folllowing on from my he doesnt fancy me then he kissed me thread...... can casual become serious? more help needed....

[cheekysealion]

ok so things moved on between us he says he has feelings for me and loves spending time with me etc..... but doesnt want a serious relationship ATM.... he feels his outlook on relationships has changed due to his previous relationship history....

We have not gone all the way but do have lovely intimate moments together....

but i am not sure i can handle a casual basis fling.... i am not needy or desperate and happy being single but dont want to compleatly fall for him and he doesnt fall for me..

when we are apart he regularly contacts me it isnt just call up at the weekend for action!!!

i guess i have 2 options

1- carry on as we are in the hope it becomes more? and he will want a relationship

2- stop the intimacy between us in the hope he misses it.... (at the moment he has the perfect senerio gets a bit of action but no commitment!!!

Can anyone help????

thankyou

Hi ya I'm not really sure what you should do and it's a bit of a tricky situation, to be honest. Can you not just let things happen and see how things go. Sometimes, men don't like to 'admit' how they truly feel. He might not want a serious relationship at the moment, but he hasn't totally ruled that out. Just have fun but take care of your heart

Men LOL

If you want more, call him on it. Ask if he's wasting your time and tell him you want more than a FB.

I would just sort of see how things go and see what happens and well go with the flow and enjoy!

As for the question can casual ever become serious....well...my dh and I originally had an one night stand, which became a several night stand, which became a casual relationship, where we were both free to see other people....when I had a bit f a fling with another guy he realised he wanted more, it became a proper relatoinship and well...the rest is history as they say...we have been married since 1995 and have 3 ds's and our marriage is working quite well....

When men tell you things you have to believe them. He has told you he doesn't want a serious relationship. Therefore, he doesn't want one. At least, not with you.

Don't worry so much about what he thinks/wants/says. Do you want to be the kind of girl who almost-boffs and hangs around with men who tell her to her face that they don't want to be in a proper relationship with her?

You're infatuated with him, hence all these roundy-roundy thoughts and threads about him. You should cut off all contact and give yourself three months to detox yourself. Really. I know you won't, but you should. You can't see the wood for the trees atm. Of course you shouldn't hang on like a saddo, hoping he'll start liking you enough to make you his OMG! the commitment! girlfriend.

Slap yourself.

If you weren't in his picture, where would the man be?

If he weren't in your picture, where would you be?

I somehow don't think the answers are going to be along the lines of you and he looking for each other to have a casual type relationship.

You are looking for answers and are obviously getting an answer which doesn't actually answer the question. This causes a delayed response, where you hope more (and for longer). Relationships usually involve emotions. It's fair to think that you need for more emotional commitment is growing and the bloke isn't going to meet it.

You might try going out with your friends for a weekend one weekend so this bloke knows that your moving on. If you get made to feel like you are the person doing 2wrong" for wanting to have fun without him, I think your better off without him. If the bloke stands back and lets you go out and have fun without there being any problem, it's fair to think that he thinks the casual relationship was good while it lasted and isn't going to progress, then you know where you stand.

You want an answer, so you can think where your going. If the answer doesn't involve the man, start dropping hints that the sex is going to stop. The visits might carry on. If the man enjoys your company without the sex, you have a good friend, but if he stops visiting you because the sex stops, then you haven't lost much more than weekly sex.

Think that getting an answer and being able to draw a line under this issue. Set a target date, with a no answer being considered as no progress.

thanks for the input lots to think about..!!!!