I understand what you are saying about withdrawing from him when you are hurt as I have a similar tendency. However, I have learnt that it is better for me to tell him why I feel hurt (or vice versa) so we can work on that together. We haven't been to counselling but have worked really hard together to sort out some issues we had that were affecting our relationship as a couple.
It has been hard work and has taken us a while, but we have done it at a pace that is right for us, not one that has been dictated by a counsellor or even by the cost of going to counselling. It hasn't been easy but we are back to being a proper couple.
Of course it may depend on what your specific issues are. We were affected by a lot of things outside our marriage (bereavements, family issues etc)which had a knock on effect on our relationship. Deep down though, we never stopped loving each other , just got out of the habit of showing it. We had to remember what had attracted us to each other all those years ago (over 30) and then start to show it again. We went out together more, (easier for us as our children are late teens) and were sayithowitis and Mr sayithowitis, rather than mum and dad. We became quite selfish about being us rather than somebody else's son or daughter or brother or sister or niece or nephew, we learned to say no sometimes when others were making demands on us, so that we could be together working on us.
Sometimes some things can't be changed and you both have to find a way to live with it. Obviously you can't do that with everything, but maybe you have to change the more important things first and see how it goes? You might find that if some things do change for the better, the other things are suddenly not so important and you can live with them?
I really do wish you success in whatever course of action you decide upon because it is not easy for you.