I have just had a light bulb moment

[NAB09]

All my life good things have never lasted long and I never expect to be happy for long. I think that is why I went all daft over my ex. I can't quite believe that someone like my DH would want to be with someone like me and was just expecting it to go all wrong so it might as well be sooner rather than later.

Doesn't sound a big deal but realising why I have been an idiot has to be good, right?

Well done, I'm glad it was a nice light bulb moment...

yes! a brilliant (every pun intended!) moment of realization!

Gosh! I used a lot of exclamation marks!!!

I also think a lot of it is I feel trapped and of course back then I didn't.

NAB, I do know what you mean actually. A couple of months ago I was talking to therapist about my moods going up and down and I was saying that when I feel really happy I feel almost TOO happy and I just KNOW that my mood is going to plummet any minute. I felt it was a chemical problem and that I needed some kind of drug but Therapist didn't think so. He thought that expecting to feel shite any minute even when I was feeling good was a habit I learned during childhood, when I couldn't get too used to happy feelings because any minute a particular person's mood would flip and he would take it out on me. Therapist thought that expecting happiness not to last was MAKING it not last and causing my mood swings rather than a chemical imbalance. He has also talked about self destructive behaviours....

It is hard to re-learn things - i have also done a lot of work to get rid of my negative cycles.

When i see my DD (5) get joy out of the most simple things it helps, she is not waiting for the 'good things' to end she is just enjoying the moment and learning that if the snow came the other day it will again - not that it has gone now and so never last iyswim.

Again very simple but try and see all the good things that have lasted for you. Even silly things - one of mine is that i have always had good skin with few spots - better to see that than the flucuation of my waistline .

I am definitely self destructive. I knew exactly what I was doing when I first emailed my ex and talked to him. I gave my DH a get out of jail card but he doesn't want it.