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Relationships

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Original poster

My husband wants to accept a new job which I think is madness!

25 replies

fruitstick · 04/02/2009 19:52

I am expecting a baby in 2 weeks and in 8 weeks time we are moving out of London to a village 80 miles away (closer to my family).

My husband currently has a job for about 18 months which is going fairly well. It is flexible and he can work from home, most of his meetings are with his clients on site and has a lot of freedom as to where his clients are (so when we move he can just find clients nearby iyswim). His Head Office is moving out of London to closer to where we are moving to which will make the days he does have to go into the office much shorter.

HOWEVER, he has just been offered a job which is office based in Central London. He would have to be in the office from 8:30 til 6 at least and it is a 2 hour commute each way. This would mean he wouldn't see his children (including our brand new baby) at all during the week and completely negates every reason for moving out of London for a better life.

It's not even more money or a promotion!

How do I put my foot down and say that he can't take it! Why does he feel the need to create even more stress and upheaval than we will be under already!

OP posts:

roquefort · 04/02/2009 19:58

It does sound mad I agree but I would start by calmly finding out why he thinks it is a good idea. Plenty of time to get mad with him later.

callalilies · 04/02/2009 20:03

IS this a job he actively applied for? Did he talk to you at that point?

Presumably he has explained to you why he wants to accept it? There must be a reason. It does sound a bit unreasonable of him on the face of it, but it's impossible to say without knowing why he wants to leave his present job and why he thinks this new one is better.

MumbleslikeaMadThing · 04/02/2009 20:06

You tell him that life goes in cycles, and this is NOT his time.
Tell him that in the current economic climate, he should keep his head down.

nancy75 · 04/02/2009 20:06

does he think this job might be more secure than his current one?

Original poster

fruitstick · 04/02/2009 20:06

Our house move has been on and off over the past few months so when he applied for it we weren't definitely moving.

The company he works for now is a small one but is no better or worse than this new one.

I think he is thinking purely in terms of the job, in that he would prefer this new one, rather than the impact it will have on the rest of us.

OP posts:

harleyd · 04/02/2009 20:07

you would put your foot down and say he cant take it?
bloody hell

Hassled · 04/02/2009 20:07

Sit down with him calmly - whatever else, grit your teeth and sound reasonable (however you're feeling). Get a bit of paper and together do a column for pros and a column for cons. If he really wants this, he needs to provide damn good reasons why and to be able to show you, in black and white, how those reasons outweigh the downsides.

One thing though - there's nothing he's not telling you, is there? You are sure he still actually has a job at original company?

newgirl · 04/02/2009 20:10

Is this your first baby? If so, (and if it isnt!) then he is absolutely mad.

Life is short - surely he would be happier not commuting and being part of family life?

callalilies · 04/02/2009 20:10

If his current company is a small one maybe he is concerned about it's viability long-term.

It does sound as though you haven't actually talked it through properly with him - you are only thinking he thinks something rather than actually understanding what's going on.

Agree with Hassled.

Dropdeadfred · 04/02/2009 20:14

does he want to miss the domestic ups and downs that he is privy to right now?
seriously, although it may not be what you want to hear but it may seem attractive to him to come home each night when the kids are in bed...?

lessonlearned · 04/02/2009 22:58

From what you say you have already embedded the planned move in your head and with the impending birth I can imagine you don't need anything more to think about. He needs to spell ou to you what advantage he sees in the new plans before you can begin to get your head round it!

kingprawntikka · 05/02/2009 08:36

Maybe its not about more money or promotion but about doing a job he will enjoy and find more rewarding.

Poppycake · 05/02/2009 08:50

Do check the contract at the very least for notice periods etc. Apart from all the difficulties you already mention, a new job could mean no protection from getting dismissed without reason, which he is protected from in a job he's been in 18 months. In these troubled times, you have to make sure.

On the face of it it does seem like a mad move. You do need to talk it through properly. If he feels he's missed an opportunity because you blocked it he's unlikely to be happy in his current job - human nature.

throckenholt · 05/02/2009 08:53

I would try and sit down and work out the pros and cons with him.

Personally a huge con for me would be
a) the long hours at work
b) the long commute.

Is the move out of London negotiable ?

I am guessing the answer is - either move and stay with old job, or don't move and try the new job (but I would still not be happy with the long hours).

tribpot · 05/02/2009 08:54

Why does he want the new job?

Flier · 05/02/2009 08:55

Have you sat down together and done a list of pros and cons for taking the job and not taking the job? It is the only way IMO to be able to look objectively at this, and this way you will be able to see his main reasons for wanting this job and he will see yours for not wanting him to take it. Maybe he feels its a longer term prospect for him?

BonsoirAnna · 05/02/2009 08:56

Sounds mad, but I agree with roquefort - you need to find out more about DH's reasons for contemplating this rather unattractive sounding offer. There must be something in it for him that is escaping you.

Original poster

fruitstick · 06/02/2009 10:10

We have talked about it properly and he is going to try to stall them until we have definitely exchanged on our house. If we are moving, then he is going to turn it down. If it looks like we are staying, then he is going to take it.

He was just looking at the jobs side by side on their own merits, without considering what impact it would have on his journey. I also think there is so much uncertainty at the moment that his current job seems very unstable, but probably no more so than any other company right now!

Thank you for all the advice.

OP posts:

MmeLindt · 06/02/2009 10:13

Sounds like you have come to an agreement that you can both accept. Don't forget though, if he does move jobs then he is the last one in so likely to be first out if there are redundancies at any point in the next year or so. I would be wary of moving jobs at the moment unless the new job was much better.

iheartdusty · 06/02/2009 10:21

2 hour commute each way means 20 hours a week - that's 2 WORKING DAYS A WEEK spent travelling on top of the hours in the office.

does he want to work 7 days a week, then?

Tortington · 06/02/2009 10:23

if its not more moiney or a promotion i would tell him to feck off

Original poster

fruitstick · 06/02/2009 10:27

Custardo I love your posts, I wish I could borrow you for the week to whip DH into shape.

OP posts:

Janos · 06/02/2009 11:58

On the face of it, this sounds like an absolutely appalling idea and I don't blame you at all for wanting to put your foot down.

I would suggest a serious chat about why he wants this job.

If it's his dream job naybe allow some leeway?

Janos · 06/02/2009 11:59

naybe = maybe!

YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch · 06/02/2009 12:12

Be careful. DH had a choice of 2 jobs - similar pay, different locations. We chose to move to the place where the work would be more challenging (but further from where I wanted to be - funnily enough also heavily pregnant at time of change ). I know it's different but the compromise proved to be too much - the job was not as interesting as he had hoped and our home life suffered. In hindsight DH feels terrible as he doesn't think that he had really factored in the impact on family life when he pushed for one job over the other.

Very different circumstances I know, but still, make sure he is thinking about the whole picture.

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