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Original poster

Dating a hells angel and hating bikes

25 replies

Mmkay · 04/02/2009 11:05

I'm recently started seeing a man who is part of a Hells Angel fraction.

He knew when I met him that I hated bikes and I knew he loved them obviously so we were prepared but as it is such a huge part of his life, can this really work out? All his friend's girlfriends and wives are part of the clubs, is he going to get sick of me being bike-shy?

OP posts:

harleyd · 04/02/2009 11:08

why do you hate bikes?

harleyd · 04/02/2009 11:08

genuine question btw

have you been out on his bike yet, or is that a no go for you

Original poster

Mmkay · 04/02/2009 11:13

They really frighten me. I think they're dangerous and I've heard so many horror stories. I don't go on at him about it as I know that would be unfair. I do go to shows with him and festivals and I try to show as much interest and support as possible but he knows deep down I hate them and won't ever go on the bike like his mates girlfriends. I feel mean/selfish but I'm just so scared of them.

OP posts:

Moondancer · 04/02/2009 11:17

AWwwww - do you have to travel seperately to the bike shows/festivals and he goes on the bike with all the others? Go on - have a try!

harleyd · 04/02/2009 11:17

well for a start, its not mean and selfish to be frightened, if thats how you feel
but can you cope with him being out on the bike quite a lot, maybe away to rallys without you
do you think you would ever overcome your fear of bikes, or would you ever want to try

i doubt very much he would ever quit the bikes

cheerfulvicky · 04/02/2009 11:18

I wasn't keen on bikes when I met my DP, and he was pretty into them. I went on the bike with him and it was a bit nerve wracking at first, but I grew to like it. Now I miss it, we haven't been out on the bike since before I got pregnant, so over a year now.

To be honest though, neither of us are so prepared to go on them now we have a child, the though being that if something were to happen he would have no parents at all. DP doesn't use the bike alone either, I suspect for the same reason.

I don't think you can make yourself like something if you really don't, but if your fear seems irrational to you or it annoys you, maybe consider giving it a go a few times and then see how you feel? If fear is getting ion the way of your relationship that's a pain. But to be honest I can see why you are scared, I think it's understandable.

Is it the whole 'scene' as well that you don't like? As someone can be into bikes without being a hells angel IYSWIM. Perhaps he's just a bit too fanatical about it for your tastes and that's the problem, not the biking itself?

Original poster

Mmkay · 04/02/2009 11:21

I drive down in car and he goes with his mates. I feel awful because he makes such a fuss of me when I get there, like he has to make up for it but it's not his fault, its me being 'difficult', that's how it feels and I wonder what his mates say when I'm not around.

Everytime he goes out I worry, watch the clock, if he's late I convince myself there has been an accident. He offered to give me lessons on quiet/private roads but I just can't. When I sit on the bike when it's stationary I just couldn't imagine feeling safe when it's moving.

I wouldn't ever expect him to give the bikes up as that would be a huge part of his life. It wouldn't just be the bikes, it would be his entire social life, friends he's known for years etc. I feel like he'd be happier with someone more into what he does and I hate feeling like I'm spoiling things for him

OP posts:

harleyd · 04/02/2009 11:22

you really might like it if you try it
ok yeah there is a danger to it...but isnt there with everything

Original poster

Mmkay · 04/02/2009 11:24

Sorry, crossed post.

I think the scene gets to me a bit too. Although all his friends seem really lovely, there seems to be a lot of 'underhand' stuff that goes on. I don't know what, I know it's not drugs or anything like that but I know they are hired as 'security' now and again and I don't know if that is as innocent as they make it out to be or what. Perhaps I read too much into it.

OP posts:

harleyd · 04/02/2009 11:28

i think then, if you dont like bikes or the whole scene there really isnt much of a future in it
if you are going to be worrying yourself silly every time he goes out, is it worth it

cheerfulvicky · 04/02/2009 11:29

Argh, I don't think I could ever ride a motorbike on my own! Being pillion is nice though, you get to hold onto them and you feel safe in a strange way. Plus you can look at the view and not have to concentrate on the road.

I found it hard at first to lean to the side when the bike turns and not fight to stay upright. He praised me and said his ex wife was always doing that and it made it hard to drive.

Do you really love him? How does he feel about the fact you're not into it all, is he quite respectful?

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 04/02/2009 11:35

I think if you really hate and fear something that is a huge part of a partner's life, unless you can get over that hate and fear, the relationship is not going to be a longlasting one. Because it is too much to ask a partner to give up something that he/she is so deeply involved in, no matter whether it's the biker culture, line dancing, a religious group or swinging.

However: re the Hells Angels thing: is your man really an Angel or is it just a bike club like Mag or some offshoot. Because yer actual Hells Angels are an ever-so-slightly dubious subculture - and I say this as someone who has shagged a few - let's say they're not great on political correctness and awareness of women's rights, and there often is a bit of criminal involvement going on.
Mind you, if your man is older, like over 35 or something, he might be slowly drifting towards a more settled life, so if you can get to hate bikes less you might be able to have a good time with him for a while, anyway.

