Mother-out-law aaagh

[ilovetochat]

MOL has rung me, managed to remember my name now it suits her, to ask where dp is cos she has rung him 3 times and he hasn't answered, told her he is at work till 6.30. She then asks me why he isn't answering? How the hell should i know? she asked if he was home for lunch and i said i doubted it.
anyway dp did come home for lunch and found his phone he had left switched off under his pillow, phoned his dm and she said she had been so worried he should always answer his phone and could they come round at 6.30, dp said yes.
aaagh.
the exact time he is due home, i bet they come early. i may hide
they drive me mad.
i didn't put this in aibu cos i know i am and i don't care.

Go out and don't come back till 7pm. I used to 'hide' from my MIL all the time (so sorry-the queue in supermarket was huge!!) but I think my DP clocked what I was up to and gave her a bloody key!

Woooah, you don't want the key scenario!! Half-six and no later then!

if she gets a key i'd change the locks and i'm not joking.
she rings and if you answer she says oh you are in then we will be round in 10 mins. just cos i'm in doesn't mean i want company, not theirs anyway
apparently they have bought dd a toy, thats what they do when they want to come round sooner than planned.
where can i go at 6pm?

tescos and asda are open all night - my personal favourite bolt holes ;)

I wouldn't be happy with my husband arranging visitors without checking with me first, and I would check with him before inviting folk. Seems common courtesy if you live with someone. At least at 6.30 you can be busy making dinner so leave husband to entertain his parents.

problem is i will do dinner for me and dd about 5.30 (she is only 19 months so can't wait) and put dps in the oven for him so when he comes in at 6.30 he will sit eating dinner and i'll be left being talked at by the OLs.
I don't mind dp inviting anyone over, it's his home too but he could have said come at 7 or come Friday at 6.30 but he can't say no to his mom. and when she has a present she wants to bring it instantly and keeps ringing and ringing and turning up at the door till she gets in.
They always come early as dd goes for a bath at 7.30 and they say they don't see her enough.

I would KIL_L DH if he gave his mother a key. Know she was one for his SIL and brothers house and showed no shame at walking in on her DIL ironing her shirt in her knickers!!

It sounds as though you need to discuss this with dp and make sure he invites his parents when he is available to entertain them and not expect to eat dinner whilst you do it. To be honest if my husband invited his parents round without checking with me at a time when he'd be eating dinner I'd leave his dinner until after they had gone, but then I've always eaten with my husband rather than with the kids and wouldn't invite anyone round at 6.30. They could wait until the weekend, your mil isn't a toddler herself, she should be able to wait. Really glad my bloke isn't a mummy's boy and his parents live a good distance away.
My inlaws are fine but once every couple of months is plenty, mind you my grandparents lived 3 hours away so I wasn't brought up with the idea that kids must see their grandparents every week that some overly enmeshed (in my opinion) families seem to have. I have great but infrequent relationships with my family and suspect the 2 go together. Fleeing the nest by a good distance is recommended

we are doing well to keep their visits to weekly as they live 3 miles away, they visit their other grandchildren 3 or 4 times a week so think thats the norm
well, at 6pm i was just loading dd into the car to tesco (thanks prettyfly) when dp got home early so i told him we were going shopping. he wanted to come but i knew then we would have to rush back so i told him to go and eat his dinner instead.
dd and i had a walk (well she charged) round tesco and bought essentials, oranges, cakes and chocolate buttons, all chosen by dd and had a great time with all the assistants making a fuss of her cos it was quiet. then we sat in the car singing while she ate her buttons, then i drove the long way home and got back at 6.40pm. mission accomplished. OLs were waiting, dp had to let them in and make their tea and entertain them.

thanks for all the good advice.
when do most people see grandparents? just at weekends? work nights are busy but then i like to keep weekends more for just us so i suppose i can't win.

Dh's parents are obsessed with seeing us on a Sunday afternoon and get very put out that we are unable to do this regularly (I am a nurse and work shifts; also we do like to socialise with other friends/family on a Sunday and not reserve it exclusively for the).

Could you either encourage your dp and dcs to visit them (i.e you don't go every time) or alternatively arrange to see them on a weekend morning leaving a good part of the weekend for other things?

before we had dd dp used to go and visit them on his own straight from work sometimes and i would see them fortnightly, which was fine.
we don't take dd to their house much as it is dirty and very unsuitable for a toddler so we have to watch her constantly and follow her every step and it takes us both so dp couldn't take her there on his own really.
most saturdays dp works and gets home 7pm, sunday am we go to church and pm we like to go swimming or the park or family stuff. dd still naps for 2 hours in the day so a family visit would screw up the day really.
my dad visits in the day as he is retired. my mom and step dad visit straight from work and are gone before tea time and dp often goes to the gym that night (crafty) so maybe i could find a hobby to do the night teh OLs come.
ideally the OLs would like to visit me and dd in the day a few times a week but i have only let this happen a couple of times being caught off guard. they thought when i became a sahm they would be sitting round here all the time, no way. they want to see dd 2 or 3 times a week but me and dp would never get any time on our own so we just insist once a week is enough.

I've always lived at least 3 hours away from my parents since having kids, so it was a 3-6 times a year thing. My first husband's parents lived a couple of hours away so it was similar. My current husband's parents are only 40 minutes away, but his kids are older so visit grandparents when they wish, whioch isn't often as they've got other priorities so it's prob 3-6 times a year. Husband works near them so pops in most weeks for a cup of tea after work. I see them every couple of months.
We're both busy on weekends and both us and the kids have sporting hobbies etc so I'd hate to be tied to having to visit or be visited every weekend. There's also homework, music practice washing, cooking etc.
I think I'm just not hugely family orientated (outside husband kids and stepkids). I suspect if I have grandchildren I'll expect infrequent involvement rather than constantly wanting to babysit etc as that's what I'm used to, and I can't see me stopping my hobbies just because I have grandchildren. There do seem to be alot of older people out there who need to get a bit of a life and stop trying to live through their children and grandchildren.
I suspect some folk out there think family is everything and I deserve to be a lonely old bat!

nb my kids have great relationships with their grandparents and have been on hol with my parents and I this year and intend to go soon with ex's parents and him, so I don't think seeing grandparents infrequently means a poor relationship. It's just different. More an infrequent special occasion rather than a regular babysitter.
No-one in my family has ever felt the need to disown anyone in the family and we all like our own space. I think families that don't move away from each other are maybe more inclined to the all or nothing approach. If you know you just have to spend a few days every couple of months with an inlaw it's easier to tolerate their annoying habits than if you know they'll be round several times a week. It does mean you have to pay for childcare and babysitters though, but that's a small price for the lack of angst.

oh they never babysit, have never offered and tbh i wouldn't leave dd with them anyway. they have never even taken her a walk in her pram or pushchair. when they visit they just sit on the settee wanting about 3 cups of tea each and then sherry/whisky. when dd was a baby they came a few times in the day to help and i still ended up waiting on them. it's all 1-sided.