Bloody families.

[twentypence]

I have had to ask my parents to come and see us seperately. They are still married (although I often wonder why) but I can't cope with the constant stress of the arguments, my mum constantly critisising my dad until he explodes.

I am not well and this isn't helping. Ds hates it, dh really hates it.

I have made a stand today - the minute they started arguing on the phone about making another trip out (for Christmas - a time I would like ds to enjoy) I simply said "I can't listen to this anymore" and put down the phone.

We often get cut off, but by the time they called back I had taken myself off for a shower. I have an email from dad apologising (sort of, it's more of another dig at my mother).

I have said they are both welcome - but not together. Seriously if they decide they can't do this I really think after 36 years of them arguing that I would actually rather not see them.

And I do know that's crap for ds.

Good for you - concentrate on what you need to do for yourself and your family. They have been using you as an audience like squabbling toddlers and you've put a stop to it. Well done you

I am crying and at the same time giggling at being given support from someone called homicidalmartriach. I love mumsnet.

Well done you! Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and say enough is enough.

twentypence it is do able but hard I don't speak to my dad at all, and so just have a relationship with my mum,
Although maybe your request will let them have a good long look at themselves

Me trying to move in with a friend during my GCSEs so that I could actually get some revision done didn't prompt them to take a look at themselves.

After so many years the arguing is a habit for them.

i also think that you did the right thing. i admire you for being able to do that. my parents bickered for years and years and years. they hardly ever seemed to talked WITH each other. it was always sort of AT each other.

that must have been really hard during your GSCE's.

I really hope things get easier for you and your DH and DS.

It peed me off that they wouldn't just let me move in with the friend as they obviously were not going to stop arguing.

It really sounds like they want you to be the audience, they are fighting like children and want you to decide who is right.

You're doing the right thing in refusing to put up with it. Can you always cut them off (on the phone, in person) when they start up with this nonsense?

Well it's got pretty easy phone wise. Nothing in 36 hours. I think they are probably going into decline at the thought of not seeing their grandson.

When they come to stay they live with us for over a month at a time. Towards the end everyone is in a different room and I am doing all the housework and cooking because I am capable of doing it without shouting at everyone/criticising everyone that tries to help.

I did comment last time they stayed that what amazed me was how surprised they genuinely seemed to be when they had exactly the same row for the 1000th time, with exactly the same lack of any sort of resolution.

They have no friends near them (they haven't moved in 33 years, they just don't have any friends), my brother will see them for 5 minutes, and leaves as soon as they start.

They have never shouted at ds or dh, and I don't really remember them shouting at me or my brother (only when we had done something very stupid). We did go to a lot of stately homes though

I was going to suggest the stately homes thread ...

Ds phoned them today as he does every Saturday morning to tell them about his week. Then he gave me the phone as he always does - and they were going on about their flights for June. They managed not to argue - my mum was quite obviously on her best behaviour.

But obviously they have ignored the fact that I have asked them to come at different times, and when they get here they will be as awful as ever.

So now I guess I have to find them a motel - and insist they stay in it.