BlueSapphire77 · 04/02/2009 11:45

Well at least you won't be called his bitch lol

SG4MV you naughty girl you.. all those hairy bikers

N1 · 04/02/2009 12:03

You might just want to give yourself a nudge and go out on short rides, even if it's round the block.

A motorbike is as safe as the rider (driver) makes it. There are very few (I can't think of one now) people who would want you to get scared on your first few trips on a bike.

My son was never scared. From the age of about 4, he was riding with me. I had to modify my foot rests so hes feet could rest on them. He loves riding now.

Everything new in life is a learning curve. Learning something new can be fun but the first step is daunting.

It's obvious that you can't dismiss that a motorbike accident makes you more vulnerable to being seriously hurt or killed. The enjoyment of riding a bike (once you are used to it and enjoy it) by far outweighs the worry of having an accident.

Set yourself a number of times. Perhaps 6 rides or 10. Perhaps put a distance limit on the trip, say 6 miles down the road to a place where you can stop to admire the view, have a drink and ride back to your house. It's not many trips and it's not to far.

If after a few tries (like 10) and you still don't like it, then I think you are firmly against bikes.

As for the man riding and you going in the car. People like you are invaluable to a biker (no wonder he makes a fuss over you). When you go to some rallies, you need a car to put the clutter to make bike riding more comfortable. While I accept it sounds like you are being used as a side hand. Many wives/partners don't want to be involved and you do. Don't feel bas. Your man is more than likely "over the moon" about you being with him when he goes out biking.

macdoodle · 04/02/2009 12:03

"older, like over 35 or something"
PMSL hahah cheers for that ta , I feel positively antique now

cmotdibbler · 04/02/2009 12:11

Would you consider going on a trike ? They feel much safer and are dead practical for going to shows and festivals as you can get all the camping stuff on them.

Do you like his mates ? IME some groups of bikers look tough, and get hired as security to look big and deter people, but are the nicest guys around. Some, yes, are involved in stuff that I don't want to know about and I wouldn't want to be part of that group

lizziemun · 04/02/2009 12:15

I don't think you can be in a relationship with a biker/hells angel an not be involved in the social side, if you are not prepared to get involved.

And as for 'there seems to be a lot of 'underhand' stuff that goes on' this goes on in all walks of life if your not looking for it then you don't see it.

As for being over 35 and settling down my uncle in his late 40's and is still very much involved in his 'chapter' and him and his wife go on at least 2 holidays a year on his Harley.

BlueSapphire77 · 04/02/2009 12:43

Tis hard for them to get out apparently, but don't want to hijack the thread so don't reply to that comment lol

ThePgHedgeWitchIsCrankyBeware · 04/02/2009 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 04/02/2009 14:34

Erm, I'm 44, did not mean that people over 35 are over the hill. I was more thinking along the lines of a bloke over 35 (hopefully) being less interested in the less desirable side of some aspects of biker culture such as fighting.
I like bikes but don't ride one myself (have crap road sense and therefore don't drive any vehicles), have always had a great deal of fondness for the bike scene .
See how things go, OP. You can enjoy the social side of the bike scene without riding a bike, as N1 said.,

(BLimey, a very sensible post from N1!)

harleyd · 04/02/2009 14:38

ah thats made me
and remember my own magnificent misbehaviour

warthog · 04/02/2009 16:51

well i'm an ex-biker and my dh hates bikes. he will never like them and i've resigned myself to this. i feel sad, and it will always be a part of me. i can't help driving round a corner wondering what it would be like to be on my bike. but i gave it up because the risks were too high and i have dc's.

i think you will always find this difficult, as will he and you have to decide whether either of you can get past it. you might in the short-term, but what about long term?

runforyourlife · 04/02/2009 18:49

I was in a very similar situation and decided to put my fear to oneside and get on the bike. As it turned out, I really enjoyed it but my DP didn't really want me in that part of his life and rode off into the sunset...
However, I am now about to get back on and take my full bike test to further my career which is not at all what I would have expected!!
Your DP sounds supportive of your choice and genuinely wants you to be part of his life. Do you want to be in that part of his life/ can you find some middle ground?

lessonlearned · 04/02/2009 21:33

Also ex-biker here. If your man is in HA the bike's the least of your problems.
I think you need to find out a little bit more about back-patch clubs before you are shocked to realise that you will be playing second fiddle to his 'buddies'.
Talk discreetly to some of the wives (I say discreetly because as a GF you will be kept quite sheltered) and see what the long term anxieties are. Death on the road is likely to be way down the list. The amount of male bonding you will have to play second fiddle to will surprise you. They are notoriously mysoginistic and IMO racist.
I have also had a great time at rallies but the territorial nature of the back-patch dominated ones is unnecessary and can be very intimidating (deliberately so).
I'm actually banned from DDs for daring to speak out against the misogeny! I'm afraid open debate and differing opinions are not allowed. It's the party line or the highway.

lessonlearned · 05/02/2009 00:37

Sorry for DDs read Devils Desciples not dear daughters. Lol, nothing could be farther.....That's me probably double banned!

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