)

OP posts:
scrooged · 19/02/2009 23:23

You don't need these mums, there's loads of other people out there. Neighbours? Dance class? course? activity? Does dh/dp have a friend with a partner equally in need?

Sometimes it can be good to have nothing in common, you can learn about them

Timeisablindguide · 19/02/2009 23:24

Ah those cliques can be a pain, that's for sure. I bet, though, that if you did get the opportunity to speak to some of the mothers on an individual basis, you might find someone like-minded - I moved to a new location and found it hard to break into the cliquey atmosphere in the school playground but did find a couple of the mothers who lived very near me and who became good friends just by chatting regularly.
Does dd2 go to preschool full time or are there some days you and she can go to another social group to meet others? Maybe if you asked your parents to babysit you could join a class for yourself and then meet people that way and some of them may well have children too so that could turn into something nice for you and for both dds? I hope things perk up for you.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 19/02/2009 23:24

Awwww

get involved in PTA/preschool committee?

It's hard

Original poster
MrsDoylesBoyle · 19/02/2009 23:26

dd2 only goes to preschool a couple of mornings per week but i have tried toddler groups and its the same thing there.

Dp has no friends.

OP posts:
pinkteddy · 19/02/2009 23:29

this is the thread I mentioned are you lonely - quest for life thread

Original poster
MrsDoylesBoyle · 19/02/2009 23:34

I never go out socially not even me and dp.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsDoylesBoyle · 19/02/2009 23:38

Thanks pinkteddy i shall lurk on there.

OP posts:
Tanee58 · 20/02/2009 02:05

It's not that there's anything wrong with you - you and DP may be very self-contained, that's all, and those groups of mums in the playground can be very daunting. I remember it well, I felt just the same as you.

Try joining the PTA - that worked for me. Eventually I found that we (including me) were considered a bit of a clique by other mums, even though we tried to be outgoing. It became really hard to recruit new members and we wondered if people were put off by the fact that we knew each other so well. But we did do a lot together outside PTA meetings too. Having said that, now that our kids are growing up, I don't see my old PTA friends very often and am feeling a bit like you - unless I ring them, they don't ring me - but I have to stop feeling paranoid and make that call!

AussieSim · 20/02/2009 02:59

I feel the same a lot of the time and what I am working on is being a better listener as often I can be a bit me me me and run off at the mouth a bit. I am an extrovert and if I have only had my kids to interact with all day long and then I finally bump into someone or catch up with someone than my mouth can go a million miles an hour. My husband and I often resolve to invite people to our place or to go out more often but I think both of us are a bit too me me me and our intentions don't amount to too much. HTH

Original poster
MrsDoylesBoyle · 20/02/2009 20:51

Thanks for the replies

The PTA? not sure i know anything about it tbhand i imagine they would meet in the evenings? i work in the evenings during the week so am a bit limited.

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