Couples Counselling

[ditzzy]

Quick straw poll for everyone who's done any form of couples counselling (relate or otherwise).

How many people actually went as a couple and how many went on their own (because partner refused)? Of those of who went as a couple how many had to nag partner to go; and if nagging/bribing/ultimatums were needed, did your partner get anything out of going so unwillingly? Of those who go on their own, does the refusal tell you anything concrete about partner's attitude to your relationship?

I ask because counselling is one of the first recommendations on here, but so often the OP will say 'but he won't go' and the advice is always 'well you can go on your own'. Thats exactly what I did, he said he would do anything to save us; I signed us up for counselling; he refused to go; so I went on my own. Oddly enough we're still together at the moment, but it still bugs me that he wouldn't.

Anyway, whats everyone else's experience on this?

Hi Ya,

My husband said he would come to RELATE, he promised in fact. I booked a session this friday gone, he didnt turn up and I was scared to go alone because i thought whats the point.. Basicly my DH had an affair and has drink problems.. I told him this was his last chance and i am gutted he threw away his family just like that..

I think for us both would need to go but if you going alone works for you then thats cool but i understand the irritation when DH wont go as you feel you both need to make the effort to save things.. but thats men!

I went with my dh. We had a specific issue which was harming our relationship and he was pretty keen to sort it too, so no nagging.

However, at the session, I learnt as much about myself as I did about dh or our relationship. I would definitly recommend going alone if dp won't come. The counseller could help you sort out your feelings and maybe help you with ideas for getting dp along next time.

Hi,

We going to counselling at mo, but didn't have to persuade my partner, he thought it was a good idea, but I was the one who had to get it organised ect. I don't think he would have organised it, if it was left to him we wouldn't have gone. In my situ he had an affair and I'm now beginning to think that he should be going on his own for some of the time so he can be more open and can get to the bottom of why he did it, as I'm not sure we are getting anywhere as a couple in counselling. We are both still getting something out of it though, I just think he is being diplomatic while I am in there with him. If you can't go together then go on your own, you will still get something out of it