What makes a really great friendship?

[emkana]

Since having children I find that I find the whole topic of "friendship" much more difficult. I have quite a few friends and acquaintances (sp?) and I value the time I spend with them, but some of them are in Germany, so a bit far away, and also childless and still very much into partying and their career, whereas I have been a SAHM for four years.
The people I'm close to in this country do all have children, and they're lovely people. But - and I really hope this doesn't come over all wrong: In a vital part of my life, which is raising children, we're in many ways not on the same wavelength. I'm very much into attachment parenting, whereas they're all decidedly not. This means that there's many things I find difficult to discuss as they don't share my views/experiences. So I don't even talk about sleep/breastfeeding/weaning etc. because my views are opposed to theirs but I don't want them to feel that I criticize their choices, because I don't, I just make different ones. But it means that I can't ask for advice, discuss my own problems - oh I don't know. I know childrearing is by no means everything, and I do really really like my friends here etc. But it would just be great to have one friend who is largely on the same wavelength as me, so I could just pick up the phone and say "God I'm so tired, dd2 who's co-sleeping and 20 months woke up three times to breastfeed last night..." without the response being just one big question mark or something else...
Do I expect too much? What are your friendships like? What is it all about? Confused of Gloucestershire!

My mum was a faker and pretended to be posh - she got elocution (if only it was electrocution!) lessons so I talked like the Queen until I realised how daft it sounded! so where do you live? puts miss nosey parker hat on

Im in saaarrrrrrrrrrrrth London-but I was brought up in Chiswick so spoke posh until I moved here when I was 11-my mum thinks I'm as common as muck!!

Awww, I'll be your friend Fastasleep

We can meet up and hide in balls in seperate corners!!

Flame

xxx

I do not think you have to have the same opinions on how to bring up your children to be good friends, I just think that you have to respect each others opinions, after all wouldn't it be boring if we were all the same. A real friend will listen to your problems without judging you and you should be able to do the same for them. My closest friends are all very different but we have been friends as a group for about 10 years and we all have different opinions on things but we are always at the end of the phone for each other no matter what.
I do not have one best friend anymore as she had an affair with my ex-h (while we were still married) so in my view having a group of friends is better, but thats just my opinion, she wasn't part of my group of friends because no one liked her and they were right not to.

BXXXtch!!

I know and we worked together, can you imagine that, but no one at work would talk to her and about 2 weeks after I found out she had to leave cos she couldn't stand it any longer. She obviously was not a true friend cos even if I fancied one of my friends hubbies,you just do not go there cos your friendship is far too important. Its like fancying George Clooney, you can look and say phwoorrr but you know that thats as far as it will go, do you know what I mean there is just a line you do not cross.

Exactly! You must have been very hurt!

Although I thought I was very happily married (had been for 13 years), and I was devastated when I found out he had been having an affair and I thought my world had come to an end, I was equally devastated to find out it was with my so called best friend (who was also married although unhappily). My consolation is that she is alone and I am happily remarried to a fantastic man and whenever I see her she is green with envy. I would never let anyone get that close to me again but it does not mean that the group of friends I do have are not fantastic cos they are, but my opinion is do not put all of your eggs in one basket when it comes to having friends.

Good advice and I'm glad things turned out-what goes around,comes around,eh?

I am lucky My Sister is one of my best friends and the other three I am close to are Brilliant. They are a diverse bunch and are all great in their own way! I am also myself with all of them Friendships never last when anyone puts on airs and graces etc.

I think Honesty and respect are what makes great friends. I never treat them in any way I would not be happy being treated myself.

I went to bed like the lazy article I am thankyou for saying you'd be my friend flamesparrow lol ... always people from far far away who say that!

I always put my eggs in one basket, it's really annoying...don't know why I do it!

I think I agree with oldiemum that it doesn't matter if you have differences of opinion on childrearing etc, as long as you respect each other. I think the key to a good friendship is respect for each other (both in terms of opinions, and behaviour in making arrangements/reliability etc) and making each other laugh (there's got to be a bit of fun involved there too).

I can make people laugh but it's always rude! Or about shiny pregnancy thongs or something

How are you today Emkana?

Thanks for asking!

I'm fine, the children are particularly lovely at the moment and we're having a great time.

Yesterday we went to a soft play centre and met up with a few other mums and their children. Dd2, who is 20 months and still breastfed, though normally not in public, was mega-grumpy and desperate for milk so in the end I thought "S*d it" and let her feed. I know that my friends all noticed it, but nobody said anything. I know that if I said anything they would be totally supportive in saying that of course it's still fine that I'm still feeding her etc. But none of them really know what it's like, as they all gave up breastfeeding really early... which is fine, but again it would be so nice to share a joke with somebody about extended feeding/discuss the issues...

It's no big deal really, it's just something I miss in RL.

How are you, dropinthe?

In the same boat but with MIL-she is putting a massive amount of pressure on me to stop-got REALLY peed off with her this morning-she thinks that no one is going to be able to look after 14 month ds2 unless Ive stopped-It has come to the time that I want to stop only because of the extended night feeding that is breaking my sleep into about three chunks-I'm happy to do it in the day but am just fed up with her going on and on about it(ie every time I'm feed him in front of her). I have suggested that I go and stay at a friends house for two nights at a weekend(I'll be at work in the daytime) to make it easier to wean him off but she says she doesnt think anyone apart from dh will be able to cope with him in the night as he will scream for me-FGS!He's intelligent enough to know Im not around and he always accepts bottles of formula from dh-he would be fine but she thinks I should go cold turkey and deal with the fallout myself!!! Ooooh,you shouldnt have got me started on this one-I'm fuming!!!!(Not that you did!!)
ANYWAY,MOAN OVER!!!
I know exactly what you mean-I dont think I even feel comfotable about doing in front of ANYONE anymore-I slope off to toilets etc-God,I hate England!!!

Emkana/fastasleep? Hows life??

bump

Just wanted to say, I sooo know where you are coming from! I'm AP stylee too and still bfeed my 18 month l.o. and am the only one who is still doing it out of my friends. I know they don't disapprove, but still its not the same... so I don't like doing it front of them! Have you tried the LLL or something? Whereabouts in Gloucs are you? I'm in Wilts but I know there's a LLL near Ciren, and they're really friendly any good to you?