I'm seriously bored in live-in relationship with DP. When we first went out 3 years ago he seemed to like me on the grounds that I knew about lots of stuff like history, books, politics, "culture" blah blah. He expressed an intelligent interest in stuff and seemed to want to know more. I was attracted to him because he is nice, genuine, helpful, sweet etc., and because he was prepared to talk about ideas and stuff - for the first time i'd encountered a partner who would explain aspects of his work from first principles rather than fobbing me off with "you wouldn't understand". He was also happy to ask me about aspects of my work from first principles.
In the last 3 years he has become more and more boring - he will only discuss computers, in great long monologues, but can't really be bothered explaining things in a way I would understand. If i say anything about my work (or politics, music, art, whatever) he listens, and then goes on talking about his computers without responding to anything I've said. He used to be keen to go to museums, galleries, films etc. with me - but now the only time he isn't glued to a computer for work or faff, he's off out with one of his friends. Usually i'm not invited out with the friends. Every evening is spent in front of his computer. He stays up til about 3am faffing about on the computer, then sleeps til after I have left for work. on weekends it is the same - I try to at least go back to bed for a cuddle when he's waking up at 11am, but I often have work things that prevent this. The most we see of each other is sleeping in the same room for about 3 hours per day.
Sex isn't great, and only happens about once a month at most. I've tried to talk to him about it, but he clearly just isn't very interested in sex... i'm not that interested, but once a month or less is making it hard to remember which bit goes where!
We're happy and loving around each other, but I'm feeling utterly stifled. He doesn't seem to think that we need to spend any time together, since we live together, and eat dinner together. He doesn't see that all conversations being monologues about obscure aspects of operating systems is insanely boring. Every time I try to talk about something else he says "but I don't know about that stuff sweetie, you can tell me about it, but anyway blah blah blah (computer geek stuff)"
It's not like he isn't capable of knowing about things... he even showed some interest about 3 years ago... his parents aren't one-dimensional or uninteresting. I'm always trying to offer options of doing other things - he usually gets out of it with the "explanation" that "it isn't interactive enough for me"....WTF?? does everything have to be pressing buttons and whizz-bang computer games, particuarly for a bloody 32 year old academic with a maths PhD... hardly the most interactive gaming-oriented lifestyle!
I guess there are 2 issues here: he likes his computers, but is it unreasonable to occasionally wnat to talk about something else? and we spend no time doing anything together other than eating (usually me listening to a monologue). If we go out (very rarely) it is because it's a social thing involving someone else - incidentally, always his friends... he's always too busy to do anything with my (increasingly few) friends.
He's not an arse at all, but I'm beginning to find him really irritating.....