I've name changed for this.
Not sure if this is the right place to talk about my concerns. I guess part of my problems has to do with breastfeeding...another part has to do with sleep (or lack of sleep). But the main issue has to do with my relationship with my DH which seems to be doing really badly these days.
So. I'll just briefly outline what's happening. I live with my husband & we have a 6 month old baby (our first child). My DH & I had problems- arguments that went around in circles, mainly about financial issues but other things too- before the baby was born. Since the baby's here the arguments seem to be getting worse, & I feel completely stuck and quite depressed. I also feel very guilty that we're fighting, creating a bad atmosphere for our baby.
I've been bf my baby from the start. However, he's a bit of an appalling sleeper, so- completely due to exhaustion- a couple of months ago we started giving him formula at night, which did seem to help. He still though wakes very often, not only to feed, but also just out of habit. Even for that- for giving him some formula- I feel (irrationally) guilty, as if I'm a bit of a failure, because I'm giving him the bottles not out of choice (which would be a different matter) but because of exhaustion, and because DH are not doing well & I sometimes cannot cope with the tiredness & everything else. I know I shouldn't feel guilty, and mixed feeding is absolutely fine (and that's what I'd advise anyone else in my shoes) but it's making me- as I said, maybe irrationally- very sad & upset. This is made worse by the fact that my boy gradually seems to prefer bottles more & I feel my milk is slowly decreasing. My bf is far from completely over, but it may be over much sooner than I'd hoped the way it's going.
Our baby still sleeps in our bed, because initially it helped with the bf, and these days (that we're giving formula at night), because due to exhaustion we can't seem to make the effort to move him to his own cot / room. I do think the fact that we still have him with us in bed even though our relationship is not doing well is not helping at all. But perhaps DH would not know what to do with each other (or we're afraid we'd argue a lot) if we didn't have DS in bed with us...
I'm not sure what I'm asking really. I don't know which part of our problems to address first; and I just feel stuck, tired & depressed lots of the times. I do enjoy my time with my baby hugely, but I so with DH & I were happier, & I can't seem to find a way to change things in the relationship. I think lots of issues that were kind of 'festering' (even during the pregnancy) are now surfacing in quite an explosive way, and it's really scaring me, because I really think DH & I love each other, but just can't seem to find a way to stop all this arguing & to stop going round in circles...
Please. Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.