can I just offload :(

[offerdilemma]

me and xh have been split up for some months now. He left me for ow

He has constantly been saying he wants to come back and I let him at first, then, after about 4 goes in which he constantly went back to her, I had enough and said no more.

He has been saying for ages now that he regrets what he did, wants to be a family again, cant stand the sight of ow as she reminds him of what he did etc etc. They properly split up again 2 weeks ago (the sixth or seventh time? almost once per month!)

Since then we have been very amicable, and I even thought perhaps he means it this time.

But I am moving away (only 40 mins down the road) and we had a long chat in which I reiterated that he has to be away from her for a long period of time before I will consider rebuilding anything. unfortunately, I do still love him, and really want to be a fmaily again He is having counselling, and I really thought the 'old' h was coming back.

But I called him tonight to talk about access arrangements for tomorrow, and he is back with her. He says its because I am moving away, so there is no chance we will be a fmily again.

I KNOW this is an excuse, and a very poor one at that. And he is trying to blame me for what were HIS choices. But I guess that I am upset that AGAIN I was moving forward, only to find I was still hoping we would get back together.

So sad

again.

Offer.. You WILL feel better soon.. it just takes some time and space. You just need to concentrate on you and DS and take your ex out of your considerations for a bit. All this to-ing and fro-ing keeps the pain fresh and starts to blur the boundaries.
My ex was exactly the same.. left me out of the blue for another woman and then turned up a few months later (just when I had stopped crying myself to sleep every night) saying he could not live without me... he continued to contact the OW and would even dissapear for whole weekends at a time saying he needed time to get his head straight.

The pain was incredible and like you I was devastaed at the loss of what 'should have been'. After around 10 months I found the strength to move on and I too moved into a new house. It was tough but also extremely empowering for me and DD. My new home was about just us and not my ex..

Can he not see your DS away from your new home during the week? Letting him in your new home while so raw maybe not a good idea... and believe me when he sees you moving on he will really put on the pressure to come back.

Your DS will be ok as long as you are ok despite what your ex says. My DD was 5 when we finally split and she is now a lovely bright 13 year old who has recently decided to reduce contact with her Dad as he is so unreliable. I am incerdibly close to her andI think the split made us closer. I am with a lovely sparkly new DP and we have a 2 year old together. That would have been unimaginable to me 10 years ago.

You just need to clear your head of hima nd move forward. I promise it will get better xxx

devendra - what a lovely post. Thanks so much
I totally understand the bit about him trying to come back just after you stop crying yourself to sleep. I think they are either attracted to our strength iyswim, or else they want us to stay weak.
I am looking forward to the move (fingers crossed it all goes through ok), as it will be a new start. And he will have to see ds at mums midweek as I will be too far away (I will be at mums then anyway).

So I need to prepare myself for him to up the pressure when I move. Well, forewarned is forearmed and all that...

It's far better to be a single mum than putting up with his despicable behaviour. Yes, you will have to grieve the ''perfect'' fairytale family but you WILL come through it and create your own fairytale which is far superior to what he has to offer. He has stamped on the fairytale. Don't let him do it anymore. It's painful but you WILL be happy again. It IS great being a single mum- i love it. Don't listen to those who say otherwise.

All i feel i can do is repeat something i read on here once

A man is like a monkey
They don't let go of one branch unless they are holding another.

The bloke is a prick.
So even though i know you still have feelings for him (being your hubby once and the father of your DC's) maybe even love him, he REALLY REALLY isn't worth it..the pain .... best way to get over a man is to get under another one, go out, have fun and find someone who respects you and the kids enough to be faithful and stay with you. Good luck flower xx

Sounds like a terrible situation.
I think, in order to get over him, you will need to completely detach yourself from him...he is messing with your head and heart and it's not good for you.
In the end, a loving relationship is build on trust and respect for eachother, and surely that is not the case...he is using you...