I feel so betrayed how many more secrets has he got?! does anyone eles get this behavour how do you cope?

[skylark2000]

my husband is so selfish i have been used as no more as a hole in the mattress and called a different womens name, he has photos of old girlfriend, caught him surfing porn and viewing on tv wanked off tisuses left on floor for me to pick up in the past, now just found emails to an old friend (girl) hidden why doesnt he say and be open? if is it just a friend not a old crush or girlfriend he talked more to her than me im just a slave!.God knows what eles has been wiped from the computer history with his sorded secrets I have followed and surrported him in his job and him getting his own buisness but when i get angry about his behaviour there is no apoligy He only does anything with our daughter when he feels like it and what he wants to do. He doesnt talk to me he comes home want his tea and beer then just to watch tv, on the rare occassions we have sex it is grab ass tit and drive for home foreplay only is given by me to him he never returns or is intrestedif im satified. i have to give notice if i want to go out on own for ptfa but if he has somthing he wants to do then that comes first. He said he hasnt done anything for val day as i left to one side one year and he hasnt forgiven me he doesnt remember why that i am always addressed as mum in card and it from him and daughter presents aere things like kitchen or food he likes or for xmas someing to be used at work for the buisness money tight but he spent money before and after xmas on him self and going out for the day. he forgets birthays and wedding anerverseries, i took our daughter on went to his mums it took him a week to come after his mum and dad talked to him he never even phoned to talk to his daughter. I feel like crying all the time i have been brought down by him so low and that makes me angery as it really is not worth it. he hates the fact i told is mum about his ways that they are not my family and his secrects should remain so. my parents were very abusive and he often brings up that i doent contact them he never liked them and i wont expose my daughter to grandparents who wouldnt come to see her or hold her. has anybody got a simular position or advise on how to gett him to see the secrets have killed me with the betray i feel. i would like to read your comments on this and any advice.thankyou

Your post is really hard to read.

But my advice is, it's a circle of abuse, I'm sorry to hear about your background. I rarely say this on here but please leave him, for you and for the sake of your children.

It doesn't sound like you are getting anything at all out of the relationship. Please find out your legal rights with regard to the house, etc and then make plans either to leave or to get him out.,
You do not have to cut your DD off from her grandparents if you separate from your partner - it sounds as though they, at least, are supportive of you and fond of her.
I would also suggest you look into getting some counselling to help you come to terms with your own past, and to understand that you deserve to be treated like a human being and that NOT all men want a skivvy and a sex slave and there is no need to stay with one who doesn't treat you well.

that is really hard to read sorry I gave up half way through and it made me wonder if it's teacher training day somewhere

Poor you. He sounds like an absolute wanker. Why are you bothering? You know you could do so much better don't you? Start putting you and your daughter first. Go on, as of today, put yourself first. You will be so much happier.

Sorry to hear you are so upset and feel so worthless by your husband. I woudl second the advice to leave him. Save up as much as you can, look into your rights as to the house/child support etc. Check out with the bank - maybe you need to block any joint accounts, or remove exactly half of the cash, in csae he empties all your accounts to get back at you. Make sure it's clear on how you can keep the house, if you leave, would it be harder to get bît back, etc. But you sound like a strong woman and a great mother who has been treated badly for too long. Please look after yourself, and your daughter. You can do so much better than what he 'gives' you. Good luck.

You sound very upset, low and sad. He sounds awful.

Would you want your daughter to stay with a husband like yours?

If you want keep the relationship going I would suggest counselling but it sounds like he is so self-involved he would see the problem is 100% you and not put any effort in.

You can't live like this for the rest of your life.

Separate and you and your dd will be happy. H and his family will still see your dd but you can get on with your own life.

Mascara that was bitchy and unnecessary.

Fucking hell. If a bit of support is conditional upon frigging paragraphs, here you bloody well go.

"my husband is so selfish. i have been used as no more as a hole in the mattress and called a different womens name, he has photos of old girlfriend, caught him surfing porn and viewing on tv, wanked off tisuses left on floor for me to pick up in the past..

now just found emails to an old friend (girl) hidden! why doesnt he say and be open if is it just a friend not a old crush or girlfriend? he talked more to her than me

im just a slave!.

God knows what eles has been wiped from the computer history with his sorded secrets. I have followed and surrported him in his job and him getting his own buisness but when i get angry about his behaviour there is no apoligy.

He only does anything with our daughter when he feels like it and what he wants to do. He doesnt talk to me. he comes home, wants his tea and beer then just to watch tv. on the rare occassions we have sex it is grab ass tit and drive for home. foreplay only is given by me to him he never returns or is intrested if im satified.

i have to give notice if i want to go out on own for ptfa but if he has somthing he wants to do then that comes first. He said he hasnt done anything for val day as i left to one side one year and he hasnt forgiven me.

he doesnt remember why that i am always addressed as mum in card and it from him and daughter presents aere things like kitchen or food he likes or for xmas someing to be used at work for the buisness. money tight but he spent money before and after xmas on him self and going out for the day.

he forgets birthays and wedding anerverseries, i took our daughter on went to his mums it took him a week to come after his mum and dad talked to him he never even phoned to talk to his daughter.

I feel like crying all the time i have been brought down by him so low and that makes me angery as it really is not worth it. he hates the fact i told his mum about his ways that they are not my family and his secrects should remain so.

my parents were very abusive and he often brings up that i doent contact them. he never liked them and i wont expose my daughter to grandparents who wouldnt come to see her or hold her.

has anybody got a simular position or advise on how to gett him to see the secrets have killed me with the betray i feel. i would like to read your comments on this and any advice.thankyou

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I wonder if perhaps english is not OP first language?

OP - if this is all there is to the marriage, you would be better taking your daughter and leaving?

however, I know that what a person puts in a post is sometimes not the full picture, perhaps there is a lot about the relationship that is worth sticking it out for. Do you want to stay with him? Why? What is worth staying for?

And why are you with this man, exactly?

Omg Hecate !
You took the time to re-type all this, i take my hat off , i couldnt bother to not that it would be helpful anyway as my english isn't good.

But i thought it was so kind and shows how kind and supportive -sometimes- mn can be.

OP i am sorry but i dont think this man is worth it. You deserve better

hecate - well done.

Mascara sometimes its easy to call troll when actually the person is just from a different background from you, or perhaps different education, or experience with the internet, or whatever. I think to be a decent troll sleuth you should concentrate more on content being overly bizarre and less on sentence structure. MN - while full of many clever and intellectual people - is not class/opportunities based and you should either be helpful, or stay out of it. Calling troll when there is not much reason to do so seems gratuitous.

skylark - your marriage sounds awful and your husband sounds less of a man to me for it. You deserve better. You need to build your own self esteem up first and foremost and also prevent your daughter from learning her father is the type of man she should marry. But well done for posting here, to me that says you are on the right path.

skylark - I like your name, it's lovely.

I am sorry you are having such a shitty time in your relationship. I'm sure you'll get lots of good advice on here.

Hereidrawtheline is right love, and the others- you will be happier if you start taking steps to get out of this...there is a lot of support here for you, I hope you keep posting and find some help x

skylark - do you have friends in RL that you can talk to - I think you need someone that you can be honest with and who will give you support to get out of your marriage. Your husband is not improving your life, he does not make you happy and that will impact on your dd and your ability to give her a happy childhood. Get out. Think it through and come up with a plan that means that you break as cleanly as possible - try to gain indepenence emotionally and financially if you can. Look to the future and aim each day to give you and your dd some happiness. Good luck.

PS please ignore the rumblings about trolls ect - it is not helpful to you and you have other things to focus on