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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

When will i feel better?

8 replies

shoptilidrop · 15/02/2009 19:20

I kicked my ex out a week before christmas, im currently in the process of moving out, and have a new house, new job etc.. and am moving back home to be with family. This last week i have been ok - feeling quite positive. But after a massive row with him on the phone, im just a mess. He said some things so hurtful i feel like i have been stabbed. Im boiling with rage and frustration and feel such bitterness and anger. Then i get off the phone and disolve into tears and then believe all the hurtful things he has said.
When will this get any better? When will i not be affected by what he says? I know i need to try not to be drawn into it and hes just trying to goad me and hurt me - but its so hard. He knows exacally which buttons to press.

OP posts:
cathcat · 15/02/2009 19:32

Sorry he has upset you so much, and you know that is his way of lashing out at you. You sound like a strong person, kicking him and making lots of changes. But upheaval is upsetting and stressful even if it is your choice and for the best so you are bound to have low points. Doesn't help when he is being horrible.
Have a good cry and get it out your system then remind yourself all the reasons why you are changing your life. I think you will feel a lot better tomorrow.

shoptilidrop · 15/02/2009 19:45

I think if i had a hug it would make me cry even more. I know i will feel better tomorrow. Ill be ok.
Im going to look for a new bed tomorrow too - so i can leave the old one here, i dont want it in my new house. Ive got two weeks left here and i feel like they will be the longest 2 weeks of my life.
Im just so upset, he said he only married me as he thought i deserved it for being with him for 2 years and he had been away alot ( hes army) and that all his afairs were my fault as im mean and horrible and beacuse i got fat. Apparently im so fat he feels discusted by me, but still wanted to have sex with me because he wanted to cum. ( and yes, i may be fat, im a size 16, i have pcos and find it very hard to lose weight, but when he is away on tour the weight does come off - probably something to do with being less stressed)
He said he only begged me to take him back ( we split up before and i got my own house, job etc.....) becuase he wanted to be a family, but still didnt actually love me.
I KNOW he is trying to hurt me, but it works, it does hurt me, i feel terrible. My confidence is on the floor. I want to hide. I feel ashamed of being so fat.I feel like it is all my fault. Rationally i know it isnt, but today i feel like i deserve it.
God, i sound so pathetic, really i do.
Im sure ill wake up tomorrow and feel better. Just wanted to hear from others who have maybe experienced this and can tell me when i will be unaffected by what he says?

OP posts:
lessonlearned · 15/02/2009 20:45

When will you feel better - TOMORROW!!!
You already know what's behind his unkind words, which you know he wouldn't bother saying unless to hurt you!
Try not to let him under your skin and it will get easier with time.

jazzpants · 15/02/2009 20:45

hey shop, my ex is still like this and we broke u March 08, I am still in our home, he has moved in with his ow, im sorry you are feeling rubbish, I totally understand, im a size 8 and apparently im scrawny with no arse! im also too thick to have a conversation with and he is too intelligent to to be married to someone like me, for a while I was on the floor - but one day you just have a better day then they become more frequent and out number the bad days, i now know the problem is with him not me, I have a good job, fab friends and a beautiful son, all he has is a fat head and an ugly personality! oh and a small penis also! lol.
You will be much better without this man, Let him be someone else's problem - you have served your sentence, keep smiling your a free woman at last! xx

cathcat · 15/02/2009 20:52

Great advice from other posters. I think you need to put your self first and work on your self esteem and that will help you feel better. He sounds like a tosser btw and probably feeling like shit now he's said all those things to you. Rise above his childish nonsense and get on with your life - that will piss him off no end.

mamas12 · 15/02/2009 20:57

Try not to actually talk to him. Just say what you need to say by imparting information and then Bye!
It will get better, you won't be sooo affected by him in time and that time will come sooner than later if you keep conversations to a minimum. Hugs and good vibes coming your way.

elmoandella · 15/02/2009 21:29

it gets better. you can always loose weight. he will always be an arsehole.

whereismumhiding · 19/02/2009 21:01

God what a horrible man. What nasty things to say to the mother of your child. You so have done the right thing to leave him. He's just being vindictive as you threw him out. Size 16 isnt fat, it's curvy and lots of men will LOVE that. He's an idiot to show you how vile he can be, as hopefully it will make it easier to blank him when you have dealings with him. Imagine a mute button on his mouth, or put the phone down next time he starts getting nasty.

I'm not surprised you felt crap after him saying such hideous things, that's a normal reaction. I doubt any of those things he said were true at the time, just the most vicious things he could say to hurt you. Hopefully you are feeling better now and realising that he sooooo has a problem that's nothing to do with you. xxxxx

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