Eternal childcare debate....again

[frostyfingers]

Here we are at half term and I'm moaning again about sharing childcare with DH.....He has been v quiet at work for the last few weeks, and I've been really busy (only meant to work 2 days a week, and it's been nearer four), which is great as all money is welcome. Now he's got a few jobs lined up, and hey presto he's arranged the first one today when I'm in the office (at home), and another for Thursday when I'm working and not at home,in fact will be out from 9.30am - to 11pm. Now, all the days I was working were put on the board, plus what was on at half term but never mind, he just went ahead and fixed things without looking. So, guess who had to work Friday morning (last chance of a bit of time to get things sorted before half term) so that I can take the afternoon off to take children to dentist.....As well as the usual interrupt work and go and make sure children aren't watching too much tv, fighting, and feed them. Guess who has to arrange for someone to come in on Thursday to cover while I'm out. Now, it's a new business he's started and we can't afford to turn jobs away which is fine, but just a little forward planning (ie go out on Wednesday when I am here) would have prevented all this. Cross? Me? I'm bloody livid as yet again I'm supposed to bring in the money - been our only income for the first six weeks of this year - and do everything else as well. Last straw this morning - "oh, can you get some more coffee, you forgot last week....." lucky for him he was in the van otherwise I would have strangled him. We've had conversations, but it always ends up with, oh it's a new business, I've got to go as soon as I can (he's a plumber)- don't want to let people down. Fair enough, but most people, unless their pipes have burst or are without heating are prepared to wait a day or two if things are explained to them. I know this is nothing new, but every time it crops up I have to have a rant, it's the only thing to make me feel better!

Do you have a large family calender on the wall. Can you sit down and agree specifically before half term exactly what is on and who will cover.

Yes he is taking you for granted, but both of you are trying to do the same thing which is earn money for your family. I feel your pain though, my DH has a high powered whizzy job but seems to be unable to understand the simple dynamics of scheduling child care on the days we are both working as he knows I will always sort it out.

But do rant away if it helps.

I made a point when I knew all this work was on of typing up a sheet and putting it on notice board, and said that those were the days I was definitely out. We have a whiteboard which I update each Sun with whose doing what, when and where. It's the guilt thing I suppose, work always takes priority, although generally they are very flexible about moving my days if necessary (really as long as I do the hours and let people know when I'm doing them that's fine). Unfortunately this is a massive project and involves attending unmissable meetings. I feel as always that my work takes 2nd place, and I'm always the one to compromise and rearrange. I suppose I'm under pressure and just not handling it very well -also a possibility of the organisation going under, so need to a) show willing and b) make as much money as possible in case it does! DH is always happy to fetch and carry children,as long as he's free, esp on my usual days of Mon & Tues, but just won't change his arrangements to fit mine, its always vice versa. Off to make pizza now - something they can do most of, and doesn't take long! Nothing changes does it...

Please use paragraphs or double spaced lines ff. What you are writing is v interesting but hard to read.

I know its very difficult when both of you are working. In our situation DHs work does take priority as he is a contractor so we lose out on a lot when he takes a day off, whereas I have holiday accumulated for emergencies.

TBH it sounds like you are both under pressure and in this current climate I can understand why your DH doesn't want to delay appointments and leave people without heating for 2 days. If it was me in that situation, I'd phone up another plumber.

Are your children at school and this is just a half term issue ? If not then maybe you do need to invest in some occasional child care to try and cut yourselves some slack. Costly but worth it if your DH is trying to build up a business and you are in the middle of a massive project.

Sorry, writing as I speak - too fast! Will try harder!

The stuff he's gone out for today isn't urgent, new shower, if it was a leak/dead boiler I'd put up with it! I do so want his business to succeed, and understand his need to get out and do things, it's just on this occasion it could have waited till Weds (the person he's doing it for is a friend and knows how things are here).

This is just a half term and holiday thingy, tbh I'm just feeling stressed and crabby. I'll have another talk tonight and we'll try and prioritise. Sometimes it's just the manner in which it's handled that gets my hackles up - I'm off, you'll deal with it, sort of thing. You're right though, as ever it's a "serious conversation" that's needed.

Was that easier to read - thanks for taking the time to wade through it though, another perspective is always helpful.

Yes much easier

It does sound annoying, but I guess it's not the worst fault in the world. It sounds like you are both working hard so I do think you have to try to be nice to each other.

tis annoying though, I have one day off with DS ( currently napping) and DH seems to think I have time to fit in a weeks worth of chores and cooking, as if I'd have time for that with my extensive Mumsnetting habit !

We had the conversation last night - I thought we were all sorted, that for now it was best to leave things as they were, but next time to be a little more clear as to what each of us was planning/needed.

So, wake up this morning and DH in a huff, and without telling me has cancelled today's job, and taken the children off to do some general shopping. I give up......I asked him why, that I thought we'd cleared it up last night, that it wasn't good cancelling an arrangement, but didn't really get a clear answer. Don't you just hate it when they get all martyred?

So now nobody's happy! Grrr....

TBH, I sympathise with you both. You are clearly feeling taken for granted, not unfairly from what you have written, he is trying to get a new business off the ground which is not easy at the moment.

If I needed a plumber, even for a small job, I would want them ASAP and if one couldn't come today, I'd continue going through yellow pages or whatever until I could find one who is available. At the start, he needs to be able to rely on a lot of word of mouth recommendation and being available at a time to suit the customer as well as being good at the job and reasonable with pricing, is one way to do that. My own work schedule means that actually, the little, not urgent type jobs would have to be arranged during school holidays because that's when i am at home.

If I were you, I would be cross though that he has cancelled an appointment, especially after you talked about it last night.