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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Hate nights in alone

23 replies

expelliamus · 19/02/2009 20:19

What is wrong with me I should be happy, got 2 wonderful DS's and boyfriend, good friends and pretty much life is good.

But I hate spending nights in alone, I feel trapped and resentful towards B for not coming round. I know I should relish the time to myself and read and catch up on stuff or watch movies, the list is endless but I still hate it and it makes feel so unhappy and want to cry. I feel lonely.

What do you think?

OP posts:
InSearchOfLostKeys · 19/02/2009 20:27

I feel a bit like that Expel (great name btw.) My dh works away a lot and that's when I feel a bit like you, and can identify with those lonely moments.

I feel MN comes in handy at those times! Is this a recent thing or have you been in this situation for a while? I just ask because I think it's something you get used to, my friends know this too and we tend to catch up one way or another once DCs are in bed...

Maybe if its early days in the relationship, you just want to see more of him, which is understandable, have you told him how you feel?

Original poster
expelliamus · 19/02/2009 20:40

thank you I love Harry Potter!

I thought of people who's dh's work away and I guessed it was pretty normal and that helps. B and I have been together a year so I'm not sure its that (although I'm besotted with him) I try not to take it personally that he just wants to stay put for the evening with his boys toys but I cant help thinking why dont you want to see me? but I also know that's nonsense and it's not really an issue.

I think I'm just feeling trapped as I'm a single mum and can't go out if I want to, I have to rely on visits and that makes me feel a bit powerless. I can't walk the dog or nip to the shop or join a club. It's people and conversation that I want, not solitude and I feel very frustrated that I can't do anything about it

OP posts:
fabbiemamma · 19/02/2009 20:41

grow up

Original poster
expelliamus · 19/02/2009 20:48

i appreciate any advice but could you expand on what you mean by "grow up"?

OP posts:
InSearchOfLostKeys · 19/02/2009 20:50

I love HP too, was one of those adult saddos reading it on the tube when it first came out

Ah early days! Tis all that passion It must be frustrating, my DM was a single mum so I can relate, are babysitters not an option? Maybe it would be worth it to give you some time out but more importantly give your boyf the impression you're not just waiting for him but are out being sociable regardless? just a thought, you may find he starts to winge about not seeing you enough

InSearchOfLostKeys · 19/02/2009 20:53

fm must be so grown up she never ever feels like this, well done her

Original poster
expelliamus · 19/02/2009 20:59

lol, I'm on my second go with the lovely Harry and yes good ole fm, very useful.

also lol at the idea of making b a bit jealous, it's funny cos it doesn't take much to do that anyway, I think he's quite besotted with me too

no, for me it's a hobby i need and your suggestion of finding babysitters has made me think that actually I dont ask the grandparents for anything, maybe it's about time I did? Now to find something to join ????

Thank you again isolk you've helped!

OP posts:
Sidge · 19/02/2009 21:12

My DH is in the military so is often away for months, so I understand how frustrating it is being in on your own, not even being able to pop out for chocolate milk.

However I think it is healthy to learn to be on your own and to amuse yourself some nights of the week. Try and cram loads of adult company and activities into the daytimes and enjoy the peace and quiet in the evenings to watch what you want on the TV, to Mumsnet, read a book, have a bubbly bath, paint your nails etc.

If you can get babysitters then check out your local 6th form college, many do evening classes.

Original poster
expelliamus · 19/02/2009 21:18

I've just emailed a couple of yoga instructors to see what's out there, could be just the thing.

You are so right Sidge, that's the weird thing though, I've never been afraid of my own company and love to soak away and read a book, I've got some wicked stuff to listen to on my ipod.

But ultimately it's that old beast "you can't so you want to" reeering it's ugly head. Well I need to say f off to it and make the most of the quiet eh?

fingers crossed for the yoga tho, that'll keep the B keen if I'm fit as, hey!!

OP posts:
skramble · 19/02/2009 21:25

I am having a shitty night myself too, exH just dropped the kids off so they are into PJ's and off to bed.

When I finished work I went to get something for dinner and couldn't be arsed as it was just for me, so I andered patheticly and got more depresed.

So now watching crap tv and on here again.

Original poster
expelliamus · 19/02/2009 21:27

I eat badly when I'm on my own too

OP posts:
InSearchOfLostKeys · 19/02/2009 21:39

Oh joy just had to change weed on bed-sheets (Ds nearly 4 still not dry at night - but that's another thread)

glad to be of some help, classes def a good idea not just to get you out but also to meet like-minded folk outside of mum friends,

hope u feel a bit better expel

skramble · 19/02/2009 22:15

I just pig out, then again when DP comes to stay we are just as bad, ok I admitt it I just permenently pig out

Original poster
expelliamus · 19/02/2009 23:02

I feel much better thanx guys

isolk, My 3 n half yr old still has occasional night time accidents, gotta love the waterproof sheet!! Sexy hu?

night all n thanx again

OP posts:
Pinkchampagne · 19/02/2009 23:17

I live alone with my boys & have a DP who I have been with 18 months. I see him a couple of times a week due to us living in different towns & him working nights. I do sometimes feel lonely, especially when he has left after spending all weekend with him, but it generally only lasts a few hours. On the whole I think it is good that we both have our own space.

DP goes skiing tomorrow for 10 days & I am really going to miss him, but I have planned a night out with a friend, arranged a night round my sister's, and invited friends for an evening round my house to keep me occupied. Then there is MN which is always great for lifting you out of a low moment!

Original poster
expelliamus · 20/02/2009 14:55

MN?

OP posts:
AnnVan · 20/02/2009 15:21

MN = Mumsnet.
And about Fabbiemama. Either she is a troll, or just likes stirring trouble, because I saw her earlier on another thread, and being just as unpleasant.
Not unusual to hate nights in alone. DP often has to work late, and sometimes goes out for a drink after work. By the time he gets home I'm often spitting mad from being stuck by myself.

darcysotherhalf · 20/02/2009 16:23

i get like this too when dh is out doing kung-fu for the evening once a week. i also find its when ds plays up mainly because he knows his routine is out of whack so its not like i get an evening off!

Original poster
expelliamus · 21/02/2009 19:58

I've signed up for a yoga class on a wednesday so i've got something of my own to do, just got to keep my fingers crossed my babysitter will work, should be ok tho

I've been doing a lot of soul searching over the last couple of days and I reckon I'll be ok just got to make the most of it and if all else fails I'll come on here, it's great! thanks to you all

as for Fabbiemama, she must have a much sadder story than mine to behave like that so i'm extending a bit of sympathy her way and am not offended by her in the least

OP posts:
Original poster
expelliamus · 23/02/2009 15:35

I've lucked out on the babysitter :-( wasn't mean't to be

OP posts:
Pimmpom · 23/02/2009 15:42

Arw expel, was it the GP's that you asked? If not, could you try them?

Hope you do make it out for your yoga night.

Original poster
expelliamus · 23/02/2009 20:20

thank you Pimmpom, your kind thoughts have worked! I can definately go this week (gp) and next (sil), something might come up after that so I'll keep crossing my fingers

OP posts:
Pimmpom · 24/02/2009 13:07

Hurrah! Enjoy your nights out

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