Please help me, this is worrying me sick

[memoo]

I have 2 dc from my first marriage. When I met my now DP a few years ago ex husband tried to make as much trouble for us as he could and kept phoning social services with rediculous lies. DP and I were investigated and eventually SS decided everything was OK and left us a lone.

A few years later I am happily pregnant with my first baby with DP. Yesterday I stupidly read a story in a sunday tabloid about a parent who had been investigated by SS years before, he then went on to have a baby with new partner and SS took the baby into care.

I am now really paranoid that this will happen to us. Even though we never did anything wrong and SS haven't contacted us for a few years what if they find out I'm pregnant and start coming round again.

Am I just being really paranoid?

have u heard anything from your ex to give u the inpression it would if not enjoy being pregnant and stuff him

Maybe go to the health visitor, just to have it on record that although you feel confident and capable and happy as parents-to-be, you're concerned your x is still vengeful.

Having it on record could give you peace of mind. I sympathise. My x is insane and tried to paint a picture of me as being mentally ill and incompetent. Luckily nobody except his mother believes him.

Really don't worry, if they thought all was well before they have no reason to bother you now. Think it is probably pregnancy hormones .

My experience of working in social services was that they were very happy to close cases and leave them closed.

Ex doesn't know i'm pregnant yet, i'm dreading telling him because he really is nasty. I left him after years of mental abuse but he really would still do anything to get at me.

think you may be right about hormones bumbley, my stomach is churning today though because i have got myself all worked up about it

Do you need to tell him? Try and relax - your pregnancy, your baby (well and dp's!), your life. Talk to someone, even if it's just a friend or your midwife maybe just to get the reassurance you need. Good luck.

The only reason I was going to tell him is because he still see the DC we had together and I don't want him to him from one of them and start questioning them about it.

I hate that after all these years he still has the power to affect my life

Yes, you do need to tell him then. Can you call his bluff and say that you've spoken to "someone in authority" without actually saying who or what and that everything is as it should be, I really think you need to talk to someone though - citizen's advice? Sorry, not much help really - I'm sure you don't need to worry though.

Oh, please don't worry. If social services were concerned they would not have closed the case. If he makes a new complaint then they will see the last case on record and see that it was closed with no problems or action taken.

Perhaps for peace of mind you could contact social services yourself and let them know you are concerned your ex might try to make trouble? I'm sure they see this sort of thing all the time. It's really none of your ex's business that you're having a baby, and unless he has pretty unrestricted access to your home and life he wouldn't have a clue if anything WAS actually wrong - so how could he possibly complain!

I would blame the hormones, i'm also pregnant and am getting spitting angry at everyone at the drop of a hat.

You would not believe the amount of malicious allegations SS get in situations of family breakup. They are not daft. Unless you are refusing to take their advice in meeting the DCs needs (as was the case in the paper) you have nothing to fear.
Don't forget when these things are reported, SS are unable to put their side of the case due to confidentiality - the family are not bound by the same restraints and can say what they like!

thanks for all the advice guys, I think hormones are playing a big part in this. I'm very weepy today as it it.

I just love my DC more than anything in the world, they are my most precious little things.

LL you are very right, your post is spot on

LessonLearned, can I just hijack this thread pls?

My DD (4) has lived in the same house (with me) all her life, goes to a private nursery / school in the town, has ballet on a Friday, sees her maternal grandparents every Wednesday night / Thursday daytime and has done since she was 6 months old and has the same group of friends (who all live round here) for 4 years.

My ExH left about 1.5 years ago and moved 200 miles away. He sees her roughly once every three weeks, doesnt attend parents evening, never has her in holidays, etc etc.

But, he is a solicitor and is threatening to take custody. I think he's insane. Is there any way SS or a court would move her?

Sorry for the hijack Memoo.

Don't worry about it. A friend of mine has just heard that SS have recommended that she gets custody of her DC even though her exH was telling loads of lies about her being a bad mother, an alcoholic etc.

SS were able to see from speaking to both parents and the children that it was just a vindictive loon trying to make trouble for his exW.

Good luck with your pregnancy. Don't let your Ex spoil it.