I just dont understand him

[ahhhmen]

Dont really know where to start but this may be long so sorry.

My dp well now xp and I had a really rough year last year and we decided to have a 'trial' seperation from my perspective the reason our relationship wasnt working was mainly due to him staying out all night everytime he went on nights out, he always had excuses of why he didnt come home, cudnt get taxi etc.

This obviously caused me to question where he was staying, and I no longer trusted him so started looking at his phone, I found texts which I did not like they were v flirty. but they didnt proove anything and dp just said it was a bit of fun.

Anyway during our trial seperation we decide we did want to try to make things work and although he continued to stay at his mums we went out and spent time together. After about 5 months I suggested we should go on holiday as a sort of make or break solution, we left our ds with my mum and had a great week in the sun with lots of sex and fun. A week after we returned my dp moved back in.

Everything was going great for the 1st 2 months we got on great spent time together etc, then suddenly things changed my dp stopped being affectionate towards me and started snapping at any little thing I said I tried asking if everything was ok but he just said yes. Then just before xmas he was up to his old tricks again he came in at 7am after a night out, we had a big row was all v emotional, but because it was so close to xmas it just kind of blew over.

Then on new years day we had a chat he told me it wasnt working and there was no point in trying any more were just not meant to be together. This totally broke my heart and although it quite claearly hadnt been working in the last month I just cant understand why. He is currently still living with us sleeping on the sofa looking for somewhere to rent, which is v awkward, theres days that are fine and we get on great although we are seperated, then theres days when we cant stand the site of each other.

One thing that really annoys me is when I get upset and we argue I will ask why has he done this he point blank refuses to believe he has done this and just says it was a joint decision and the only reason I get is it just wasnt working. This is what I dont understand. In a way I wish I found out he was cheating on me, then that would be the reason, but at the moment I am very confused, upset and angry.

DO get some advice on finances from CAB or similar. Knowledge is power (He will happily tell you that you can't afford to move and neither can he, because it suits him to stay on in the family home while chasing other women - he reckons that he can test-drive a few of them and yet come 'back' to you if they don't work out. He's also probably expecting you to be very nice to him and desperate to please him so he won't leave - don't fall into that trap. He doesn;t love you, he just can't be bothered to actualy leave you.) When you have the facts and have mentally drawn a line under the relationship, you will feel so much better than when you are hanging on vaguely hoping that he will suddenly 'commit' to you. He won't.

Hi ahhhmen, how are you today, has any of the advice you've received so far helped at all?

Yes thanks, the information has helped, I didnt realise I might be entitled to more than 50% of the equity, I think I definately need to see a solicitor, we were trying to just agree things between us to save on legal costs but I now think I need to look out for me and ds and get whatever I can.

Many solicitor firms offer a fixed fee for example £75 for the first session even some may even offer free advice at the first meeting so look into this and make sure you prepare a list of questions.
Im sure DP will lay it on a bit thick about having no money etc, remember he is going out on valentine's so presumably must have cash for that? Make sure he faces up to his practical responsibilities.
Lots of MN ((((hugs)))) and hope it all goes alright for you.