Please help me, feel like I'm going mad. long sorry

[Hesdoneitagain]

Hi

My DP of 2.5 years seems to have a 'problem'. We met through internet dating. Took it fairly slowly but then became a couple. As far as I was concerned it was an exclusive relationship (and we had discussed this).

Felt suspicious after a while that something was going on. He denied it. I have a DD and he (after 3 months) was starting to meet her. I said to him 'No problem if you are seeing other people, we can still see each other on a casual basis but let me know because obviously I won't intro you to DD'. He said time and again he wasn't.

I finally looked at his pc one day and found another dating site. Went mad, he cried, said some woman had emailed him he hadn't replied etc etc. Over the next few months more and more came out, he HAD replied, in fact he'd emailed her first, he was a member of lots of sites and had been talking to lots of women.

By this stage he'd bonded with my daughter and I was totally torn, he swore he'd never do it again etc. We went to counselling.

Anyway, since then everything has been ok, hes been much more open and honest and then tonight I found IM on my pc (he uses my pc - we live together now). It flashed up with a message from a dating site. I confront him:

Firstly he

installed IM by accident
then he installed by accident but clicked on 'sign in' just to see
then he had received messages but hadn't looked at them
then he had received messages and had read them (they were from a dating site, he says he has no idea how it got his address)
then he reveals hes also been receiving emails (unsolicited) from a dating site but has been putting them in 'spam'
THen says he actually read one because it was from someone called Tammy and he knew a Tammy years ago
Then says 'yes it did say 'find singles in your area' in the subject box, but he clicked on the link which led to the dating website, out of curiosity.

This ever changing story has come out over the last hour.

Advice???? My DD adores him.

Funny you should say that. His job wasn't particularly well paid (factory work) and 2 months ago he got made redundant. Since then he's started a night course and has also been looking after DD after nursery so I can work longer hours.

When his car broke down ages ago he couldn't afford to fix it so I bought a car off my parents (I'm not loaded I just work a lot and in a very stressful job!!)

I pay the mortgage/school fees / food and all the bills plus whatever extra he needs as hes only getting job seekers allowance.

I do think he is resentful of the fact that I'm very close to my family and friends and that I have good education / job etc. I almost wonder if this is the one thing he 'has over me', if that makes any sense? These little secrets so he can feel powerful? Or am I talking crap?!

Bohemian - that was what he said 'it just got addictive' Said he had low self esteem and that it made him feel atrtactive knowing people wanted to talk to him / meet him. Me saying 'they only want to meet you cos they don't know what you're fucking like you tosser' probably didn't help his self esteem

He wants to come upstairs and 'talk rationally' to me. I want to stove his head in and demand to know why he has watched me cry and shout and see a therapist and go on tablets all because he can't tell the fg truth. And then I'm going to hit him with a shovel.

I think I must be at the rage stage

Rage is good.

Then drink some wine with a mate and get yourself to the "I couldn't give a monkeys you loser" stage. It's very liberating.

I also found that if you were in touch in someone for a while before meeting them in real life, you are more likely to overlook glaring faults that you wouldnt' tolerate in someone you just met, IYSWIM. I think you can get attached to what you think someone is like, rather than what they actually are like.

I look back and wonder what on earth I was doing with a miserable twunt who hadn't evolved physically or emotionally from being a primate.

Yup they always want to "talk rationally" like somehow YOU are the irrational one !

Right, he's shagging around (or pretending to) to hurt you because he's jealous. Not sexually jealous: he sees that you have a job, money, a car, friends, family etc and it occurs to him that he has none of these yet he is the Man. He wants to bring you into line, basically. So all this 'flirting' and leaving evidence for you is basically him saying 'Look, bitch, it's about time youremembered what's important, which is Me. I'm the Man. ANd if you don't obey and respect me, I can... Have Sex With Other WOmen, because nothing in your life has any value if you can;t prevent me from Having Sex With Other WOmen. The most important thing is for you to have a relationship with a man and put his needs first.'

Bellends like this think that the worst thing that can possibly happen to a woman is to have her partner leave her: smart women know that life is far better without a partner who isn't worth the hassle of keeping.

he's a cunt, get rid.

what custy said

Last 3 messages just made me laugh out loud. Definitely an improvement as I've been fighting a nervous breakdown / need to cry all day.