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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to stop pushing DH to show he cares?

3 replies

Moop · 18/02/2009 20:29

I know I have always wanted more affection/care than my DH has been able (or willing?) to give. Since our DD was born 12 months ago we inevitably have very little time for each other or for ourselves and this is going to get worse when baby no2 comes in May.

I find myself dwelling too much on the little things which make me feel resentful DH is away this week on work and I mentioned on telephone that I was off to the drs today because there had been some thought that baby not growing properly. He didn't say anything - not "hope that goes well" "let me know what Dr says". Spoke to him today (albiet 5am where he is so tired) and he didn't ask " how did it go at the drs" - I think he would have completely forgotten.

I have often found myself thinking over this last year "I am over here - can someone notice me - take care of me?" It is not helped by me having no family of my own and we now live far away from the few close friends and his family that we have. He is very much like his mom and dad who don't think you should ever complain about anything.

I find myself wanting/ waiting to see someone around me show me they really care and I know the more I push the less it is going to happen.

OP posts:
lessonlearned · 18/02/2009 21:23

What made you decide that he was the one for you, if you have always known he has such a stiff upper lip?

nkf · 18/02/2009 21:26

D9n't talk to men at 5am when they are tired. And don't expect them to change. that would be my advice. Get some support elsewhere.

Spaceman · 18/02/2009 21:35

My DH is a bit like this. I've learnt not to expect anything too sentimental from him. He cares in other ways though. Fifty years ago a wife'd be greatful if her DH came home every night with his wages. Now men are expected to be in touch with their emotional side. I would agree with nkf - look to your female friends for emotional support. I also don't have family around me by the way so I'm not speaking from any better situation than you.

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