we are seperating but still living together - is this a really stupid idea?

[pickledlatte]

we have had lots of ups and downs but things have been very hard lately.

We lived seperately for january and I have been to relate on my own and talked things through and he is coming with me on saturday, but the progression and general feeling is that things are over and we are no longer in a relationship.

We (well mainly I) have come up with a plan - we are going to change things round in the house and change the sitting room into a room for me and he will stay in the bedroom. We will divide up time with the children very much like you would when you are seperated but the difference is that we will live in the same house.

I am thinking that by reframing things in this way will help to get rid of the feelings of resentment and anger associated with relationship obligations.

Is this a really stupid idea?

I would really appreciate some help and honesty on this.

It can work, but only if you are both equally happy with the fact that you are separating ie it's a mutual decision. Otherwise one of you will be happily making plans for a brighter future and the other one will be following you round the house sobbing/doing vast amounts of impressive domestic stuff/getting pissed and begging for sex because s/he only agreed to the idea to stop the other partner moving out.
Even if you are sufficiently composed, sensible and decent people to pull this off, the hardets thing will be (for each of you) the first night the other partner has a date with someone else. If you know that both of you can cope with that discomfort and not be horrible to the other person about it, you may be able to make it work.

agree with mamas12
i tried to do this with exh as a means of being reasonable
it worked but only for him
it was one of the worst periods of my life
and messed up the dcs terribly

Wow, this thread is very interesting. I have been considering this but I see now that it likely wouldn't work. In the past I ended a relationship but we lived in the same house for months afterward and it was hell. He couldn't find anywhere else to stay, though perhaps he wasn't trying terribly hard. What started out as an amicable split ended up with us hating each other, not speaking, just vile stuff. Awful. Reading some of these messages I've just started to understand that it may have been because he was hoping we would get back together, and me finally asking him to move out pronto at the end destroyed that hope.

The more I think about it, the more I think its a bit of a no-no. Though I can see why you find the idea tempting - after all, if you're already living separate lives... But I think it could only really work as a very temporary solution. With a clear understanding that you were splitting up.

thank you everyone for replying.

the general consensus is that it is a bad idea - i do think this might be me trying to be 'nice' because i think he doesn't want to leave, but i think this is part of a process we are moving through.