How would you feel if you ended up having the same relationship with your child as you currently have with your mother?

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I was just thinking about this - having spent a few days at my parents - I would be SO sad if when grown up my children and I had the relationship I currently have with my parents - it's fine, not something I worry about, but very distant. We always have been, so much so that if I'm upset about something it is most important to me to hide it from my parents. I hope I will have a warmer relationship with my children when they are adults - how about anyone else?

I have a wonderful relationship with my mum, in fact I hope DD feels the same way about me as I do about my mum.

suzywong, I remember you were dreading their visit - so glad it's been a turning point for you

Try to be the opposite of my mother who is very difficult. I think she has mental problems as she tells lies about me, thinks she sees my sister on tv and just shouts when we try to call. She is completely unreasonable. It is sad that she is missing out on her grandchildren but this her own choice. I've asked my dh that if I turn out like her that he should just take me to doc to get sorted out. My mother just refuses to see someone even about her other serious health probs. A difficult time & situation. I hope this never happens to me and that I always listen to my children rather than just shout and that I'm not authoritarian but work things out in a fair manner. Could go on for ages but I wont

Oh do you? Yes it h as been a real real turning point, I am so happy about it I really am.

Huge cheesy smug grin emoticon

Sorry if that sounded stalkerish - just got a good memory

I hope my children talk to me and feel they can come to me about anything - I don't feel like this about my mother. I also hope I give them the confidence my dad gave me and NOT the self esteem issues and negativity that came from my mum. So, if my children have half the relationship I had with my dad with me I'll think I've done well. If their relationship with me is anything like mine with my mother (disagree on almost everything and we're distant mainly in order to be able to get on vaguely) then I'll consider I've failed. Oh dear, that sounds terrible written down.

DH and I were discussing this recently. I have various "issues" with my mum, although she probably isn't aware of them. I've never particularly felt I could confide in her as she is not good at being able to hear about other people's problems without turning them into her own.

Throughout most of my life I have known that keeping my mum happy is important. Another difficulty I have is that my mum's opinions are often very fixed and she doesn't necessarily think about how what she says may be affecting others. But I have learned recently that it seems to be generally OK when I do something (ie working mums are generally a bad thing but as DH is a "hands on dad" it's OK for me to work).

So anyway, I hope that DS doesn't feel he has to pussyfoot around my thoughts and opinions and feels free to express himself however he wants, secure in the knowledge that DH and I love him unconditionally.

That's a very good point www - about feeling free to talk about things - to do with the generations, too - my parents very much of the generation when bird&bees solemnly covered in one special school biology session, never mentioned at home; which has left vague areas of taboo affecting quite a bit of the relationship.

I don't think any of our children nowadays are likely to have that to deal with.

I love my mum and we get on really well, but I wish we could be closer. I don't think I'll have that problem with my Dkids as we have a completely different home life than I did as a kid. My dad was very emotionally abusive to my mum, and we were basically bought up to look at her with some degree of contempt (and I am deeply ashamed of that) and although we've got through that it still colours our relationship.

Total Agony - I'll go out and shoot myself now!

Now that I've read through I'm with Prufrock on this.

I would feel that I had completely f**d up as a mother.

My mother's excuse is that she came from a generation and background which really didn't question the way parenting was done. You were a good parent if your child remained alive, got a trade, and didn't go to prison.

Call me high-falluting, but my expectations of parenthood and therefore my relationships with my children, are higher.

What a brillo question!
I would be utterly devastated.I have just been disowned(for the 2nd time!) and it has taken me to the age of 35 to be able to deal with her and not care.She will live to be a very old lady as the pure vitriol in her veins will keep her going .
I sincerely hope that i will have a better relationship with my child.

I read this somewhere

'You do not have to be your mother unless she is who you want to be.

You do not have to be your mother?s mother, or your mother?s mother?s mother or even your mother?s mother on your father?s side.

You may inherit their chins or their hips or their eyes, but you are not destined to become the women who came before you, you are not destined to live their lives.

So if you inherit something, inherit their resilience because the only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.'

i inherited the chocoholic gene, the bloodymindedness gene, and wonky toes and droopy boobs

I would be gutted because I dont tell her anything-she's worn me down over the years from the age of around 9 when I was the mother figure-cant even be bothered to go on but thought I'd add my twopennyworth!!
Thank God we're different!!

id be over the moon, ive got the bestist mam in the whole world and hope my kiddies think the same of me , shes truely wonderful x

What a great question! And something I'd been pondering recently. Is there something genetic that we inherit? I've always had a great relationship with my Mum, not hugely close but never bothered by that. More recently however, she is just doing my head in. I don't know if it's because we are both getting older, or because I now have kids myself but I always feel she's telling me how to do things or passing comment. Not in a controlling sort of way but enough to irk me. Perhaps I'm being over sensitive but I can see her becoming so like her own mother who always treated her differently to her two brothers and I feel she is now beginning to do the same.

I'd love it. I am very close to my mum and she is one of my closest friends - yes I want to kill her at times with her "I'm not critcising but..." comments, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have made a definite and conscious effort not to be as I couldn't bear to see my ds suffer like we have from someone who just freely admits she should never have had children and shows on interest in any of us

I would be delighted in most ways.

it would destroy me. i do not, nor does my sister, speak to my mother. she was abusive to us (physically and verbally for years growing up). i could not imagine my son never speaking to me...

I'd be quite happy - certainly for the relationship we have now. I admire how she coped with bringing us all up and I now appreciate so much more the stress she was under when I was little and the sacrifices she made. She worries about the little things but is a fantastic rock in a crisis.

I'd be delighted! She's one of my best friends.

Very interesting. Was feeling quite envious of those who have great relationships with their mothers, until I remembered how well I get on with my brothers and sister. I would hope that our children will all get on as well as we all do!
Wonder if this sibling thing is a result of my mother being a little 'difficult'!

I'd just want to die! I'd be completely devasted! I hope it doesn't turn out that way