What is an equal partnership? Please be specific?

[winnie]

What is it that makes you feel that the relationship you have is/or is not on equal terms?
TIA

a husband who will gladly take on any aspect of parenting our children be it changing nappies, getting up in the middle of the night or cuddling a sick child to sleep.

my DH goes out of his way for me on the odd occasion with a really special gesture

we divide household jobs and budgeting between us - this works well because we each do the thing which suits us best

DH is genuinely interested in me, my happiness and what I want from life

We concur on the important issues in life e.g disciplining the kids, our long term goals, finances etc.

best of all DH is happy to play Playstation while I sit on Mumsnet

I can also honestly say that DH has never ever denied me something I really want, he really does make such an effort to meet my needs - this thread has reminded me of this.

I am off to give him a big cuddle.

I don't think I have ever, ever nagged DP for not doing something.

He does more housework than me.

He is never without a pile of washing in his arms.

When he gets home I doss on the computer while he sorts DD out and gets her into bed.

Actually if anything, he does more than me.

morningpaper - can we do a husbandswap for a week?

no he's mine all mine!

Sharing the good things (lovely days with the children, evenings out together) and the bad (chores, boring stuff)
Shared values and morality
Equal intellectually and in lots of other ways

he earns the money - I spend it

Mutual respect and appreciation regardless of how chores, earning and childcare are divided.

We are still not on equal terms, although I am assured by friends that I "have it good"!

What decides me is not the amount of housework actually done, but the time spent thinking about it.

I have to nag. Have you picked your clothes up, did you rinse the bath, did you feed the cat today, have you given ds his medicine, did you get some milk, have you cleaned the table after tea, please can you pick up the living room before I get home from work, please don't forget, don't forget, don't forget.....

The list is endless. These are all things I do automatically, but dp has to be constantly reminded or he simply doesn't do anything.

So I think the mark of an equal household is not how much is done, because in these days of shifts, part time work and nurseries, it's quite hard to calculate what is a fair division of housework and childcare. I think it is more to do with how much is organized by each partner.

I am told frequently that I am the luckiest girl in the world, by my DH, no seriously by my GF's.

We both do a tidy over in the mornings.

We both load and unload dishwher.

We both load and unload washing machine.

We both load and unload tumble dryer and sort laundry.

We both look after DS

We both do the supermarket shopping, as in we take turns.

He does all the cooking.

We are lucky enough to have a cleaner and ironing lady, so that cuts out a huge chunk of stuff.

But now that I see it written down, I am a very lucky girl.

There was a good article about this subject in today's Guardian Weekend.

It made me think of something else - I have never ever thought that DP 'helps out' and whenever I hear that expression I cringe. Helps out?! The expression betrays an awful truth in some relationships.

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Pruni: good point, I made a real effort in the early days to avoid being a 'gatekeeper' for childcare tasks. I read a book about it when I was pg and it made me REALLY conscious of what I was saying. I think that new mothers can start things very badly by taking on childcare roles without thinking about what they are going.

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