mum's only been here for 5 mins of a 10 day stay and already has caused a meltdown

[MuchLessTiredNow]

I can't believe her!!!! dh is in the army, and ds1 is only 5 - and very sensitive (AS SHE BLOODY WELL KNOWS) and she told him today that in 5 years time we would be packing him off to boarding school and he would have to fly back on his own in the holidays to see us. FFFFFFFS not only have we NO intention of sending him to boarding school, as she knows - why on earth would she say it? it took me an hour to calm him down. God, amother 10 days to go

sorry - needed to vent

Love the 'amother 10 days to go' was that a freudian slip?
Keep you sense of humour with you at all times. Get her to laugh (and busy)as much as possible, and your ds.

oh gawd. Can you put your DS to bed and have a verrrrry long story session with him to stay out of the way. My DS takes ages to settle when I stay at my inlaws . (I do like them, but they drive me a bit mad)

At 5 I think it's reasonable to say to your DS that he shouldn't believe anything his grandmother says unless you have confirmed it's true, especially if she says something he finds upsetting.

I know that it will undermine your mother and he may lose some respect for her, but under the circumstances it may be the only way to avoid expensive therapy for him after she's gone.

Was she like this when you were little?

what on earth was she thinking?!

my mil is like this. last week she told my ds who is three that he was colour blind cause he mixed up the colours on the trffic lights and dyslexic when he got his letters wrong. I can cope with about 5 minutes tehn i have to leave. Its half term so get her to take them out or something.

Your poor little boy

I hope you told her in no uncertain terms that what she said was waaay out of line and that kind of thing wouldn't be tolerated again!

yes how shocking! definitely have a chat with your son and explain she was wrong, but if you can do it calmly i'd also have a chat with her (after your son is in bed) and ask her why she said that, and not to do so again.

It sounds to me like she's used the situation (and your boy) to make a point - how does she feel about your DH being in the army?

If it makes you feel any better my mother is arriving on Sat. And Boy, am I not looking forward to it.

Tell him that if you do send him to boarding school you'll only send him to Hogwarts.

I am thinking you may be needing this thread for venting many many a few times in the next 10 days.

Prompt DS to demand to be taken somewhere nice and expensive by Grandma

Probably best to have a little chat with DS1 about not believing everything she says - if he is anything like my DS he may worry about things without neccesarily telling you....

thanks for all the positive support. She is a bit of a hyancinth bucket, and thinks that to have 'one's grandchildren at boarding school' is a status symbol. Dh didn't promote last year, so she was v upset she couldn't boast to her friends...... so far today I have spent a lot of it taking ds1 out with me to try and reassure him, whilst leaving her with ds2 - who never listens to anyone anyway (god love him ) and dd who is too ickle to be traumatised..... the thing is, I promised myself I wouldn't let her get to me this time!!! thanks ladies, though: you've HELPED

Keep it up - my grandmother was like that. You probably need to give her some other accomplishment to play 'grandchildren top trumps' with - not that will stop her complaining - when my DB and I were both at Oxford Uni, my Grandmother still managed to give my DM a hard time because her friend's DGC has passed their driving tests

have you thought of locking her in a cupboard occasionally for respite?

My mother got v upset and tearful that all her friends had grandchildren - which is total b*llocks - when I was six months pregnant.

I told her I was going as fast as I could.

When is she leaving?

another 5 days to go. She has come out with some priceless utter crap in the last 4 days, including trying to get me to buy a house in a swanky village - for no other reason, it seems than she could talk about it to her friends.....

I think the cupboard idea is a good one, although I have been sneaking out a lot for respite myself....

Why don't you tell her that if she wants you to
a) send ds to boarding school
b) live in a swanky village
c) insert any other status crap as needed

that she PAY for it. ask her for the readies. that might shut her up for a few minutes. Well, seconds maybe.

Or mention casually that you are so glad you have REAL friends who care about you for who you are, not petty materialistic consumerism obsessed nutcases who have to live their lives by proxy through others.

Or get her drunk on G&T before dinner, get her to tell you some naughty family secret and then blackmail her with it for ever more.

Not that i am practised at dealing with toxic inlaws, oh no. Just guessing.